Today is a new day.  It is actually a beautiful one too.  The weather right now is wonderful–cool mornings and yet the heat of summer is staying with us but tempered with the coolness of night.

Yesterday was a day of new for me with the healing of belief.  All through the day God reinforced this with me.  I called the prayer warrior I have who gave me the Joyce Meyer Bible and thanked her for it again.  I told her about yesterday’s time with God and His Healing for me.  Instead of me blessing her she said she was working on a new assignment.  She has been finding all the “I am’s” in the Bible.  Usually we see the I AM’s of God since He calls Himself–I AM.  Yet this prayer warrior is finding the I am’s which God has given us.  She said she wanted me to know the I am from Ephesians 2:10:  “I am God’s masterpiece.”  I call to bless her and she continues to add blessing to me.  I love her for this.

Later in the day a friend calls wanting me to stop by if I’m coming in to town.  I was intending to do so to get my grandson and to deliver veggies for my kids from my garden.  The friend had a gift she’d made which is to remind me to see whatever I’m facing as a lesson from God.  If I pause, step back and seek God I will find His purpose for it.  A great reminder this is when we face anything in life.

This morning as I was journaling and wrote: “Father, what do you want me to know from you today?”  He said He wanted me to stay with the work of yesterday.  I have a strong tendency to finish something and then immediately go to the next assignment.  God however, wants me to stay with the healing of belief from yesterday.  He reminded me that the roots of unbelief for me have been deep within my being.  I need to stay with belief so its roots can now go deep.  Little did I know that the concrete side of this was started yesterday by two friends giving me the start.  One having me write down I am God’s masterpiece so I can reference it and the other one a painted stone with Turn It Over on it so I can turn over the situation I’m facing to see God’s purpose in it.

I write my blog as a personal journey.  My prayer is that this is also helpful for you if you are taking steps to strengthen your personal walk with God.  He is a God of miracles as well as One of Love and Mercy.

This morning God solidified something for me I have wished, hoped, dreamed of for my entire life.  In the past several days I’ve dealt with a number of individuals who have been struggling with their sin, relapsed into their sin or simply struggled with the temptations.  I too have my own moments with this struggle as I’m sure every reader of this blog does.

As I was reading in Psalms this morning I came upon 116:10.  It states:  “I believed, and therefore have I spoken.  I am greatly afflicted.”  In the Joyce Meyer’s bible I’m reading she has rewritten this verse to say: “I believed (trusted in, relied on, and clung to my God), and therefore have I spoken (even when I said), I am greatly afflicted.”  She later writes a paragraph regarding the impact of this verse on her life.  She says she was a negative thinker and often stated her negativity.  She confessed that and began to change that behavior.  It wasn’t however, until she began to replace it with positivity that her life firmly changed.  She began to confess biblical truths stated in God’s word each day which she personally struggled to believe for herself.  The first one she states is; “I am dead to sin but alive to God (Romans 6:11).

I was so struck by this one that I stopped, reread it and then God began to speak to me, not about all the ones I’d talked to this week, but about me.  He told me He knew this was my own struggle–I didn’t believe this truth for me.  I then confessed I felt like the father in Mark 9:24 who says, “I believe, help thou my unbelief.”  I have so wanted to believe that I am worthy of the grace of Christ’s work dying on the cross for me and my sin and the sin done to me, but the roots of it still show up at times.  Today I stood before God my Father in my own den and accepted Christ’s healing.  This morning I BELIEVE for me–Christ’s healing GRACE is for me too.  I humbly accept it and I mightily believe it is real.  I had always hoped this would someday come to be real but never truly believed it would happen.  God in His faithfulness did His work today through His Son Christ Jesus, my Savior, my Lord and now my Healer–I Believe!

My journey completed itself yesterday amazing me how thorough God is and how thoughtful His thoroughness is.  His Holy Spirit does complete His work with one message and it is beautiful to watch it work itself out when I don’t interfere with the process.  The meeting early yesterday morning ended itself with everything that needs to happen taking place without even suggesting the steps.  God had already orchestrated the steps without me saying anything.  The meeting for the troubled teen ended the same way.  I do know that many times outcomes are not so crystal clear, but I am learning that outcomes are always clear to God.  Running ahead of Him adds so much drama and anxiety.  I do want to be a good student and learn from this reality.

