Today’s is the Lord’s day.  I just finished going over the Celebrate Recovery lesson which comes from our new step study and the new series that was published this past summer.  The lesson is about sponsorship.  It asks some engaging questions–ones I will ponder for a while.  A few years back I felt like I lost my sponsor because he quit attending CR needing to use his time more fully with his work, not because he had backsliden.  I’ve never replaced him and have used accountability to fill the role.  This lesson really makes me think I need to seek God’s wisdom in choosing a replacement.  I think I will need to do this.  I just don’t know of anyone who has a similar struggle as my own that attends our CR and this one did.  I do have an accountability person I stay in touch with daily.  Our areas of need are very different but for some reason our commitments to support one another seem equal.  I’ll just need to ponder this and see what God says.

I had two men I sponsor contact me while our quartet was singing yesterday for the retirement home.  In calling each one afterwards I found that one had been tempted and by his texting me had been able to step away from it.  The other one had acted on his temptation.  He was sorry as he had wronged two people.  He is somewhat young in his recovery.  By 9:30 last night he had made his amends and felt so much better.  I do love how Celebrate Recovery makes using the tools Christ outlined in His Word doable.  We just can’t do this alone or just because we have a relationship with Christ.  He wants us to join up with other believers who can support us through our recovery.  For us men, we have to swallow a lot of pride in order to admit our struggle.  However, in every case, the admission leads to strength rather than weakness which our pride thinks we will become.  The deception of Satan is broken each time we take the step of trust and reach out.  To God be the Glory.

My journey yesterday did exactly what I knew needed to happen and it was remarkable.  I was able to step into each situation God wanted addressed and watch God do His work.  Yes, I did need to do my part, but the most important part for me was to show up, speak up when asked and to listen.  God did just what He knew needed to be done in opening doors and I’m most grateful.

Our Aslan Ministry finally has property.  While we were in our meeting last night the realtor text the director saying all the paperwork had now been signed.  We are officially owners.  We have needed this event to solidify so we can now become much more concrete in moving forward.  I know that God is wanting this ministry to develop and to serve these girls who have been so grossly abused by our society.  The responsibility to do this right, do everything solely through God’s direct leadership, and with a very strong minded board, well, it isn’t necessarily easy.  Prayers are needed for all of this.

Today’s journey has our quartet singing for an assisted living place.  One our our member’s mom is in it and we are singing for their Thanksgiving event.  Tomorrow we sing for a church’s Thanksgiving/Harvest dinner.  I sometimes wonder how much God is glorified when we go and sing.  Our hearts have only one purpose in going and that is to bring glory to God.  Often the faces of the ones in the homes reflect little or any blessing.  However, afterwards, there are usually many who come and express their gratitude for our taking the time to bless them.  I love singing and I love opportunities to do so.  I suppose since I enjoy it so much I wonder if the time I take to do this is strictly selfish.  The time I spend with Celebrate Recovery, Conquer, Aslan Ministry, sharing my testimony relating to my book, are helping people to break free from the bondage of sin.  Singing seems to be somewhat the opposite.  It’s an opportunity to enjoy worshiping God and sensing His presence soulfully.  Maybe that’s not selfish.  I hope not.  Anyway, thanks for letting me process with you.  God isn’t shutting the door for this to happen so I’ll go ahead and take advantage of it while it is here.  I do want God to be glorified in this journey’s day to day living.

Today’s journey had me troubled and not at peace.  I started my devotions reading how Christ sent his followers out two by two to the surrounding villages to do His work.  He told His disciples to go to one place and if the home was at peace with them, to stay.  That word peace is powerful.  When you know you are in the midst of doing God’s work, you do sense His peace.  The work may not at all be peaceful, but your spirit is at peace knowing you are obedient.  I read this in Luke today as Christ was sending out His disciples.  This morning I knew I had expectations of me that disrupted what I thought God was wanting me to do.  Now that I have read the word and have written in my journal and now this blog, I find my peace.  I don’t like to disappoint ones around me, but I really don’t want to be disobedient to The Holy Spirit’s nudging in my life.  These times don’t happen often, but when they do I sense strong unrest–certainly not peace.  I know what I’m to do now.  Thanks for letting me get perspective with you.

