I always start this blog by typing the title–The Journey Continues.  As I do this it focuses me on the reality that another day is here and this day connects to the journey of life, my life.  I spent so much of my life guarding it with every ounce of strength I had and now I do just the opposite–I try to use every ounce of strength to make it known for the sake of helping anyone needing assurance that our past does not need to own us.

Today is a much more relaxing day for me.  I enjoy a day like this without deadlines to meet.  My oldest living brother is in the hospital having had a tumor removed from a kidney.  At first they thought they’d need to remove the kidney but they were able to complete the tumor’s removal and reroute “the tubing”.  I don’t know the medical names, but he is doing well.  I’m going to see him this morning and then tonight is Celebrate Recovery.  In between these I will dabble with little things.

I’ve already done a good deal of Christmas reflecting this morning.  How fortunate I am to have a family who respects God and loves Him.  Now, do all serve Him to their fullness?  I guess we all work with this.  The one thing I rest assured in is that God loves us dearly.  The days of fearing His judgment are gone.  He has replaced those fears of my past with His loving grace.  I pray His Grace upon you today.  He is a magnificent Father!

Maybe all mankind is self-centered and I just haven’t taken time to notice it as significantly as I should.  God, however, is wanting me to not only see it in all of mankind, but He is truly wanting me to see it within myself.  Yesterday was a good day in that I got done all the detail items I had on my mental list. I was feeling good about this but this morning I was checked about the good feeling when I realized everything on the list was about me and my wants.  I was far more interested in gratifying my wants than I was with fulfilling God’s. I was originally to spend the day in another part of the state with a school district.  They contacted me asking to reschedule.  This allowed me to use the day to get a number of little items done.  The nudges I’d had to make contacts with ones during the day didn’t happen.  These are the men God has placed in my life for support of one another.  I contacted none of them.  I simply went about doing “my” business.  God pointed out to me this morning that if I’m going to “love Him with all my heart, soul and mind….” (Matthew 22:37-39), I need to address these selfish priorities of mine.  I already know for a fact that the details of my day are never left dangling when God’s priorities are done first.  He doesn’t see my needs as trite, but, He knows His priorities are spiritual and mine are simply human.

Today, I surrender this self-centeredness.  I want God’s priorities to be mine first and foremost.  To God be all Glory.

The Hope of Jesus was delivered last night to the teens at the correctional center.  It was done in song and in word.  It was prayed that The Holy Spirit would be fully free.  This morning I prayed that the message would linger in the hearts of these kids.  When I spoke to them a couple months ago there were about 35 in attendance.  Last night there must have been about 60 of them.  They were being given cookies and milk during the program so more of them showed.  It seemed to go well.

As I started my journaling this morning I started to write:  “Thank you Father for  helping me to….”  At this point I was checked.  I was about to thank my Father God for helping me do my part so I could feel good about it.  I wanted to feel good for serving God so I could be important to Him.  This is that selfish side of me–man.  None of this was done for me, I was doing this for God’s kids.  There is nothing wrong with feeling good about it, but I had brought the entire event into my court this morning wanting to make it all for my benefit.  I truly don’t want it that way.  However, this is what the old Earnie would need in order to feel good about replacing the story of his past.  God is still teaching me that the new me has a value already that doesn’t need to be proven.  Those days are gone.

My daughter just called me interrupting my finishing this morning’s entry.  She wanted me to know she’d given my book to a lady she met a year or so ago who has a very troubling past.  In a conversation the two of them had last summer the lady informed my daughter that when she died she did NOT want the song Amazing Grace sung.  She hated that song.  I understand that hatred towards that message.  However, now I can pray for her time of healing just like God has given me.  The day will come when she will say–Wow, this Amazing Grace is for me too!  This is what I pray for the teens present last night.  The hopelessness man creates can be replaced with the HOPE of Christmas–The Amazing Grace story.  Join me in praying for these lost ones.

This morning God brought me to a real point of understanding which I want to tell you about.  All of it started yesterday morning as our quartet was practicing.  At one point I became overwhelmed with the emotional crisis of meeting with the teens tonight at the correctional center bringing them the HOPE of Christmas.  I wept.  This morning as I asked God to make this clear for me, He said the following: “Tonight you are bringing your helpless past face to face with the helpless past of all these teens.  Each of them has a past of abuse similar or identical to your own.  You are going there with this past in front of you at this point.  Your past is not what you are bring them however.  Tonight you are bringing them the starting point of My Redemption through My Son Jesus Christ.  You are giving them the Hope of Eternity through song and testimony.  Your past is what you have in common and now you give them the chance to have the HOPE of Jesus Christ in common with you.  Do all of this in MY NAME.”

Yesterday was a difficult day emotionally. I couldn’t bring clarity to this emotional crisis I was sensing.  Yet, this message of this morning made it all perfectly clear.  For a day I was allowing Satan to cloud my thinking with my past, bringing it to my front.  He wanted me to believe I was still as lost in it as I had always been in my earlier years.  This is not the case as God made clear this morning.  I bring these kids the most precious Gift they will ever be offered–THE LOVE of JESUS CHRIST.  With this being true I feel free to go and offer them this most precious opportunity–THE HOPE of CHRISTMAS.  How I love our Father God.

I think I’m catching on to something I should have known a long time ago but it’s now starting to make sense.  I was wondering why man’s spirit is never content?  Is this God’s Spirit?  At this point I’m at the tentative conclusion that my spirit is only content when I’m fully surrendered to The Holy Spirit.  My spirit is always reaching out and searching for something more that will satisfy it whether in an emotional way or simply peace–which is an emotional state unto itself.  Things or the state of things is never going to satisfy, only God’s Holy Spirit can bring this rich calm.

