Yesterday I blogged about the spiritual emphasis I’m experiencing presently on my journey of life.  Last night I awoke about 2:55 am filled with fear and despair.  These aren’t new feelings for me.  Typically I steel them away trying to discredit any reason for them.  I told God I was wanting to surrender them to Him but wasn’t sure if there was something from them I was to know?  There didn’t seem to be substance to them, just that sense of great fear–but about what??  I was eventually able to go back to sleep.

This morning as I’ve had my devotional time I asked God if he had something He wanted me to know from this experience?  He took me back to the training I went to in Albany, OR for the Mid-Valley Fellowship–the same man who came to our church almost two weeks ago for our Hope for Hurting People conference.  In his training he used a PowerPoint which emphasized entry points that evil spirits have in our mind.  When one has abuse in their past, there are gaps in our boundaries which allow temptations to come, false beliefs to be established, etc.  These are what he called doors for evil entry.  I had thought at the time this was a good demonstration for I know these entries well.  These entries are real for any man.  They are the holes in the boundaries we have or need to have.  As I was asking God this morning for clarity He pointed out that fear and despair are entry points for evil.  If we allow fear to dominate our life we don’t take steps into what the fear is caused from.  We tend to flee from it, isolate from it or simply stay frozen in place and not participate.  Boy do I know these responses well!

As I’ve been wanting to enter more fully into ministries of recovery I’ve been told to prepare for attacks.  This is exactly what last night was all about.  When I surrender the fear the Holy Spirit closes the door (or entry point) to the evil spirit.  If I don’t surrender it, the evil spirit will paralyze me as it has done so much of my life.  God was showing me how the same is true with temptations for pleasure that leads to sin hit.  If I surrender it (call or report my temptations to accountability) The Holy Spirit can close the door or opening for the evil spirit.

One more thing I was made aware of this morning was what happens once The Holy Spirit closes the door to evil.  If evil were to enter and plant the seed of whatever sin, it roots quickly and I (we) sin.  However, if we surrender and the entry is closed, the seeds God is planting are able to grow without the weeds of sin choking them out.  God showed me this morning how He has been planting these seeds.  This looks like our Celebrate Recovery ministry and all the lives which have been changed due to His seeds being planted in this fertile soil.  He said there is much more to plant if we (I) are/am willing to keep surrendering.  So, I am on the surrender track.  For so long I was scared and feared God’s purposes for me thinking my past would stop it in their tracks.  Now God is saying that my past is what He wants to use in this fertile ground.  Wow, He is SO AMAZING!