At 3:05 am I was awake and my mind was recapturing the events of the previous day.  I had met with a man from our step study that was ready to do his inventory and I am his sponsor.  I got home from his place and sent several emails, went to town to get supplies for the upcoming Celebrate Recovery nights, worked on a Boise State project and lastly, our quartet sang for a dear pastor friend who is no longer able to navigate much from his home.  We went to his house and did a personal concert for him and his wife.  So, at 3:05 I was awake but what I was really being awakened to was what is behind each of these activities–relationships.

My life journey, as I write about in my book, was all about hiding a past of abuse that would annihilate any chance I’d have for success (I believed).  I learned well to “do” things well so I could be worthy of a relationship with people.  I’m told I’m a relational person and I do see this in myself somewhat, but when I was awake to this before I cringed that somehow the truth of me would come out and any friend would then flee.  Somehow, last night, God was showing me that even though I may do activities, when all of them are completed what is still left is the relationship behind the activity.  I’ve actually had individuals in my life who have talked to me at length regarding this topic but I’ve always downplayed their research as being just the way they were wired.

What has truly awakened me to the truth of relationships and the importance therein is this rich, new relationship I’m realizing with God’s gift:  The Holy Spirit.  My relationship with Him is not about me doing, it is all about me being with Him and He in me.  It’s so incredible to me that I’ve heard this truth all my life and only now begun to actualize it in my being.  The impact is transforming.  I used to fear tremendously close relationships because proximity always allows the other person to see and find out things I knew they couldn’t know about me.  That fear is mostly gone now. I know God is wanting me to wake up to His original intent for us in having relationships with one another.  I am truly grateful for this awakening.