Yesterday was a day of testing for me.  This weather we’ve had has created some major obstacles which are causing high levels of stress among most everyone.  People are getting edgy and I am one of them.  Going in yesterday to the school dist. to work with them had its own layers of issues to address.  Within an hour I’d had no less than 10 calls or texts about crises others were dealing with and could I help.  By late afternoon I had done what I could and then got myself stuck in my own driveway.  I was able to dig myself out once I took a 30 min. break to simply calm down.

This morning God has been showing me the depth of learning He wants me to do using the strategy of yesterday:  examination vs condemnation.  By the end of yesterday I was condemning myself for being insufficient/incompetent etc.  I was even passing along some of this condemnation onto others, in my mind.  During my devotional time God was having me take a fresh look with examination in mind.  Did I do my part and did I do it with the Grace He wants to give me to pass along?  For the most part that had been true.  In one other case it wasn’t so I’ve taken time to address that this morning.  He is teaching me that His peace doesn’t come for me when the problems of life are all gone.  It will only come for me when I’ve responsibly done my part as prodded by His Holy Spirit and then I let the problem go so He can then do His part with the others involved. It is when I try to do more than my part that condemnation sets in.

In the book I’m working through: The Nature of Freedom, it is pointed out that because of Christ living in us, this is what God sees when He looks at us.  He doesn’t necessarily see perfection, but He sees His Son working on Christlikeness in us.  This is God’s Grace at work.  So when we examine a day like yesterday He can work on the areas yet to be as Christlike as they ought.  When I condemn I build a wall which I need to first address before anything else can be done.  II Corinthians 13:5 tells us to “examine our ways”.  We are not to condemn our ways.  When we allow ourselves the chance to examine and go from there, the door is wide open for learning and growing.  This is where I want to spend my time with God.  The verse mentioned above goes on to say that when we examine and take proper steps, this is when the proper fruit is yielded.  This is the fruit of the Spirit.  Now that is what I want to be for God.  I do hope this is helpful for others.  It is sure helping me take important steps.  Thank You Father.

Today is another snow day in SW Idaho.  I was going back to work today for the district I was working with prior to Christmas.  The lady I was replacing short-term is still unable to return.  I got word of the snow day but then I got word that the district office administrators are coming to work and would I join them, so off I go.  It looks like I’ll be spending a couple days a week there for a while yet.

This morning’s devotional time had some critical revelations for me.  The first one was about simplicity.  II Corinthians 11:3 tells us to not let our hearts be corrupted by Satan as Eve’s was.  Instead we are to have sincere devotion to Christ.  The King James Version says to have devotion to the simplicity of Christ.  Christ really did live a simple life but he delivered a continuously powerful message.  I read this, this morning, and saw how I’ve struggled with this message.  Simple had meant “not much meaning” in my old self.  I needed to do powerful things so I could find relevance and be relevant.  How frustrating that was.  Today the message of simplicity resonates.  In simplicity is freedom from bondage.  The new life given to us seeks simplicity so that the powerful message of Jesus Christ can be clearly seen through us (me).

The second piece that really stood out to me was examination vs condemnation.  Paul was writing in II Corinthians 12 about his “thorn in the flesh”.  It is not given definition except that it was used to humble him so that Christ was seen in him and not the Paul he had been.  I’ve often wondered if my own personal past is like a thorn for me.  This morning when I read the difference between examination vs condemnation I realized God was now using  my past as a point of examination so I can grow from it.  I then realized that was the way I was seeing my character defects and learning from them instead of condemning myself because of them.  My past does humble me but it does not need to condemn me any longer.  I praise God for that.

The last piece of this morning ties to the above message.  In my past when I was tempted to sin I would condemn myself severely and think I was like my dad or brother–abusing someone.  If there was a temptation I couldn’t be trusted with people thinking the temptation made my untrustworthy like my dad or brother.  I would immediately condemn myself and live in that shame and guilt.  This morning God was showing me how my new created Earnie can examine temptation, confess it and move on.  This ties to simplicity, examination and freedom.

I love what God is teaching me.  It makes living one day at a time a joy and not a threat.  To God be the Glory!

Today is another day of awakening.  It is amazing to see how living your life knowing you are a new creation changes me inside in how I see myself.  It all ties back to the struggle of loving myself as I talked about last week.  As God was pointing this out and I was asking Him what this looked like, He has begun to show me in “living each day” ways.  Before I step into this I want to tell one other moment from this morning’s devotional time.  In II Corinthians 7-9 Paul is telling the people of Corinth to love and support one another and defines how this would work.  In the book I’m processing through–The Nature of Freedom, it tells how God sees us after we have given our hearts to Jesus.  He no longer sees our sin nature, He sees sin habits that He will work with us to overcome as we become more attuned to living and responding to Christ in our heart and The Holy Spirit dwelling within.

