Well, God doesn’t waste any time moving me from the assurance of yesterday into today’s message from this morning’s devotion.  God has been helping me believe that this empty vessel He has cleansed through the blood of His Son Jesus Christ and filled with His Holy Spirit can now love.  I Corinthians 13 is all about this.  I’ve read this chapter literally hundreds of times in my life.  I’ve even used it when I’ve done the wedding ceremony for my nephew’s wedding and for the wedding vows renewal for dear friends.  I did all of this for–them.  This morning God is driving home that He means all of this too for me.  I’ve already told Him that we ought to leave good enough alone.  He’s assured me this won’t happen.  He leaves nothing incomplete.

I was stupidly reading the chapters leading up to chapter 13 in I Corinthians knowing this chapter was coming.  I wasn’t expecting God to slam me with the reality that there is more for me to address.  It is like He has pealed away all other layers and now in front of Him and me is my heart.  I feel like this is where I’ve always needed to protect that little boy who was called a weakling, a sissy, a baby, a bawl baby, a good wife, Hazel….  The anxiety began to swell in me as I was being confronted with this from God, He was at the same time assuring me that His work in me as I stated in the second sentence of this blog entry is complete for these anxieties too.  I asked Him how I could trust this time?  He simply said what I hear stated in every lesson of Celebrate Recovery–one day at a time, one moment at a time.

Maybe no one would know this, but I’ve always been very guarded with being loved.  Let me love you by doing things for you, but lets end it with that.  Just don’t be like dad about love for me and don’t touch me when I am not expecting it like my brother always did.  I’d rather you just be present.  I write this and see how selfish and controlling this is on my part.  There has been reason for it, but God is saying I can let this go now once and for all.  The new creation has no place for this type of receptivity for love.

I’m sure there will be more to this lesson for me.  This is ample for today.  I am going to step into it knowing the God I serve wants me to be here.  I guess He thinks I’m ready for this.  I know I’m ready to be all He wants me to be.  If this is my next lesson then ok.  Here we go.