So, the journaling started again just as it did yesterday.  Old habits do not die easily–even when they are good habits, but ones that need to be adjusted.  Once I’m able to shift into conscious journaling to God my Father, I enjoy it immensely.  I sense His leadership and fellowship within.  It is just the silly start that gets me each time.  I suppose they think this is funny. I will too when I get the shift made.

Today I leave with six others from our church to attend the Celebrate Recovery Summit at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California.  It is the 25th anniversary of the ministry.  It has been sold out for over a month so no walk ins this year.  It is a huge event with some additions to the ministry being introduced and some others with meaningful adjustments.  The Delta glitch yesterday brought about a little panic with some since we are all flying with this carrier.  However, by last night we had the boarding passes and it looks good.

I haven’t gone to the summit since 2012.  It was then I was awakened to the fact that my testimony is not mine–but “ours”, God’s and mine.  It is to be the story of God’s redeeming love and mercy changing my life story.  I am the one who puts script to it and reads it as my testimony, but I am not to forget that it is our story.  It was after this summit that I signed the contract with the book publishing company.  It took two more years to get it written, but this is where God did the work to show me I was to obey his leadership in this.  This is also the time when I came face to face with the fact that I have gay thoughts.  That was the last of the hidden secrets I wanted no one to know.  God kept saying that He was the author of my changes and I was to be the teller of our story and His work.  So, I changed my testimony to reflect all of this.  It is amazing to write this and recall the bondage of fear I felt during this adjustment.  It is only of late that I’ve found fuller freedom to share all of this without the shame of the past.  What has brought the freedom in part is finding no judgment when I share this truth about me.  In fact, what I find is that people are so glad to hear someone tell their struggle so they are safer sharing this truth about their self.

I am taking my laptop with me but I don’t know what my mornings will be like so I may not be posting daily until I return on Saturday.  If I miss a day or two, this will be the reason for it. God’s blessings to you.