Today is a new day.  As I continued into yesterday from writing the blog’s message, I had some errands I needed to run.  I thought I was going to get a couple of my grandsons but they were spending the day with their dad so I was able to be alone.  I drove into town to do some errands and felt this nudge to call my counselor/therapist I’d spent three years with.  I told her about The Grievance Story lesson and being stuck trying to address the lack of love/intimacy I had with mom.  She already knew from so many therapy sessions how I felt about mom.  In fact in some ways, I practically worshiped my mom–I think all of us kids did.  My counselor/friend told me I should think about the fact that truth not brought to the Light cannot be dealt with and in my case, forgiven.  The truth was that mom did neglect to give me support during those years of abuse.  Dad’s abuse had everyone frozen in place due to fear of him.  However, the abuse of Rich had nothing to do with dad, yet I’d told dad and mom about it when I was about 11 and for the next 5-6 years it continued and she never check in.  How much I needed to have her do so–in fact I ached for her to just ask me.

So, yesterday while driving in town, I had a long conversation with mom in my pickup. Yes, I was talking to someone who has been gone for 18 years but I no longer feel strange doing such necessary things.  I told her the struggle I’ve had, my yearning heart and disappointment.  I then told her I forgive her for not doing anything that I knew about.  I know that someday she and I will have our chance to talk this through.  Now, however, I was ready to forgive and move on–let go of the bondage that the absence of intimate love and care can give a young child.

This morning I have journaled extensively about this with God–my Heavenly Dad.  Even He and I seem closer now that I’ve found these roots that needed to be removed.  I feel humbled and restored in someways.  To God be all Glory!  How much our Father loves us and waits to heal our hurts and wounds when we finally take the steps He offers for us to take.