Kathy is gone to the hills with friends for a 3 day get away.  She enjoys this and I always use the time to to simply enjoy home and what goes on here.  However, I do find myself vulnerable to temptations at this time.  This morning in my scripture reading it seemed the message of every Psalms I read was about the result of honest worship with God.  Worshiping God, asking God to heal the areas of hurt and need in our lives, and obeying what He directs us to do through His Holy Spirit are steps He made clear.  These are the steps I always want to take.  In so doing I need to remember the words of the Serenity Prayer–“taking one day at a time, one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.”  I use to tell myself at times like this that I’d need to be strong for this amount of time while I was alone.  It often didn’t happen either.  However, God is reminding me to keep my eyes on what He tells.  One day at a time and one moment at a time is always doable with Him.  Panic and fear are tools of Satan.  Confident assurance taking the steps God outlines are His tools.  I will choose His.

Today started early with the meeting regarding my co-leader for the step study.  It was changed from last night to 6:00 am this morning.  I was a little concerned because the man I wanted to replace him as co-leader is the share group leader for his accountability group last night.  However, last night they were able to talk about it on their own.  God used His ways to have the communication take place which I had felt I needed to do.  I love how intimate and tender God is at handling these issues which man stresses over.  The young man is staying in the step study as a participant now knowing this is the path He needs to take to address his own recovery.

Later this morning I meet with another one of our pastors regarding a troubled teen in our youth program for Celebrate Recovery.  God was reminding me this morning in my devotional time that I need to not prepare my message–He wants me only giving His.  I knew exactly what He was talking about.  I have had more than one conversation with this pastor and they don’t always go as I would wish.  So, my mind has been working overtime prepping the right message.  God was reminding me that it isn’t my prepped message He wants given.  I simply need to state what the issue is and let Him take it from there.  I hate the fact that I have to have these constant reminders.  As human as I am, I hate being so.  Stepping out of humanness is stepping into eternity.  God hasn’t wanted me out of humanness yet so I will continue on this path of needing my constant reminders.

God is so good!  I love serving Him and am so glad to be called a child of the King.  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

My journey today continues from yesterday.  Everything I was anxious about yesterday is now addressed for the present.  The work with our pastor for this Fall is on target, the man for which I have co-led the step study is meeting with me today, the meeting this morning for the upcoming Fall conference has even more good news developing and–I resigned my position on the Aslan Christian Academy board.

This morning as I was journaling this situation with God I had a lesson come about.  My book had just come off the press the Fall of 2015 when I was told about Aslan.  I was so eager to have my story be worthwhile for God.  I know I was running ahead of His timing now.  I was asked at the time to work with the project putting together the educational plan.  I did that easily as the connections for doing so were already in place for me.  However, Aslan was stuck with leadership issues at the board level and so I was asked to help them with their leadership and join the board.  I knew there was reluctance among the members but I went ahead anyway.  This is the step I took on my own.  The “chasing tail” which was in place at the time is still in place.  I could see this and anything I would do to make it visible for others only insult others.  Stepping away yesterday helped me see that God intends to do His work in this–He didn’t ask me to do this, man did.  I do want to be a good student and learn this lesson well.  My eagerness to help needs firm confirmation from God’s Spirit within before I say YES.

This blog for me has been something I’ve felt God wanted me to do to help others who are on this journey of living a life fully committed to God.  As I began it I hoped others would learn from my personal walk, little did I know how many times I’d have to describe my stumbling efforts staying on the path of the journey.  Nonetheless, the purpose is still the same, I want to honor God with my living for Him and learn from each lesson to be a stronger, more faithful servant.  I pray my mistakes help others to not have to stumble so much.

Today I awoke with a very anxious spirit.  It all started about 2:30 am but I would go back to sleep off and on.  When I did get up I couldn’t shake it.  My Bible reading is in Psalms presently.  Guess what it said to do? Bless the Lord, Praise the Lord, Thank the Lord!  It seemed the entire message of the Psalms this morning was about praising God for what is before me.

