I awoke half way through the night last night and my mind was filled with all kinds of thoughts about my inabilities and inadequacies. This doesn’t often happen to me, but when it has happened in the past I would desperately keep them a secret and try even harder to ensure no one saw them. I’d be anxious and highly on guard to know what I was missing. They would fall in line with what I believed about myself primarily from dad’s early comments to me. Last night however, I wasn’t in a state of panic as always before, I was in a state of confusion. I didn’t understand why this “new creation” was being hit with these “old man” items. I told the thoughts I was a new creation and they weren’t me any longer–in fact, I must have told them that many times. Eventually I went back to sleep.
This morning I needed to find out from God what all this was about. I wasn’t in a state of panic or anxiety, but I was still in the state of confusion. I couldn’t understand why this was still happening with the new creation. It was in the asking that God brought about the clarity He wanted me to know. In Ephesians 6:11, Paul is telling the people of Ephesus to “put on God’s whole armor that you may be able successfully to stand up against the strategies and the deceits of the devil.”(Amplified Bible) God went on to remind me that being a new creation doesn’t make me unable to be tempted to sin or tempted to be deceived by Satan’s undermining. So instead of falling prey to his deceitfulness, I was able to counter the lies with God’s truth. My abilities are centered around God’s abilities and His strength. I don’t ever need to believe these old feelings anymore. If God is placing me in a situation He will provide the ability and strength to do what He wants.
The last piece of understanding for me is that this was spiritual and not flesh. I’ve always applied something like this to flesh. In my flesh I was, I thought, incapable just as my dad would say. However, God is awakening me to the spiritual torment of Satan and I can stand in it knowing He has provided a way of escape just as He says in I Corinthians 10:13.
God is truly amazing. In our pastor’s sermon yesterday he talked about God’s Name: Alpha & Omega. If God isn’t the beginning and the end of all I do, He isn’t my God. In between these two places I’ve put myself or something else in God’s place. This sermon resonated with God’s present work in my life. All through my life I’ve put limits and walls around parts of me. In much younger years they were done to protect me I thought. In my working years I thought those walls not only protected me, but they also shielded me from any further abuse. In my present time I am learning that there can be no more walls. These walls had built caves or dark rooms where I found my own sin. In God’s penetrating light I can see all of this so clearly now. Instead of walls God has given me His armor. This armor is found in the Ephesians 6:10-18. This armor goes on the new creation God has made in me. I had tried to put this armor on the old self which never worked because the old self was dead but I was still trying to live in him.
I find all of this so amazing! I’ve been intentionally working on my recovery out in the open for nearly 10 years. I’m finally getting it. The Nature of Freedom, by Graham Cooke, is also a valuable tool in my awakening. I had just written “remaking” instead of “awakening” in the previous sentence. As soon as I wrote it I felt God’s Spirit nudging me with the fact that I’m not being remade, I am being awakened to the new creation He’d given me so long ago. I was the one trying to remake me. God is now showing me what this new creation is and how I’m to live in him. There is so much greater freedom and peacefulness in this. In my book, The Journey from Error to Heir, the last section is Finding Freedom. Someday I will need to add an additional section–something like: Living in Freedom.
Yesterday proved to be an interesting day learning about the new creation I am and how this works into my nature. We were having company last night to celebrate a friend’s birthday. He and his wife plus his sister visiting from out of state came over for dinner. In the afternoon I had gone into town to my daughter’s home so she could cut my hair. Afterwards I thought it would be nice to get him a gift. I’m not so generous but Penny’s had great sales going. I bought him a nice shirt I thought he’d like. I was amazed how he seemed to enjoy this and he thanked me a couple times during the evening. This was truly the new me listening to nudges from the Holy Spirit.
After they’d gone home I was loading the dishwasher while Kathy came in the kitchen. Our dinner had been food she typically isn’t eating on her diet. She was now preparing something she was going to eat which her diet allows even though she’d partook with the dinner. I asked why she was eating more as though I were her control agent? She told me it was allowed as though she were responsible to me.
This morning’s devotional was about repentance in the new creation. I instantly knew I had to repent for trying to control Kathy’s eating. The interesting piece to this and why I’m confessing this in my blog, I didn’t attach my behavior to my old self. This is simply my new creation (which is still human) being willful and not responding to the Holy Spirit’s nudge, allowing Him to be Kathy’s agent. I know I am not in charge of Kathy and I don’t want to be. She and God are a good team unto themselves. She and I are a good team when God is at the helm of us too like in last night’s dinner with friends. I’m liking being a new creation and living in it more fully awake to what this actually means. I have so much to learn but God is a mighty good Teacher when I’m listening to His Holy Spirit who is at my helm.
This morning I am awakened to more about being a new creation. It all started with my devotional saying that when we walk with Jesus as our Savior, He will bring forth memories from our past that need to be dealt with. These may be troubling ones but He is now with us and will guide us to deal with them through His healing process. I instantly recalled many He has done this with for me. Then, as I did the piece in the book: The Nature of Freedom, I was asked to write about God’s Righteousness as a new creation. I know that God sees me as this new creation due to accepting Christ in my heart where He places The Holy Spirit. At this point I began my Bible reading: I Thessalonians 5. In this chapter the 19th verse says to not quench the Holy Spirit. I’ve been reading the Amplified Bible where Joyce Meyer adds footnotes at times. She writes something that clarified a confusing item for me. Here she writes: “Many people do not understand that we are tri-part beings: spirit, soul and body. We are a spirit, we have a soul (composed of our mind, will and emotions), and we live in a body. Our new birth begins in our spirit, is carried out through our soul and is finally visible to other people through a demonstration of God’s glory in our lives.”