A couple days ago one of our church office people took a call which was sent to me.  The gal calling had a five year old son who they thought had been exposed to sexual talk and touching by a very close relative who also lived close and had babysat the boy in earlier years. The mom called me last night and we talked for about an hour.  She was seeking help.  I could certainly give her empathy but I am not the one who can give the professional help for their son.  I sent her to a christian counseling center so they can get the right help for them and their boy as well as direction for handling the relative.  A few months ago this conversation would have left me whirling since there were too many details close to what my own story was like as a child.  God has done some tremendous healing for me in that this time I heard all of this without it stirring my own past making the problem mine too.  God is truly helping me live in “the new creation” He has made me to be.  I’m so thankful for this.  To God be all glory!

I love how thorough God truly is.  I don’t know why I am continuously inspired by this fact, but I am.  There are some things in life I’m rather thorough about, but for the most part, I leave the little details for my wife who thrives on them.  In the work setting I have always left these details to my secretary or someone in the working team who simply found these as their gift–it is not mine.  So, when I see God’s detail coming out, I am always impressed and amazed.

Yesterday I wrote about God awakening in me the need for me to bless my dad along with forgiving him.  The forgiving part I’d done many years ago.  I was telling this to my share group last night during the last hour of our Celebrate Recovery.  At the end of the hour when we had closed the group, one of the men told me that he just didn’t understand why I was feeling convicted about blessing my dad.  He told me he had read my book twice and he said there were a number of times I had given dad compliments as well as what he’d call–blessings.  I knew he was right about my giving credible attention to dad’s strengths when I wrote the book, but my need to give dad a blessing was a heart issue, not an action issue.  This came out for me when I had my devotions this morning.  I was journaling about this very thing.  God made it clear that when I wrote the book 1.5 years ago I had put the balancing side of dad in it.  I knew I needed to tell a complete picture of him and so I did it out of obedience.  God wanted me doing it from my heart.  That is where true forgiveness come from and it completes forgiveness.  Today I see this clearly.

I found it really insightful that to a reader of my book I had fully forgiven dad and the blessing side of forgiveness was there.  But the detail of forgiveness only God knows and my younger brother felt wasn’t complete.  God knew my heart and Ron felt it.  Today, those are now in congruence and I am a freer man.  This is the thoroughness of detail I was referencing about our magnificent God.  He leaves no stone unturned when He is completing His work in our lives.  I love Him for this even though it has some uncomfortable moments.  The other side of those moments is so freeing.  Thank You Father.

My Bible reading this morning hit upon a topic I have needed to address for a while.  Somehow, God knew today is the day for driving home a biblical point I have been overlooking.  It comes from Luke 6:27-28.  In verse 27 Jesus is telling the crowd that we are to “love our enemies and those who hurt you”.  In verse 28 He goes on to say that along with loving them, we are to bless these same people.  What hit me this morning was brought to the surface when I gave my testimony (story) to the church last Sunday night.  In my testimony I tell a great deal about the hurt and abuse of my past from dad.  I tell how I was able to say, “I love you” to his body when I was called to say he had passed away.  I’d gone to the nursing home where his body lay until the funeral home arrived to remove it.  I hurried over so I could talk to dad.  However, I have never, ever, tried to give blessing to dad.  Up until this very moment I think I’d have politely walked away from anyone who might have suggested such a thing.

Last summer my younger brother told me it troubles him having dad’s name slurred by my book and my testimony.  After all, he is our dad and there was some good about him he’d say.  I took that as Ron’s problem, not mine.  Since then I’ve had numerous occasions where God has brought that message up to me when I’m counseling someone or giving my testimony.  This morning God brought the message home.  God does want me to bless my dad.  It is the fullness of forgiveness.  My dad has been gone for well over 10 years now so my first thought was that it’s too late.  However, in asking God how I’d handle this He simply said I need to balance my remarks about dad by adding what is good about him.  As I was journaling this morning I listed the things I liked about dad.  The thing I liked the most was when he’d come to our bed early in the morning when he was trying to decide something.  He’d always say, “Earn or (Dern-a nickname), are you awake?”  After that he’d go on to tell what he was considering or pondering and ask what I thought about it.  He’d usually include Ron in this too as we always slept together.  As a teen these moments made me feel like I was important to him.  I always liked the fact that dad had a compulsive side  that was fun.  When we would be planning to go to California for Christmas, he’d up and decide we will leave right now.  Everyone would have to pack in a couple hours notice and off we’d go.  That was FUN.