OK, I needed to tell this piece so I could go on with how God has been pointing out to me the day to day living in this new nature of love just like Paul was doing with the people of Corinth.  Love has always been something “to do” for me.  So, yesterday I went to my daughter’s home to replace her car battery.  I went there and removed the old one taking it to the store and purchased the new one.  I got back and installed it and got the car running.  I shoveled show and we drove the car into the garage. Task done–love shown (old thinking).  I told my daughter to be cautious about going anyplace because even though she could now, the roads were still treacherous and her car is not four-wheel.  I came on home.  As I was leaving she thanked me and told me she loved me.  I said the same.

This morning God was showing me how He wants me to be relaxed about doing loving acts.  When acts are done in Godly love, God is seen.  If I’m uptight as I would have been any other time doing some mechanical thing I would have certainly shown the uptight Earnie.  God not only sees me as Christ in me, but when I go in His Love, others see this too.  This is the Earnie God is wanting me to know and be.  I’m sure I should have known this but somehow God is bringing out what the day to day living His love is like.  Just accepting myself for who I am is big. Then, taking myself to do what had been uncomfortable like mechanical things and not being uptight is remarkable.  I haven’t done this until now.

Today, I thank God for showing me these steps of revelation into what living in Him is like.  I am a new creation and I am learning what living in this new body is like.  Praise be to God!

The world as found right here in S. Idaho is truly winter.   Church is cancelled, schools have been cancelled for the past three days, my daughter’s car won’t start and jumping it yesterday wasn’t going to start it either.  Today I will get a new battery and install it.  The only issue is that it is suppose to snow several more inches today and maybe turn to ice rain later on.  I write this because this morning I was working with God regarding how a new creation deals with all of this?  I know my old person would be calling someone for help but now I know I can give the help that’s needed.  This just means the new creation doesn’t panic with mechanical problems like he use to.  But, I found myself wanting to step into doing God’s work as I help my daughter.  God was reminding me about His role and mine.  I’m good with that so I’ll take care of the battery and let God do His part with my daughter.

There was something else this morning that really stirred me.  In the book: The Nature of Freedom I found myself being exposed to continued new awakenings.  The part I’m now processing is called:  “What the Cross means for you and me”.  I’ve always heard that Christ is the bridge from God to us.  I understood that as being what I walked over to get to God–it was like a path or road.  The problem with this mental picture was that the old Earnie was always the one walking over the path.  Today, however, I saw this picture differently.  Yes, Christ is the pathway, but He is also the person walking across the path.  He is within me and He is what God sees as I come to Him.  Once again, this isn’t a new message to me, but the reality of this is new.  I for the first time saw myself coming to God and God seeing me in Christ, not seeing me in sin.

Here is the beauty in this for me–When I go to my daughter’s to help, I’m not taking the incapable Earnie who couldn’t do any mechanical thing right.  I am going as new Earnie who will use what he knows and get help from there.  That is such a simple shift, but it is totally freeing for me.  To God be the Glory!

This morning is the morning where God brought clarity to a lifelong fear of mine.  If you’ve been reading my blog this week you know the struggle about love.  I’m a pretty persistent guy staying with a topic until I (we) get to the bottom of it.  I may have been wrong when the findings come out, but that is never the problem.  I just want to find where the truth of something is.  This morning, God brought together several pieces to this love topic and I think I actually “get it” now.  Let me proceed.

My Bible reading this morning was II Corinthians 1-3.  In these chapters Paul is talking to the people of Corinth about supporting one another in healthy ways and doing something about the wrongs of those who are in the midst of sin.  He’s using his own relationship with them as well as their relationship with God to spur them into action.  Joyce Meyer adds a piece at this point about her own past struggle not feeling like her husband ever supported her when she was struggling.  She finally got to the point realizing it wasn’t her husband that was the problem.  It was actually her and her relationship with herself and with God.  She was looking for what she needed in man rather than in God and herself.  Coupled with all of this I’m doing the activities in the book: The Nature of Freedom.  Today was to write the negatives I say about myself and what God’s counter to them would be.  I wrote:  sin–created in the image of God; mistake–on purpose; unwanted–wanted; disgrace–proud; unlovable–loved;  baby–strong;  weak–gifted;  unworthy–worthy;  worthless–valuable.

As I continued to read the scripture in II Cor. 3 Joyce explained in a passage about how man confuses religion with relationship.  We tend to serve God through religious activities instead of building a strong relationship with Him.  God desires for us to serve Him out of a healthy relationship with Him rather than serving God to hopefully build the relationship (as I’ve done).  In all of this God suddenly brought clarity to me about love.  Love is relationship–plain and simple. It isn’t a list of responsibilities to demonstrate love or a relationship.

