The very first commandment tells us to have no other gods before me, Exodus 20:3 and Deuteronomy 5:7. I never thought this was the case for me until I realized that taking a look at porn was exactly looking at some other “god”. This present time of my journey has me realizing another truth which came out of today’s devotional. The topic was hitting on codependency. When I saw it I thought this will be an easy one because this is one character defect I rarely struggle with. Well, that was until I finished the devotional and heard The Holy Spirit’s voice in my head.
A simple definition of codependency is pleasing someone when you already know it goes against what you know is right but you want to keep the relationship with that person so you do it. As I was processing today’s message I heard God’s voice ask me about my desire to please “me” and keep me “happy”. Don’t I desire to please me more than I want to obey God’s voice when I battle with the temptation of porn? This is an unhealthy act of codependency with oneself. Here I was taking pride initially in not being codependent only to see and know this message is true for me. I’ve always given the root of this defect to my brother’s long term use of me and dad’s belittling verbal messages. Even though they are gone, I still have this temptation. So if I please it I’m only accommodating my own selfishness putting a god before God.
This is a sobering reality but a very important one for me. I thank God for never giving up on helping me grow more and more into His likeness and not the likeness of my selfish desires.
For several days now God has been revealing new truths to me for which I am most grateful. They have been unexpected one which I wasn’t even praying about, yet for some reason God is doing this.
Today, as I was journaling, I was lamenting that I have these character defects–sinful natures. I was connecting them, at least in my mind, to the sins of my dad and my brother and the lasting effects of them on me, even today. God in all of His Grace seemed to know it is time for this 72 year old man to see my sins as mine. I even wrote and have written, I didn’t want to be like dad or my brother. It was at this point that God’s Spirit spoke to me saying that my sinfulness is mine and dad’s sinfulness was his along with my brother’s being his. God doesn’t look at me and see dad or Rich, He sees me. He forgives my sins and sees me cleansed because of Jesus living in me. I no longer need to hang onto old thinking, God has given me His Holy Spirit to guide my thinking into new pathways–His pathways!
Today was another day for which God is providing new insights for me. The author of the 90 day experience I’m working through wrote about how God sees us. God made a new covenant with man through His Son Jesus. This covenant provided God’s Son Jesus to live within us along with the Gift of God’s Holy Spirit. Our part is to accept Jesus into our lives confessing our sin as is stated in I John 1:9. This is not the new insight. Today as I was reading all of this I was able to actually see myself as having Christ and The Holy Spirit within me. God see them in me as He looks at me. This is not a wish–it is the spiritual reality of accepting Christ into our lives. We are (I am) seen as a new creation! I saw today, myself, a new creation. WOW!
Helping others see ourselves this way is going to be added to the work of the counseling. This is far more than a truth to know, it is a reality to believe!
One of the unexpected things I’m gleaning from doing this 90 day journal/devotional book is personalizing the messages for me. Today’s message was one demonstrating just how much each one of us means to God. No matter what our sin/s is/are, He has already provided His Son Jesus for us to come to Him confessing these sins and letting Him embrace us with His Love.
I’ve rarely been able to simply receive this love personally. It is much easier to accept it globally including everyone else in the message/writing. It has always triggered my dad’s message to me if I try to accept this love personally. I hear, “Oh you selfish person, you just want to take all the glory and forget about all of us. Just go right ahead and forget we even exist!” I know this isn’t true and I know to reject it, but I’ve fought all my life to replace this wicked/evil message with God’s Truth. However, today I did personalize God’s love for just me. It doesn’t feel selfish, but it sure does feel humbling realizing how grateful I am for my Loving God who cares deeply for me.
Now that I’ve written this, I hope an reader who struggles believing God’s Love is just for you, will take the time today to say out loud that I know God loves me in spite of all I’ve done, thought or said. We just need to confess it and accept this Gracious Love which is abundantly rich in FORGIVENESS AND GRACE!
“I Give You All the Glory”. This is a song I was given yesterday after I’d contacted my friend committing to sobriety for the next 24 hours and thanking God for sobriety for the past 24 hours. This is all part of the 90-day devotional book I’m presently going through. It runs deep into each one of us that we want to conquer what is wrong from our own strength. If we can’t do it we want to find someone who can. Once I step away from this initial thinking I immediately know that I must turn it over to God who is ALL POWERFUL!
Over and over the emphasis on 24 hours is connected to breaking a habit of sinfulness. Our flesh wants so badly to be in control of self that I can hardly stay focused for the full 24 hours. I need reminders throughout the day. I know I am not alone in this either. Each one of us has this same issue to contend with. That is why we need each other as James 5:16 tells us.
If you are struggling, reach out. Reach out to God and to a friend The Holy Spirit will put on your mind. Both are here to support you and me. The outcome–FREEDOM like one has never known!
When I am working on a project such as this 90 day book I can get overly focused to the point where I quickly forget that I cannot do this on my own. It is only with God’s Strength from my surrendering this incessant desire to do this on my own, that I make it through the day. My flesh wants to be enough and too much of the time I am engulfed with the mind of my flesh. This is why starting my day aligning myself with God and then doing this again in the middle of the afternoon becomes intensely important.
