Last night’s lesson from Conquer was a tremendously powerful one for me I’ve been pondering since.  This is the statement that got me:  “When the Holy Spirit ministers to men in sexual bondage, He will often encounter them at the place where they’ve been wounded and give them new memories.”  These words aren’t taken from scripture, but from leaders who work with struggling men.  However, when I read this in the study guide it gripped me with this unsettled truth.  I knew immediately the Holy Spirit had more He was wanting me to know about my past memories from abuse and His part in this.

This morning I’m reading in John 16.  Christ is telling His disciples that they needed for Him to leave this earth so His earthly body could then be replaced with His Gift, the Holy Spirit.  It is amazing to me each time my devotions match perfectly with the message God is reinforcing for me to learn and become.  When I began to journal I asked God and The Holy Spirit to reveal what they wanted me to know about my past memories.  (I need to add a piece here from my therapy days–when I would connect to these memories in therapy I’d always take the shame, guilt, anger, etc., from these times and place them in a safe place where they could never rule over me again.)  But last night’s lesson seemed to awaken a deeper meaning for me.  So now back to this morning.  I asked the Holy Spirit what new memories He wanted me to have because I knew there were many of the memories of my brother’s sexual abuse that still haunted me even though I talk quite openly about them.

The first thing the Holy Spirit showed me was that my brother was seeking love, comfort, affection and intimacy that was never given to him.  His abuse to me was never intended to hurt me but to fulfill a longing within him.  These particular things had been shown to me before but this is how it started this morning.  When I asked the Holy Spirit what He wanted me to know from my part this is what happened:  The Holy Spirit revealed to me that the roots of my brother’s abuse still were deep within my brain. In the heart of my emotional being.  That is why I still have struggling moments about the old self.  He went on to show me He was lifting those roots out and replacing them with Himself.  He will now be my security for which I will run when temptation hits or Satan tries to throw the identity of the old me in front of me.  I’m still raw with this but I know deep within me that a work has begun I will use often.  To God be the Glory–great things He has done (and is still doing).