If someone had made a quiz about these details I’d probably passed just fine because the facts I could produce. If someone would have asked me to write an essay about how all of this manifests itself in real life I would have put facts and not been able to add the manifestation part. What God awakened for me this morning is that He has seen Jesus in me since the time I gave my heart to Him at the age of 10 or 11. I have been a new creation to Him since then. It is only now 56 years later that I’ve begun to truly understand this magnificent reality.
I said yesterday that I had this peace about the relaxed day ahead of me. In past I would be anxious because when a day like that would come I’d be overwhelmed with temptations and thoughts of my inability to conquer them. I only saw me dealing with them as the old self. God’s picture of Christ in me was something I didn’t see. Now that God has been having me write out in the book: The Nature of Freedom, I’m seeing what I’ve always missed. The old me was dead to God but he was active and alive to me. I am the one who has been needing to let him die. I thought my old self would finally die when my body did. Little have I known that I can let him die now. As I learn more about my new creation I am able to surrender my old self to death. My past can die long before my body does if I am able to take the steps God is guiding me through now. I’m going to stay on this journey.
Have you ever wondered what a new creation does when nothing is scheduled for the day? Well, I am wondering that too. So far I’m taking my daughter’s car for an oil change and Kathy is working on a little get together with some friends. That’s it! Always before I’d be anxious about temptations and what I’d need to do so they wouldn’t overwhelm me, etc. Today is not that way. I don’t know this freedom well, but it is fun to sense it without the fear.
Yesterday afternoon I met with one of the men I sponsor. He and I talked about working through the book: The Nature of Freedom. When we talked about the help it has been for me–he cried. He desperately wants this freedom too. Living in the new creation we are given is something all of us need to awaken to so much more. I sure want to stay on this path to freedom. It is so amazing.
Today’s journey has a picture of rest in it. I ended the 3 month commitment to the school dist. yesterday having a 3 hour mtg with the lady who was returning to her position. Today is one of those days where I could be selfish and do nothing if I chose that. I have a dental cleaning this morning and that is my only obligation.
As I started my devotions this morning I was awakened once again to the new creation God has given me through Jesus Christ. I was asked in the book: The Nature of Freedom to write about how it feels to “stand with God” knowing He wants me there. This was an insightful assignment. With all the present awakenings to being a new creation 24/7 I am able to picture myself actually standing with God. It is a very teary picture but the beauty is that I can see it. It actually caused me to reflect on what had been a fact for me all my life. That fact has been that I’ve always wanted this life of mine to end. I’m not suicidal but I would rejoice knowing the agony of living through each day is done. The mask of contentment and joy of living could end. What is so striking for me this morning is the replacement of this old fact. Today I told God I enjoy living each day. The dread of needing to hide behind that old mask is totally gone. The joy of living is real for me and I look forward to living each day as they come. I don’t dread death, but I don’t desire it like I’ve have all my life. I know this is a result of living in the new creation.
God’s blessings are real. I rejoice in this fact. To God be the Glory!
Well, it doesn’t look like spring, but looks can be deceiving! Spring IS coming. Last night I went to our Conquer class. I hadn’t been to it the entire month of January. We had to cancel 3 and then the last two I’d been gone. It was the last session. We now move into the year-long program called 7-Pillars. I look forward to what God will awaken in me and teach me during this time.
Now that I’m more awake to the new creation I am, I am becoming more aware of what this new creation is and what it offers. In Ephesians 6 the armor of God is outlined very well for us and we are told to put it on and use it. When one reads this and sees the components of this armor one would know why God wanted us to use this armor. However, my entire life has been confused and disappointed with the fact I could never make it work for me. Last night’s Conquer class talked specifically about the Breastplate of Righteousness and the Shoes of the Gospel of Peace. Being much more awake to my being a new creation 24/7 I suddenly realize why I’d never been able to use this armor. I was putting it on the defeated, old me rather than this new creation. What good is armor on a corpse? It is still dead. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Laugh at the reality of the truth I’d just awakened to and cry that it took 66 years to finally understand. Part of the lesson last night was visualizing what is true. It seemed God was showing me that in my new creation I stand before Him righteous because Jesus is within me. Then He showed me that this same righteousness if the Breastplate of Righteousness that is on me when Satan comes to attack. The shoes of the Gospel of Peace are the same ones that let me stand before God and to also stand before the tempter. Good grief, I just shake my head even now with the blessed assurance I feel knowing how powerful this truth is!
When I add the rest of the armor of God to these two already mentioned I am ready for the day. I know I’m not alone in this awakening. In the times I’ve shared it I’m asked about the book: The Nature of Freedom that God is using to help me break free of this burdensome old self I’ve drug through life with me. Now that I can see this old self for what it is I can also see that he never looked right in that armor anyway because it wasn’t meant for him. I stand amazed however as a new creation wearing the full armor of God!
Earnie Lewis 