After making the list of how I’ve seen myself and countering it with what I know about how God sees me I was able to see that God has been wanting me to see myself from his list of characteristics.  I have to tell you that it was like–MY GOD, this is me???  My response to me was–yes, this IS me.  It is the me God created in the first place and the new me He gave through Christ’s personal sacrifice.  All the beliefs I’d acquired early in my childhood were finally exposed as lies.  Isn’t that unbelievable?–yet true.

God has never intended for any of us to live with such lies.  Satan has used sin as a darkness to keep us hidden from God’s truth.  I hope this makes sense to those who read it.  God is wanting each of us to know it is His intent for us to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31).  Loving ourselves is where we are to start and this means having a healthy relationship with ourselves.  That is God intended.  I can do this now.  I do feel set free in this arena.  I hope you find this freedom for yourself if you struggle in this area as I always have.  To God be the Glory–great things He has done!

It is funny as I type the title–Journey Continues and then start the entry with a reflection.  I may want to change this name to The Journey’s Reflections.  Yesterday started with the tasks I was going to do showing love.  I kept getting the sense I needed to call one of our pastors and talk with him.  This sense had been nudging me for the past couple days regarding this love topic.  After getting my grandson pulled out I called him.  He told me to come by right then so I did.  We talked much about this item of receiving love, believing God’s love and how to know it.

After leaving I went home and spent some time in the new book I bought myself in December.  It is entitled:  The Nature of Freedom by Graham Cooke.  It’s a compilation of love letters from God and reflection questions to respond to regarding what the letters say.  I have had this book for 3 weeks now waiting to get started.  It nailed my struggle.  On one page the question was:  What are the upgrades in your language that will reflect what God believes about you?  Ex. “Instead of saying______, I can say _______.”  I wrote:  Instead of saying I’m abused, I can now say I’m redeemed.  Instead of saying torn apart, I can say I’m lifted up.  Instead of saying I wasn’t wanted I can now say I was planned even before the earth was formed. Instead of saying I don’t know love, I can now say God is teaching me love.  Instead of saying I’m a broken vessel I can say I am born again and made new.  Lastly, instead of saying I can’t believe, I can say I believe!

This morning is when I did this page.  After writing the above items I went back to I Corinthians 13 and read it again.  It is called “the love chapter”.  I was able to read it without the fear I felt only a few days ago.  God really is teaching me about Himself and me.  This morning I realized that love is far more about Him than it is about me.  It becomes about me when I say:  “I believe”.  All things become possible when I (we) believe.

I guess you know that this is also true for you.  God doesn’t pick who He loves.  He waits for us to reach out to the love He already has extended to us.  To God be the glory!

So a truth about me comes out today.  We have had a record breaking amount of snow in the last couple weeks with an accumulation on the ground of 18+ inches.  All activities at our church have been stopped momentarily and my work with the school district has halted also due to all district’s cancelling school until the roads can be cleared.  So, what’s the truth about me in all of this?  I need to be doing something.  God has brought me to this point of addressing love and being loved.  He has made it very clear that His new creation can not only give love but can receive this.  In my mind I need to put this to work–right?

Well, my grandson just called and needs to have his car pulled out.  So, I’ll go over to where he lives and do this.  There are some phone calls God is asking me to make which is reaching out to some folks I know need to simply be affirmed.  I think this is giving love and it isn’t being done to hide anything–just give love.  That’s the odd awakening to loving in the new creation.  I don’t do anything to hide something.  How different this is.  I’ve just never had a loving thought that didn’t accompany a hiding one.  This is going to take some time but I’ll do this one day at a time, one moment at a time and see where it goes.  Just getting this started is already very freeing.  To God be the Glory!

I’m thinking the headline for this new year is LOVE–what in the world is it?  Yesterday I wrote about this and its personal impact on me.  Last night our Conquer class for men struggling with sexual addiction started again after taking 2 weeks away for the holidays.  The lesson had nothing to do with love, but it was all about love for me.  The lesson was teaching about fighting with God’s weapons when we are attacked by the enemy.

The armor of God:  Ephesians 6: 14-17 was a key part of the lesson.  It starts with the Belt of Truth.  I’ve just never addressed how my past annihilated my capacity to know love.  The beatings of childhood, the verbal abuse of it, the sexual abuse of it totally wiped away the innocence of childhood and replaced it with reservation, caution, walls, etc.  The lesson last night said we are to tell the truth about what we are experiencing and feeling.  I tried that one time and witnessed the worst beating I’d ever seen dad give.  I wasn’t going there again.  The truth that needed to come out was then protected with the same walls I was building within me.

All these years later God is telling me that His new creation–me, can let this go.  I can surrender it once and for all.  The lesson last night had questions to respond to about shame, guilt and sin.  The last question was:  Is sin your identity?  Yes, indeed it was my identity up until a very few years ago.  Even when I began to address this, it took up until now to remove the depth of its bondage.

