Today is Mother’s Day.  I’ve liked this day because I liked and loved my own mom.  Celebrating it the last few years has been nice too.  We go out to dinner the night before and then spend the day taking time for a Sunday drive, picnic, doing things just Kathy likes.  Today is different.  We have two grandkids with us, things to get ready to leave for California for the memorial service, etc.

God is wanting me to be much more awake to a character defect I’m now seeing:  selfishness.  My biggest lesson is how easily I’m attacked when I’m selfish.  I’ve not thought of myself as selfish, at least not very much anyway.  This was too much like dad and I hated such thoughts.  However, I’m really seeing this is me.  I’ve easily seen how Satan attacked me last week.  I see how easily we are attacked when we are in a selfish mode.  Satan feeds our appetite in this area.  I sure want to be a good learner and guard my heart a lot better in the future.  I also know that I need to stay in touch with Kathy and my support team during a time like this.  The facts of all this I’ve known for some time, but putting these facts into actual experience is my need.  Pride is right there are the top of the list with selfishness too.  Who wants to believe that flesh can dominate their strength?  I’ve sure never wanted to think that about me–once again it was too much like the way I saw dad.  However, once again, I was there.  I didn’t want to let others know I was struggling so much.  Leaning on God’s strength instead of my own is a tough shift.  Little by little I’m learning.

Our last Celebrate Recovery Step Study lesson is today.  It is on Leaders.  It starts out saying leaders are good learners.  Well, I want to be a good learner in what I’m recently experiencing.  So, here we go.