I awoke half way through the night last night and my mind was filled with all kinds of thoughts about my inabilities and inadequacies.  This doesn’t often happen to me, but when it has happened in the past I would desperately keep them a secret and try even harder to ensure no one saw them.  I’d be anxious and highly on guard to know what I was missing.  They would fall in line with what I believed about myself primarily from dad’s early comments to me.  Last night however, I wasn’t in a state of panic as always before, I was in a state of confusion.  I didn’t understand why this “new creation” was being hit with these “old man” items.  I told the thoughts I was a new creation and they weren’t me any longer–in fact, I must have told them that many times.  Eventually I went back to sleep.

This morning I needed to find out from God what all this was about.  I wasn’t in a state of panic or anxiety, but I was still in the state of confusion.  I couldn’t understand why this was still happening with the new creation.  It was in the asking that God brought about the clarity He wanted me to know.  In Ephesians 6:11, Paul is telling the people of Ephesus to “put on God’s whole armor that you may be able successfully to stand up against the strategies and the deceits of the devil.”(Amplified Bible)  God went on to remind me that being a new creation doesn’t make me unable to be tempted to sin or tempted to be deceived by Satan’s undermining.  So instead of falling prey to his deceitfulness, I was able to counter the lies with God’s truth.  My abilities are centered around God’s abilities and His strength.   I don’t ever need to believe these old feelings anymore.  If God is placing me in a situation He will provide the ability and strength to do what He wants.

The last piece of understanding for me is that this was spiritual and not flesh.  I’ve always applied something like this to flesh.  In my flesh I was, I thought, incapable just as my dad would say.  However, God is awakening me to the spiritual torment of Satan and I can stand in it knowing He has provided a way of escape just as He says in I Corinthians 10:13.