I’m thinking the headline for this new year is LOVE–what in the world is it?  Yesterday I wrote about this and its personal impact on me.  Last night our Conquer class for men struggling with sexual addiction started again after taking 2 weeks away for the holidays.  The lesson had nothing to do with love, but it was all about love for me.  The lesson was teaching about fighting with God’s weapons when we are attacked by the enemy.

The armor of God:  Ephesians 6: 14-17 was a key part of the lesson.  It starts with the Belt of Truth.  I’ve just never addressed how my past annihilated my capacity to know love.  The beatings of childhood, the verbal abuse of it, the sexual abuse of it totally wiped away the innocence of childhood and replaced it with reservation, caution, walls, etc.  The lesson last night said we are to tell the truth about what we are experiencing and feeling.  I tried that one time and witnessed the worst beating I’d ever seen dad give.  I wasn’t going there again.  The truth that needed to come out was then protected with the same walls I was building within me.

All these years later God is telling me that His new creation–me, can let this go.  I can surrender it once and for all.  The lesson last night had questions to respond to about shame, guilt and sin.  The last question was:  Is sin your identity?  Yes, indeed it was my identity up until a very few years ago.  Even when I began to address this, it took up until now to remove the depth of its bondage.

As I began to think about love I thought it would be in the absence of all the ugliness of my past.  Instead, God is showing me that in spite of my past, I can love and be loved.  He started that by His love for me through Jesus Christ.  He is now showing me that I can trust love.  Actually, at this point all I can do is write this.  I don’t know the substance of it yet, but I’m assured I will in time.  God actually told me this morning to look around me and I would see evidence of love everywhere.  I can definitely see this.  Now I need to let it touch me.  I’ve told God this morning I want to be a good learner here and trust Him.  I’m glad I know “one day at a time, one moment at a time”.  I need that reminder with this topic.

I hope this blog is helping someone.  We can trust God together if so.