As I said yesterday in my entry, I contacted my friend about the struggle of late.  That was good.  However, it didn’t end up freeing me throughout the day yesterday.  As the day continued I felt more and more defeated–acting on my own strength rather than on the strength of Jesus Christ through surrender.  I didn’t step into sin, I just stepped into believing the old lie that I am unworthy of freedom. I am fully awake to this struggle within me now.  Before, I use to bury it and determine not to think about it most of the time.  In Celebrate Recovery it is called denial.  I’m fully awake now to the truth of the struggle.  It goes back to my belief system.  The old man thinking is what tries to take over during the day.  The new creation that I am is still needing to mature within me.

Two weeks ago today the one teaching the intercessory prayer class at church gave out brochures on spiritual warfare prayers.  I think I mentioned this a few days back.  I had this brochure thinking it would be good to use when I butt up against warfare for someone.  Well, that someone happens to be myself.  There are two prayers in the brochure specific to demonic harassment and another to remove demonic influence.  The prayers address the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind.  I have prayed them this morning for myself and I am going into this day awake to the difference between the truth of Christ’s freedom and the bondage of evil’s deception.  I’ve asked Christ to keep me awake to this truth throughout the day.  This has always been my struggle on this journey of getting healthy.  As the day progresses, my belief in the new creation weakens.

Today’s blog entry is rather personal and I confess it because I know from myself and from working with others just how difficult it is to come out of the mind’s thinking from the old man’s point of view.  If this is true for you, a reader, let someone know of the need for help.  Help is only a confession away.