As I got to my journaling the puzzle in this began to take shape.  I asked God to help me see the reason for the anxiety.  Some of it seemed only natural.  Last night I was contacted by the one I co-lead a step study with. He had relapsed with his area of sobriety.  This would mean I need to get a different co-leader.  Secondly, today I meet about the work I’m doing with one of our pastors to build a stronger sense of connection between our ministries of our church.  I also had a big setback with the Aslan project yesterday.  Lastly, I meet tomorrow with a couple folks about the weekend conference our church is doing on Hope for the Hurting.  This was the only one I was excited about rather than anxious.

As I began to take these one at a time I began to see what I believe God was wanting me to be awakened to.  Each of these items I started doing with much eagerness.  I’ve always been a person with a lot of adrenaline.  However, God began to show me how this energy was belittled when I was young.  It got to the place where I would be anxious instead of eager.  All the energy I wanted to expend on a project would be crippled with insult and ridicule–I only wanted to do these things to get a “big head” I was told by dad.  Celebrate Recovery calls these character defects when what is natural gets turned into what is unnatural for human nature.  My thinking about projects brings about anxiousness instead of eagerness for fear it will fail or be only about me instead of completing God’s Kingdom Work.  It was good to see this clearly.  I use to think my anxiousness was a flaw in my person.  I realize now it is a flaw in my thinking.  What God wanted to use as a signal for me to spend time getting the work of a project down thoroughly, Satan wanted to have me think I’d blown it again.  I am simply flawed.

The work we do for God’s Kingdom is always under attack.  Don’t hide the attack, bring it into the Light of Jesus Christ.  I think we will see great truth when we do.  Tell someone you trust about the attack.  This is a good way to see the Light of Christ’s Truth.  How I love Him for this.

Yesterday’s living out the day was one of spirit awakening.  It seemed much of the day had “spirit” written all over it and within it.  Maybe all days are to be this way but it pronounced for me in yesterday.  Our choir is something I love and enjoy in practice on Monday nights and on Sunday mornings when we sing for God’s glory.  Our director is someone who is able to bring the spirit of a song to the forefront of a performance.  I love her for this gift.  Yesterday was a perfect example of this and I found my own spirit connecting to this.

The sermon of our pastor was alive in spirit yesterday too.  I usually listen with a mind ready for learning but I kept finding my spirit nudging me with thoughts and actions to take I haven’t experienced.  Our monthly Celebrate Recovery leadership meeting was yesterday following our 2nd service.  God nudged me with something He wanted done in the meeting and it was met with great approval by the entire group of 18 people.  I was amazed (but shouldn’t be).

Our step study lesson was Action.  Every response to questions was for me about taking action regarding my spirit (my inner self).  I have always wanted to complete action with things I can see outside myself.  That is where I’ve been able to determine worth of action.  However God is clearly wanting me to see worth/value from inside myself.  My spirit is waking up somehow.

This morning I’ve been up since a little after 4:00 am.  God has had so much to show me.  One of those is reaching out to some men who expressed their struggles to me yesterday.  In times past I’ve wanted to step into the problem with them.  However, God is showing me that He wants me to give emotional support to them.  HE wants to step into the problem with them.  Let my emotional support be such that points their problems to finding God’s solutions through Him–not me.

Well, this is day one of being a new creation that is awakening to living spirit-filled.  It makes intrinsic worth something to ponder differently than I ever have before.  To God be all Glory!

Last Sunday I missed the step study lesson our group did.  It is called Turn and it focuses on turning your will over to the control of God.  Today’s lesson is Action.  It is focused on taking action on what God has for you to do.  These are simple definitions and for the most part I’ve live it as such for the past 9 years in my life application of the lessons.

