If you read yesterday’s blog you know already it was a big day for me as far as recovery steps go.  I left home and needed to drive 2.5 hours to get to the destination where I’m working through tomorrow.  It gave me ample time to talk with God and to process with dad so many things I needed to simply process and then let go of.  The crazy thing is that last night I had this rather intense dream which included dad.  He wasn’t this amazing man in it.  In fact, he was much like he was when he was alive–dominant, stubborn and well, just like he was in real life.  The thing that left me rather stumped was that I wasn’t submissive to him in the dream.  I spoke up to him and spoke just what I wanted to say.  He didn’t offend me and put me down either.  When I awoke to the dream, I just pondered this and am still doing so.  The other thing that’s hitting me is the fact I do not  ever remember dreaming about my dad until last night.  I don’t know if there is any significance to this, but it is what it is.

As I was having my devotions my bible reading had me reading in John.  Jesus was telling the man at the pool to believe and get up and walk.  This is in John 5: 1-9.  Joyce Meyers says she struggled many of her adult years with believing.  She was an achiever and she excelled in this arena.  God, however, wanted her believing.  This is exactly what I know God is wanting from me–believing.  I too have been an achiever all my life.  I had thought achieving gave value.  We all know this story.  Putting the substance to believing is still somewhat of a mystery to me.  I had a 2.5 hour meeting Sunday afternoon with 3 others about the new recovery ministries we wish to start.  I was wanting to get them going the first of the year.  However, everyone in the room felt I was pushing them.  I look at it today and see I was wanting to achieve.  I need to spend time believing God already is preparing the leaders and He is likewise preparing me to be leading His way rather than my way.

I’ve got much to learn about believing but today I am believing I can be a strong believer!  I’ve already started by writing in my journal that I am a believer who believes.  I’ve got to say this several times today so I can practice living it.  Join me if this is something God is nudging you to also do.