As I began to think about love I thought it would be in the absence of all the ugliness of my past.  Instead, God is showing me that in spite of my past, I can love and be loved.  He started that by His love for me through Jesus Christ.  He is now showing me that I can trust love.  Actually, at this point all I can do is write this.  I don’t know the substance of it yet, but I’m assured I will in time.  God actually told me this morning to look around me and I would see evidence of love everywhere.  I can definitely see this.  Now I need to let it touch me.  I’ve told God this morning I want to be a good learner here and trust Him.  I’m glad I know “one day at a time, one moment at a time”.  I need that reminder with this topic.

I hope this blog is helping someone.  We can trust God together if so.

Well, God doesn’t waste any time moving me from the assurance of yesterday into today’s message from this morning’s devotion.  God has been helping me believe that this empty vessel He has cleansed through the blood of His Son Jesus Christ and filled with His Holy Spirit can now love.  I Corinthians 13 is all about this.  I’ve read this chapter literally hundreds of times in my life.  I’ve even used it when I’ve done the wedding ceremony for my nephew’s wedding and for the wedding vows renewal for dear friends.  I did all of this for–them.  This morning God is driving home that He means all of this too for me.  I’ve already told Him that we ought to leave good enough alone.  He’s assured me this won’t happen.  He leaves nothing incomplete.

I was stupidly reading the chapters leading up to chapter 13 in I Corinthians knowing this chapter was coming.  I wasn’t expecting God to slam me with the reality that there is more for me to address.  It is like He has pealed away all other layers and now in front of Him and me is my heart.  I feel like this is where I’ve always needed to protect that little boy who was called a weakling, a sissy, a baby, a bawl baby, a good wife, Hazel….  The anxiety began to swell in me as I was being confronted with this from God, He was at the same time assuring me that His work in me as I stated in the second sentence of this blog entry is complete for these anxieties too.  I asked Him how I could trust this time?  He simply said what I hear stated in every lesson of Celebrate Recovery–one day at a time, one moment at a time.

Maybe no one would know this, but I’ve always been very guarded with being loved.  Let me love you by doing things for you, but lets end it with that.  Just don’t be like dad about love for me and don’t touch me when I am not expecting it like my brother always did.  I’d rather you just be present.  I write this and see how selfish and controlling this is on my part.  There has been reason for it, but God is saying I can let this go now once and for all.  The new creation has no place for this type of receptivity for love.

I’m sure there will be more to this lesson for me.  This is ample for today.  I am going to step into it knowing the God I serve wants me to be here.  I guess He thinks I’m ready for this.  I know I’m ready to be all He wants me to be.  If this is my next lesson then ok.  Here we go.

I don’t think I’ve ever entered into a new year without a mental list of things I must be and do.  The be’s and do’s were always important so I could find relevance in living each day.  God has finally brought me face to face with this faulty thinking.  My scripture reading this morning is now in I Corinthians.  Back when I was in high school the Lord impressed upon me I Cor. 10:13.  I talk about this in my book, but this verse at the time gave me hope that the temptations of life wouldn’t have to overrule my behaviors or overrule the behaviors of how others treated me–my brother and my dad.  Scores of times I would plead with God to make this verse real and not just be a hope.  However, knowing the Bible is true, I would hang onto what the verse said hoping it could be true someday.

The second relevant verse of today’s reading is I Cor. 10:31.  The second part of this verse says:  “do all for the honor and glory of God.”  There is nothing added to the end of this verse saying something like:  do all for the honor and glory of God so you can now be important to Him and others.

Fast forward 50+ years.  God has replaced that added phrase of mine with the assurance that His work in me through Jesus Christ, His Gift to me of His Holy Spirit is as sufficient and complete as He Is Almighty.  He no longer wants me doing or trying to be in order to prove some type of hopeful worthiness which would be gone just as soon as the task was done.  The anxiousness that had been within me is now replaced with an assurance that my vessel–me–is able to be used by God as He so chooses.  There is such a calm in being in this state of mind.  I’ve never known it before.

There is a verse in Mark 9:24 that states:  “…I believe, help Thou my unbelief….”  So many times I’d seek God’s favor in trying to get Him to strengthen my unbelief so I could be disciplined enough to be and do all He wanted of me.  Finally, I’ve learned that discipline is replaced by surrender.  None of this has happened quickly for me.  God has needed to chip away at many defects of character I’d developed early in my life.  Today I am ready to be an empty vessel that God has filled with His Holy Spirit and, that vessel–He cleansed it completely by the blood of His Own Son–Jesus Christ making it ready for the Spirit’s indwelling.  I surrender to this truth and can now finally do what the scripture says in I Cor. 10:31–“do all for the honor and glory of God.”  I can now end the scripture where God has always wanted it to end–with Him (not me).