As I step into today’s journey I am starting to realize something very fundamental.  For years I’ve heard that a person’s relationship with God the Father is directly connected to their own relationship with their dad.  I’ve always poo-pooed this as I completely separated God the Father as my Heavenly Father and my earthly father as my dad.  That was good enough for me and besides, comparing the relationship seemed ridiculous.  A Heavenly Father would never be like my dad was.  I have been deeply impressed to now come to terms with this connection.  As I read my devotional, as I read the scripture, as I journal all through my devotional time, God is not letting up on this need.  I think I mentioned a couple days ago that I started journaling to my Heavenly Father each morning now instead of to Jesus.  This might seem trite, but it isn’t to me.  This morning God was pointing out to me that I did this as an alternate route to Him.  The reason I’ve taken the route of journaling to Jesus is that He isn’t my Heavenly Father and I could trust Him more easily.  It is now time to come directly to God my Father and place my full trust in Him.  He did not create this life to make it a sport or game.  He is life and He has me in life to build a trusting relationship.  He gave me Jesus Christ to show me the way He intended it to be done and He gave me the Holy Spirit to replace my wounded spirit.

I’m needing to pause as I write this and capture my wits about me.  I’m on the verge of breaking down in tears.  God has never wanted Him and me to have the relationship I had with dad.  This morning He has been pointing out to me that the longings I’ve had in my heart all these years are safe to share with Him and to know they will never be labeled as dumb, stupid or “Where in the world did that idea come from?”  He actually told me I should start this type of intimate sharing with Kathy, my wife.  She has longed to know this about me.  Once in a great while I attempt to do this, but the moments are few and far between.  I’m sure all this ties to my struggle with intimacy also.

I feel rather raw sharing this, but I do know the time is right for me to step into it.  God is waking me up to something very fundamental for which I want to now do. I want my relationship with God to be comfortable in His presence, rather than hoping the work I’m doing for Him is making Him happy with me.  He seems to want this too and that’s what seems so tender and precious right now.