I am reading about Solomon in my bible reading and about to wrap it up about him. He was such an amazing man, chosen by God to lead His people and given such wisdom that mankind still quotes his wisdom from scripture all the time. Yet, today’s reading tells that Solomon was led astray in his older years by his lust for foreign wives and beginning to serve their gods as well as his own God. As I read this I was sickened. No matter who we are or when we lived, the desires of the flesh have to be fought and surrendered. It would be nice if surrendering once and for all were possible, but that is not the case. Each and every day and during the day, this humbling surrender must take place.
I want God at the center of my life so whatever I need to do I will keep working on and surrendering. To God be the Glory!
I can certainly tell that the author of the 90-day book/journal has had his own battle overcoming his personal hurts, hang-ups and habits. His daily entries hit squarely in the face of daily struggles. Today’s message was one I have not heard any other place and yet it is very simple, but direct. His point for the day is to refresh your mind with the Power of The Holy Spirit mid day when the strength given early morning has waned.
I have learned to love early mornings. I love seeing the sunrise and hearing the birds singing and seeing nature. It inspires me each and everyday. Even in the dead of winter I can live in the hope that spring returns every year. I write this because by midafternoon I have lost this inspiration of the day. When I sit down I am quickly tempted. The book’s author says this is the time to refresh our minds with the Power of The Holy Spirit. This is what I’ve never found easy. I don’t know what to do to at this point. (I am confessing right now). I’ve done my Bible reading already as well as my devotionals. A good book might be a good option for I love reading.
When I was journaling first thing this morning I asked God to help me know how to find HIs Strength at this time of the day. Then, I read today’s entry in Freedom Starts Today. The message was a good start to God’s response.
It was as though I’m not to write an entry today. Kathy and I are in Wallowa County, OR for her grand nephew’s graduation and staying with her sis who lives in Joseph. I’m trying to use my laptop to write this entry and for some reason all of the entry points saved on my laptop would only let me view past entrys. I finally had to enter and create a new password so here we go.
There are a couple of striking things to me about walking with God by my side (as I wrote about yesterday) along with Jesus and The Holy Spirit within me. The first and comforting one is that I’m never alone. The second and more intimate one is that relying on God and following all of His Ways has blessings which never lead to anything but gradification and thanksgiving. If we take a moment to try and gradify ourselves any other way we may have a moment of gradificaction, but it is quickly followed by guilt and shame. Following God’s lead always has nothing but a blessing that makes one wonder why he ever wanted to do his own thing?
It seems I could daily write this blog just from the 90 day book/devotional I am going through. The messages are so directly hitting me right where I need to be hit! Last night I taught the lesson on GRACE for our Celebrate Recovery group. A major component of this message is that Grace is best understood when one knows well its Giver–Father God. Even the grace we receive from Jesus starts with our Father. I confessed in my lesson that growing into a loving relationship with God as my Father was not an easy thing to do. It was far easier to let this slip by and go to Jesus and The Holy Spirit. They were given to me to live within me so that I could do. Only in recent years have I been able to go deeply into what I have needed to do in order to have a loving relationship with God Himself.
Trusting a relationship with God requires me to separate my dad’s behaviors from God. I have hated going deeply into my own dad’s behaviors for within me I don’t want to process the ugliness of dad’s actions. When I did go there it fed right into the “why did God allow this”? I’ve indeed processed this and understand that Father God has never been my earthly father. It is finally time to simply let the old memories go and allow myself to settle into the Hands of my Heavenly Dad. Walking by His side throughout the day is a whole new concept, but I want this and I know He has been waiting for this to come. Everything Jesus and The Holy Spirit are is within Father God.
Today’s devotional message is one that awakened a truth in me I have never realized. Galatians 5:16 says, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” I have known this verse for years. Yet, the clarity of the verse’s message hadn’t hit me until today. I have always interpreted this verse’s meaning as to walk with the Spirit within me. Some translations even say to walk in the Spirit. However, today as I read this scripture I, for the first time, pictured God walking right along side of me through the day.
The devotional message today was attempting to emphasize the point that when children are out with their parents, they need to stay close to them for cars can’t see little ones in their mirror but parents can be seen due to their height and size. Thus, staying close to the parents, they are safe. You are free from danger. I have always wondered why God’s Spirit seemed to disappear within me when I’m hit with severe temptations like porn. It seemed I’m always left to face this one on my own. Today’s message let me see God right by my side. I can simply look up to Him and say–“this one is yours Dad” for I know you are right here.
I’ve always struggled with my relationship with God. (I know this has been driven by my distant relationship with my own father). It is so much easier to stay with my relationship with Jesus and trusting God’s Holy Spirit within me. They were given to me because I accepted Christ into my life. Today’s message allowed me to see God as intimately close to me as Jesus and The Holy Spirit are. Later in this same chapter of Galatians Paul outlines the Fruit of the Spirit. I can have all of these when I rely on the Spirit within me and God along side of me. What a humbling and gracious picture of love and support!
Earnie Lewis 