Today I’m troubled over a meeting I will conduct Monday night.  It is for our Aslan Ministry.  There is a deep division over a pursuit of involvement.  We’ve been asked to participate with another outreach for trafficked girls that is of a different faith which some on the board don’t feel is right.  Others on the board are wanting to join the pursuit.  I will be handling the conversation and decision in this meeting.  The book, Experiencing God, outlines how to know the Spirit of God’s leading.  I am going to take this as a tool for use.  I would also ask for prayer for each of the members as well as for myself.  God’s leadership is often hard to know when man’s will comes into play–especially when man thinks his will is God’s will.  This is why I’d ask for prayer.

My quartet is singing tomorrow night for the correctional center too.  We have a practice this morning @ 9:30.  I also ask for prayer with this.  These teens are God’s children.  Pray for The Holy Spirit to be well known and received in this time.  We want to be His servants as we go in His Name.  To God be the Glory!

By 9:20 last evening I had the furniture that I use most moved back into the den.  I was happy to have this done.  I can finish up today.  It is like a gift of time to be able to have this done and come out looking better than I’d expected.  God is always like this–I’m so bad at needing this reminder.

I’m sensing a holding pattern today.  All of the ones I mentioned yesterday needing support are still hurting.  The one good news is that my friend that was having surgery delayed it to be with her son.  His cancer is in stage 1–caught at the earliest state.  Everything looks good for his complete recovery.  Praise the Lord.

God keeps reminding me, for these individuals and including me, He USES these tough times.  Our human nature doesn’t turn to Him in good times.  Our nature only needs the power of Almighty God when we finally see how insufficient we are and then let our pride go so we can reach out to the One and only True God.  My prayers have been that these tough times will allow each one to see God for Who He Is and to see themselves insufficient.  I know this struggle all to well.  My own pride stands in the way of me moving forward so often.  God is faithful, however, in reminding me that His new creation in me sees man’s pride as the hindrance in coming to Him.  The waiting time between problems and overcoming them is often dependent upon the length of time it takes for us to surrender our pride and let God have His way with the circumstances at hand.

If this is a struggle for you as it is for so many (including me), let today be the very day we let it go by surrendering to God where all help comes from.  To God be the Glory!

Today the flooring gets installed and I can move the furniture and boxes of books back into the den. I’m so glad. That’s a little item however compared to the immensity of hurt surrounding us (me). By the end of last night my heart was so heavy I couldn’t talk about it. The place I’m helping in work is having to make some tough decisions, 4 of the men I help mentor are really struggling and one is severe, a couple more men have pulled back into silence, a friend is having surgery today and her son was just diagnosed with cancer and consulting with specialists today. This morning I couldn’t sleep and God wanted them prayed over. He assured me He is working and my part is to keep them in His hands. My absence of seeing His work is not an indication He is not working. My spirit knows God is working but human eyes can’t always see what is happening in spiritual realms. 

Today I trust God and have great faith in all He is doing. Are you struggling?  Join me in trusting this Almighty God of ours! He surely is our One True God. 

In my devotions yesterday God was pointing out to me the difference between knowing something and comprehending it–making practical sense of what the scripture says. Last nights class for Conquer was all about the differences between knowledge and belief. God is drilling the message home for me. I have superficially believed all of this for a long time. Now it is time to put it into my daily living. 

My scripture reading was still in Acts, chapter 10. I have prayed many times for Gods Holy Spirit to fill me–thinking that might clean me up if He did. God is saying today to BELIEVE.  There is no faith in my previous actions. I acted on what I knew knowing it didn’t apply to me. It does apply to me. Today I do believe completely. I go in faith believing. This is the new creation Christ gave me. 

If this has been an area of struggle for you I pray for your Faith. God doesn’t short-change any of us. We do that to ourself in our absence of believing. Today join me in Believing. 

This morning I’m still in Acts for bible reading. I think I may need to be here a while. God is really speaking about full surrender/obedience. In reading about Paul’s conversion it’s easier to understand. He was in full obedience to the Jewish religion to annihilate this new movement of Christ followers. Instead God turned his zeal about face so all this zeal became surrendered to The Holy Spirits purpose for him. 

I’m trying to write this with my phone again so struggling to get this out with a texting keyboard. God is laying on me the fullness of complete surrender. I’ve not thought my person was worthy of The Holy Spirits infilling but God is wanting me to know that is mans interference and it is sin to deny God this part of me. My thinking of being unacceptable for him is a Wall of disbelief I give to God now in full surrender. I know there’s more to learn here but this is my start. To God be the glory!

Today I’m posting from my phone. Our den is empty and computer shut off. We’re getting new flooring. Hopefully this will be done in a day and I can move back to normal–ha!  

God is really pointing out to me the interference of man and mans power of choice competing with Gods power. God withholds His power until man has surrendered his. Over the weekend there have been 3 young men who don’t want to give up all to know Gods will for them. Each one is highly capable and have taken ill-steps getting them into trouble. All want Gods help but not to the point of full surrender. I know this need for full surrender well. I doubt if we ever get done fully surrendering. Daily living always brings about new situations needing this. I just know that I have tried my strength too many times with it always being insufficient. Gods strength never is lacking. To God be the glory. Pray for these 3. God had a plan for each of them.