Today I awoke with a very anxious spirit.  It all started about 2:30 am but I would go back to sleep off and on.  When I did get up I couldn’t shake it.  My Bible reading is in Psalms presently.  Guess what it said to do? Bless the Lord, Praise the Lord, Thank the Lord!  It seemed the entire message of the Psalms this morning was about praising God for what is before me.

As I got to my journaling the puzzle in this began to take shape.  I asked God to help me see the reason for the anxiety.  Some of it seemed only natural.  Last night I was contacted by the one I co-lead a step study with. He had relapsed with his area of sobriety.  This would mean I need to get a different co-leader.  Secondly, today I meet about the work I’m doing with one of our pastors to build a stronger sense of connection between our ministries of our church.  I also had a big setback with the Aslan project yesterday.  Lastly, I meet tomorrow with a couple folks about the weekend conference our church is doing on Hope for the Hurting.  This was the only one I was excited about rather than anxious.

As I began to take these one at a time I began to see what I believe God was wanting me to be awakened to.  Each of these items I started doing with much eagerness.  I’ve always been a person with a lot of adrenaline.  However, God began to show me how this energy was belittled when I was young.  It got to the place where I would be anxious instead of eager.  All the energy I wanted to expend on a project would be crippled with insult and ridicule–I only wanted to do these things to get a “big head” I was told by dad.  Celebrate Recovery calls these character defects when what is natural gets turned into what is unnatural for human nature.  My thinking about projects brings about anxiousness instead of eagerness for fear it will fail or be only about me instead of completing God’s Kingdom Work.  It was good to see this clearly.  I use to think my anxiousness was a flaw in my person.  I realize now it is a flaw in my thinking.  What God wanted to use as a signal for me to spend time getting the work of a project down thoroughly, Satan wanted to have me think I’d blown it again.  I am simply flawed.

The work we do for God’s Kingdom is always under attack.  Don’t hide the attack, bring it into the Light of Jesus Christ.  I think we will see great truth when we do.  Tell someone you trust about the attack.  This is a good way to see the Light of Christ’s Truth.  How I love Him for this.