This morning as I was going through them in preparation for today I had a real awakening.  God has been working with me a great deal in helping me build intimacy with Him.  In the lesson on Turn we are to turn our will over to our Higher Power–Jesus Christ.  I’ve known this and it meant just that.  Today as I read this I was struck with the truth of my belief.  Jesus Christ’s power was getting me to heaven when I die.  His death and resurrection paved the way for this.  God, this morning, wanted me to see the truth of Christ’s Power in my day to day living.  The truth to this power is enabled by His Gift to us when we accept Him as our Savior and Lord.  This Gift is The Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit is within me and He communes with my spirit.  However, if my spirit is not fully connected within me I have little access to The Holy Spirit.  I’ve always kind of thought The Holy Spirit replaced my spirit.  Instead, I’m seeing that they work hand in hand when I am awake to my own spirit.  I’ve said many times that dad’s words were to kill that spirit of mine.  Somehow, he did a pretty good job.  I had blocked my belief that my spirit was profitable and I’d need to do a good job with whatever I was doing.  Also, my brother’s abuse only fed my worthlessness.  God’s Holy Spirit would build my value, I hoped.  A major problem with me was I had learned to not live in the present–it was too painful.  I lived in my mind in the future where all the pain was gone.  The Holy Spirit acts in the present however so until I found my spirit in the present, The Holy Spirit was more silent waiting for me to arrive here.

I’m not sure this is making good sense but I am awakening to a reality I want to understand and live each day.  So, I’ll likely be writing more in days ahead.  To God be all Glory!

Yesterday was an odd day reentering the day to day life of home.  I canned 40 lbs of green beans which profited 76 pints.  The ones I grew in my garden are being eaten by voles which I’m hoping I can eradicate before they do too much more damage.  Being so engaged in the canning I didn’t make connection with anyone except those that called or texted me.  Today is the day I will make connections with the projects (drama) of home.  I use the term drama because home always seems to have drama in it.  I try to see it rationally but it does drain me more than I realize for when I’m gone, as I was recently, I relax more thoroughly and get refreshed.

Today in my devotions I found myself not wanting to reenter some of the drama that awaits.  I was journaling about this with God when He seemed to say that I need to look at it differently now that we are intimately connected.  Always before I have seen drama as messes which man makes.  If I am asked to assist with it I do the best I can but I get emotionally caught too.  God, today, asked me to realize like I never have before, we are going into this drama together.  I am never alone as He is always with me.  When we do this together I am actually bringing Him into the drama.  I’ve not seen this as such until now.  When life is causing chaos it is not different than when the disciples were scared to death in the storm on the Sea of Galilee.  They awoke Christ and He calmed the storm.  The presence of God always calms the troubled storms whether they are in one’s mind or physically present.  Seeing that God wants us to be His calming presence gives vigor to the walk when one is heading into a storm.  Today I will do this as God directs.  How I love my God and Savior.

I just reread what I had written on the 8th, my last entry.  The past couple of days I was unable to connect.  As I look back on these past days I see why it is important to disconnect from man and connect more fully with God the Creator.  We got back home last early evening.  I felt like I’d been in a time warp.  It is so good to be disconnected for a short time so one can see differently what has been weighing them down and the weight keeping one from seeing what God has wanted them to see.

I found myself at Yellowstone thinking just how magical the place is.  Man has all kinds of evolutionary ideas about the “below the earth” development of the place.  But only God knows what it is truly like below what we see.  Then, this morning while it was still dark and I was having my devotions, God said to look up.  As I did I instantly realized that this minute spot on earth is almost invisible to the immensity of the universe still waiting to be explored.  There is so much to what God has waiting for us if we will just look up.  The issues of man are and can be overwhelming at times.  Looking up to see that this God of Creation has not only created us, but has a mighty plan for each one of us as we are able to find Him.

The other thing that is truly BIG to me this morning is FREEDOM.  Yes, our country’s freedom is immense and so appreciated.  However, I am referencing the freedom which comes only from the GRACE OF GOD.  This recent awakening God has provided me regarding the absence of mom’s intimacy and its connection to my thinking about my value to God and man seems gone.  I’m sure there are times when I’ll have thoughts of this nature again, but I now have the ability to tell its source where He can go for I am not alone any longer.  The intimacy of my God and Savior is also now my Protector.  I not only can claim this, but I now believe it fully as true.  It is true for you too if you ever struggle as I have all my life.  Take whatever time you need to work this through with God and seek help if needed.  The outcome is nothing less than a Miracle of Grace awaiting for you.