Last night was the step study group of men session. We are deep into the lessons which prepare one to do their inventory–tell all of their past which led them into the need for recovery. Most of them are ok with this, but one individual is wanting to drop out knowing what has to be done as his next step. He wants what he has done thus far to be enough. He talked a good deal with me after the session and we agreed to meet separately next week so he can go deeply into the whys of his fear. He is a young father and has much potential.

All of my life I “did” for Jesus all I could hoping that someday it would be enough so the bondage would be lifted–removed–forgotten. The scripture II Corinthians 4:7 says, “But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us.” One of my great awakenings of late has been letting myself be a fragile jar of clay. All of my life I had to be strong so I wouldn’t be weak like I thought my dad and my brother were–even my mom at times. I HAD to be strong so I wouldn’t be like this! Letting myself be a jar of clay? Why God?

The clarity of this came out for me last night as I heard this young man wanting to run so he wouldn’t have to admit that he’s weak. I kept seeing my old self as I listened to him. I knew it was time for me to do more than “know” I’m a jar of clay. I can now believe and appreciate the fact that The Holy Spirit within this jar (me) cannot be strong if I am trying to do this myself. I surrender and realize I WANT to be a jar of clay so all strength within me is The Holy Spirit!