So today is part 2 of yesterday’s blog.  Here is the last paragraph of yesterday’s entry:

Well, I’ve always feared stepping into the struggle of homosexuality.  I’ve struggled from the abuse of a brother (for 12.5 years) who was gay and I’ve struggled with the thoughts of it.  I’ve talked about this publicly when I give my testimony but I don’t go deeply into facing this giant because of my fear that it owned me.  As a new creation God is showing me that it is a struggle and not an owner.  He is the One who owns me.  When I said last weekend in my blog about the two people who talked to me regarding my addressing this topic, I went into a panic.  I knew I should but I also knew I couldn’t.  God has firmly shown me in the last few days that I can and I will by doing it as the new creation He has given me.  As the new creation I will do this with The Holy Spirit’s empowerment.  Now, that is the end of the plan.  I don’t know anymore.  So now I put into effect the substance of faith, hope and trust.  This new creation has an old man story that needs to be used to help others find the freedom in spirit God is giving me.  I want to help as best I can and now I say–I will as a new creation.

Yesterday afternoon I went by our church office to pay for some materials they had ordered.  Our associate pastor who oversees adult ministries was present and I asked to talk a minute with him.  I told him about what I’d put in the paragraph above.  I asked why our church doesn’t talk more about Spirit-filled living and teach this?  I feel too much like I’m on my own right now.  He assured me he was fully aware of this gap and conversations are taking place to address it.  He then told me about his own overcoming walk with God. His anchor verse is Psalms 51:10–“Create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit within me.”

As I’ve begun to live more in the new creation God has given me I’ve still had this lingering fear that at the root of me (the heart of me) is this homosexual man.  Today God confidently asked me to face this once and for all.  I did.  I confessed this haunting fear to Him.  God then provided this amazing sense of peace.  I felt this weight lift and replaced with an assurance.  As I said what David said in Psalms 51:10 I knew that God had just done this.  He gave me a clean heart that is no longer afraid.  I can now easily see the difference between the struggle of homosexuality I have and the ownership of this.  I am not owned by anything except God my Father and His Team of Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit.  The next step to all of this will come and I can stand knowing He will make the way for this to happen.  I do love my Father and the freedom He provides.