As I treasure these moments I can thank dad for these things about him.  In fact, it is heart-warming just to write them out like this.  My dad did do some awful things as a parent but just as Celebrate Recovery teaching me, these awful things in our lives are not our identity, they are our struggle.  These things about my dad were his struggle.  I do not want to make someone think that was his identity.  God had a whole different identity for him just as He does for me.

As I am having my bible reading each morning I am seeing more and more relationship between myself and those listening to Jesus.  This morning in Luke Jesus was teaching to those in his hometown.  The Pharisees were questioning him because he was “Joseph’s son”–a common man who was a simple carpenter.  Had they forgotten about Jesus’ birth and the host of angels as well as the wise men coming, and all of that?  It had only been 30 years.  Regardless, the scriptures said they tried to reason with Christ’s actions and they were going to throw him over the ledge to his death.  Just a week or so ago I found myself trying to reason through several things and I found that fear was the motivator for “reasoning”.  I wasn’t taking by faith what was in front of me.  I am also learning that once I take the step of faith, I can’t then try to reason my way through the tasks, assignments in front of me.  I need to complete the tasks only how God gives them to me.  I can see I want to control the outcome rather than let the outcome be God’s.  Little by little I am seeing just how much I need to let go and accept each day in faith.

Christ told the Pharisees that a prophet cannot do much work in his hometown because of the very reasons He can’t do much work with us if we try to stay in control.  I see this more and more clearly as I grow in Him.  This morning I told God I am sorry for acting on this character defect and to please help me replace it with genuine trust in Him that plays itself out with the decisions I make in starting my day and living throughout the day.  When this journey does come to an end I don’t want to hear, “I could do little with you because you wanted to keep the reigns in your hands rather than placing them in mine.”  I want to remember that this Jesus who was born to Joseph, the carpenter; who the angels literally came in celebration; who the wise men came to honor; is the very Son of God.  I can and will trust Him and place all my faith in him one day at a time and one moment at a time throughout each day.

Yesterday I outlined all the activities which were to be part of the day.  It all took place just as planned.  The amazing part was actually being present in each of them.  God is so good to slow down my anxious mind so I can simply take each thing before me and live in His abundance in it.  The only part of the day that needed my leadership was the Celebrate Recovery meeting.  Even that was an off and on revival meeting where lives were fed, touched and blessed as well as given direction about moving forward with the ministry.  Last night I gave my testimony to a church’s congregation.  Even though I was nervous, I was far more at peace than I ever have been yet doing this.  I have carried within me this awful character defect that being up front no matter the reason was arrogance.  I never transposed this judgment to anyone else, it was just me.  I know it was dad’s hounding as a child & teenager.  Because of the most current situations and awakenings I am seeing the difference between being “bold” for Christ’s Kingdom work and being arrogant.  I’m so glad my worship pastor made that comment to me last Thursday in practice.  That piece of knowledge led to God’s Light piercing that character defect and replacing it with the knowledge God has always wanted me to know and have.  I am so much freer to move forward being up front for God’s Kingdom work.

As I began to journal this morning I was starting to race through all that “might” be taking place today.  It was something like starting my day in my “old self”.   But, God told me to listen to my spirit.  My spirit was at peace and it was calm.  Let my spirit speak to my mind knowing all the actual activities of the day will take place and I can face each of them with the calm assurance that God is in control when I surrender the anxiety of my mind.  I instantly did this and now I’m ready to go to my school district as well as deal with the rest of the day’s Godly assignments.  I’m living in my new creation.  God is truly amazing and I’m so grateful for His loving patience with me.

