Last night at Celebrate Recovery a gentleman in our share group made a statement which I cannot let go, nor should I. He, like myself, had a childhood of sexual abuse partly from an older brother. He stated in our group that a therapist had helped him understand that childhood sexual abuse disallows the abused to develop natural boundaries while their brain and emotional base are developing. He shared how this had been true for him and why he struggles today.

As I was hearing this I was brought back to my own story. I have been told by all three of the counselors I’ve had in life that my struggles will likely be with me throughout my life. The “water runs deeply into the roots of who I am”. As I’ve pondered this I can easily see why fear became my solid boundary. However, so much in life that shouldn’t be feared was for me. As I began to date in college I FEARED being touched or having anyone sitting right next to me. I FEARED the thoughts I had thinking I’d be judged and kicked out of everything I wanted for my life ahead. FEAR did drive much of my decision making.

I look at all of this now and smile. I still have the moments of fear but they are, in most cases, quickly replaced with the calm knowing this is my past, it is not me today. Fear owned me not so long ago. This is no longer true. God is amazing in how He patiently grows us as we keep ourselves focused on Him.