This morning has been a most tender one for me.  Last night I got home from my grandson’s tournament basketball game and there was a letter from the lady who is my prayer warrior.  In it she had written that she sees a trophy case in heaven with my name on it.  In it are the trophies of those whose lives have been changed by God using me in their lives.  I got teary reading it but put it down wishing down deep this could be true.  This morning in The Nature of Freedom, I read, “Beloved, if you want to know Me as Father then you must learn to love being a much loved child.”

These truths of God’s tenderness–loving me, calling me beloved and a much loved child are so thoughtful.  Could I ever believe it?  Then, in my Bible reading I was in II Peter 1:19.  It says:  “And we have the prophetic word still.  You will do well to pay close attention to it as to a lamp shining in a dismal place, until the day breaks though the gloom  and the Morning Star rises in your hearts.”  As I read it God said it was now time to believe Him and not what my dad had taught me to believe about myself.  I am not Hazel the house maid.  I am not someone who will make a “nice wife” someday.  I am not the boy only good enough to be used sexually by a brother for 12.5 years.  Yes, the bondage of all those sins are gone.  But what wasn’t gone was the “dismal place” where the day break hadn’t shed the Morning Star’s Light as of yet.  Today, having had the letter from my prayer warrior coupled with The Nature of Freedom book, I was challenged to face this.  I asked God how I could possibly let this darkness go?  He instantly said, “Stand and Believe”.  I did and I wept.  The truth is I did this about 4 times.

As I write this now I sense the darkness gone.  I know I am to believe.  I wrote in my journal, Mark 9:24–“I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!”  I know God in His Faithfulness will help me do this too.  Somehow I know His Holy Spirit has been wanting this moment to take place for a while.  Embracing this is daunting for me.  Feeling loved and good about yourself doesn’t have to mean one is egotistical.  That was another of dad’s messages.  These lies will be replaced with truth now that the Morning Star is shining into this dismal place.  I do BELIEVE!  I am so grateful for God’s continued love and patience.