Today’s journey has an abundance of activity in it.  It starts very typically with choir, church service, and then a step study for Celebrate Recovery.  After church there is a CR leadership monthly meeting and then I’m either to practice with our quartet for 2 upcoming events or meet with one of the CR men.  At 6:00 I give my testimony at a church in Nampa.  The interesting thing about this is today’s step study lesson is ACTION.  This is the new step study for those who have been in leadership for a while.  It asks questions about the “whys” we are doing what we are doing?  Are we trying to be in control or allowing ourselves to be fully committed to God’s leadership and how do we know the difference?  Well, I am in the midst of trying to work through all of these questions in my daily living.  I do know I am learning the difference between responding to my will vs The Holy Spirit.  When the Holy Spirit is in control I am not, I am obedient and leaving control out of my hands.  This is a tough item for me in many circumstances but little by little I am making progress.

I find it fascinating that most of my life I did lots of the same activities I do today.  The difference is that I did them to keep people from seeing my past.  Now I do them so people can know my past and hopefully see that they don’t need to keep secrets either.  I never knew in those earlier days how selfish my actions were–trying to keep others’ eyes on activity and not me. Man is sure a selfish being and I am right in the midst of my own learning about this. This is a huge item of freedom that requires a lot of humility to see the truth of it.  I want to stay here the rest of my life.  To God be the Glory!

This journey of walking as God’s new creation is truly amazing.  I wrote yesterday about the statement my worship pastor had said to me about “the humble man I am”.  The confusion I had about this was truly tied to a false belief that singing was arrogance for me.  I have always tried my best to not stand out while singing but let the song and its message be what stands out.  Being confident in delivery of a song doesn’t mean being arrogant I realizing.  The message of my childhood has finally being overcome.  This morning I feel freer than I ever have.  This message isn’t just true about singing but it is true about me doing whatever God wants me to do for Him.  I’ve lived under this stigma all my life.  I feel freer to simply step into an assignment without the burden of my past screaming at me.  I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone, but it is no less than a miracle for me.  Thank you God and Carol.

I was able yesterday to get a major application completed for an outfit that will consider the young man I spoke about.  I know their CFO well and text him that the app is submitted.  He is going to take it from there.  I’d sure love to see this man have a chance in our world and mostly to let him know how much our loving Father loves him.  If this is one way God wants to show this, I pray it will happen.

Today is the wedding day for a young man and his bride to be.  This young man came to our Celebrate Recovery about 3 years ago.  He was one of the most meek, humble, timid young men I’ve ever met.  He had some hurts, hang-ups and habits which complicated even more his belief about himself.  He wanted someday to be worthy of a bride but knew that would never happen.  Well, today is God’s miracle for him.  I just smile and feel warm all over as I write this.  He is a genuine example of God’s work in our lives when we finally take a risk and take that first step of faith.  I love it!

This day, Father God, be glorified.  This is my intent for each day I live.  Up until most currently, this was my mask, my camouflage.  Now, it is reason for living–no longer to hide who I am, but to live out my purpose in being a child of the King.

Yesterday morning I was asked to come to the church for a few minutes by our worship pastor.  I have a piece in our upcoming Christmas program singing O Holy Night.  The program setting is Christmas time during World War II.  She wanted to help me understand this in how the song would be nestled into all the drama of the program.  During this time she made a statement I didn’t understand until this morning.  She told me I needed to not sing this as the humble man I am, but as a confident, well-known, admired singer that I was during this era.  I reran that line–“the humble man I am” through my head all day yesterday.  I had never, ever thought about me being a humble man when singing.  It was singing that gave me the most grief with dad and what he called my pride and arrogance.  Dad would rip me apart after big singing engagements or competitions telling me I was nothing but arrogant and no good to this family anymore.  Carol’s statement to me yesterday caused me to bring the person I am into the action of singing a song.  I had always just prayed I’d be a good servant of God and sing His songs to honor Him.  This morning I have begun to realize that I am a child of the King who sings.  When I sing I want to glorify God confidently.  Wow, that seems puzzling and yet freeing.  God is awakening a reality He wants me to know in this.

In just an hour I’m meeting with a young man who just got out of prison after serving 8 years for drug stuff.  He’s trying to find work and is unable.  He wants to stay clean and live right but he isn’t finding a starting place for supporting himself.  I’m praying God will open that door.  He is only 26 years old.  Please join me in prayer that God will glorify Himself this day for this young man and that this young man will see and meet a Glorious God.