Yesterday turned out to be an odd and confusing day. I was looking forward to a counseling session in the afternoon. The ones involved had made great strides. I was wanting to hear and see how the past week had been. 20 minutes into the session’s time no one had arrived so I text to find out they weren’t coming. No excuse and a short statement that they would likely not be returning. A thanks was included for all of the help. Later in the afternoon (early evening) there was to be a meeting. I arrived to find the room empty, door locked (I had a key so I went in to find nothing was set up for a meeting). I text the leader to find the meeting had been cancelled. These two items left me wondering what I’d done that I didn’t know I’d done?

As I awoke quite early this morning I arose and began my devotions. In so doing I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know for today while I journaled. His response was just what I needed to hear. He reminded me that He is the God of clarity. When He speaks/nudges I know what I’m to do. Satan, on the other hand, is the author of confusion/deception. Everything about the two items of yesterday left me with nothing but confusion. I should simply leave them alone. I can thank God the couple has come a long ways and that I had time at home last night I didn’t expect to have.

The other thing that was very clear in this morning’s devotional message was Jesus is KING of kings. When we have Jesus in our lives as we do it doesn’t make us KING. Christ within us gives us the opportunity to embody His characteristics. Worry is not one of Christ’s characteristics. Trust, on the other hand, is what Christ modeled for us and He wants me modeling this same characteristic for Him. So, my assignment is clear!

It seems I didn’t post yesterday. There was a good deal I had on my mind as I began the day. I was making notes to myself so I’d not forget what I was to get done. Well, I didn’t have a note to write my daily entry so I guess that was overlooked–sorry!

One of the big items on my mind yesterday morning was talking to someone I wanted to make amends with. I hadn’t intended to hurt them in any way so I made contact and apologized. It went very well. (Maybe that’s the reason I forgot about yesterday’s entry).

God has certainly been working on me to believe He has given me a new heart–a heart of flesh as He promises in Ezekiel 36:25-28. In addition to this, He is wanting me to live in the freedom of this promise. It is no longer a promise for me, it is an act that He has already performed. It was done in my spirit and I was looking for this change in my flesh. My spirit and flesh are much better joined together when I not only believe the truth given to me, but I live and act daily in the truth of it.

How I love what God is doing in my life! Walking in real freedom and learning to trust Him completely as I do so, is one of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned!

Have you ever considered yourself a warrior? All of my life I’ve sung songs about being a soldier in the Lord’s army and about being a warrior fighting for the cause of Christ. That’s easy to say and sing, but believing it is an entirely different story.

I am not a fighter from the physical meaning of fighting. I grew up hating a fight and I still do. When my dad would have boxing on TV I’d have to leave the room. I couldn’t stand seeing someone hurting the other person. I’d do all I could to break up fights instead of joining in one. I am a fighter with words, but never with my hands or fists. Thus, being a warrior has always related back to physical fighting. This has been true until this past week.

I’ve written about my inability to find the Power of God to fight my temptations. I’d almost always end up trying to power through them with gritted teeth. Talking to my son-in-law last Wednesday, for some reason, (I know it’s truly about where I now am in my journey) has allowed me to understand that Christ’s taking my sins to the Cross didn’t restrict Satan from his attacks. I can fight and need to fight (be a warrior for me) by telling Satan I’m a victor in Christ and he has been defeated by Christ. With that, I contact my sponsor so I get the temptation spoken and out of me. This is how I fight and from this day forward I will do just this! God has been lovingly and patiently waiting for me to let Him embrace me–be intimate with me. I think I’m beginning to understand this and so wanting to receive it!

Today is my second grandson’s birthday. He is a very special kid to me for multiple reasons. He is 20 years old today. He has a kind and gentle spirit for which everyone sees and loves.

I mentioned the counseling session I had yesterday in the blog I wrote yesterday morning. That session was confronting a father and mother by their daughter who has been coming for help the past 3+ months. She was sexually abused as a child by her father for a couple of years. She is now 41 years old and needing to deal with it. I had a picture in my mind of what needed to take place in the session, but turning it over to God for His picture to take place was amazing. The father and mother accepted their abuse and neglect and God’s Light was shed into this lady’s darkness abundantly. It was the surgery that needed to take place and now, healing can begin for a daughter and her husband, a father who has carried a load of guilt for years and a mother who knew but kept her despair hidden from daughter and husband. Our God is AMAZING!

Lastly, I need to come back to God’s work within me I’ve written about these past few days. I’ve needed to talk with someone about this issue that has been haunting me. It is the issue that I will likely need to carry the temptations of porn the rest of my life for they run deeply into my soul. Well, God is bringing forth within me a desire to fight for me–Earnie. I can be a warrior for myself just as genuinely as I can be for others. Not only can I do this, but I need to do this. This is putting God’s Word to practice when He tells us to love thy neighbor as thyself. This is a great awakening for me!

As I’ve started today I needed to clear my head regarding a counseling session I’ll have later this morning. So, I went through the materials ahead of getting into my devotions. I wanted to not have a disrupted devotional time with my mind flitting to the session. Thus, I’m later getting to my blog too.

What I wrote yesterday regarding the scripture in Ezekiel that tells me God will give me a new heart and will cleanse me, has always left me with hope, but with little belief. I’ve wanted my mind to be free of porn temptation which always tied to what I’d been told by two different counselors–“You may never be free of this and even submitting to it at times due to the depth of sexual sin done to you so early in your life.” Satan has used this lie for all of my years limiting my belief that I can be fully cleansed.

Having the talk with my son-in-law last Wednesday morning created a yearning within me for God to make this cleansing true for me. What has happened in the last two days is amazing! It has made me realize that my pride has stood in my way not wanting to admit the truth of my addiction even though I do talk often about it. I still fight my pride all the time. In addition to this, I hate admitting that a “leader” struggles like this. A deeper root was brought to light this morning. My 90-day devotional addressed the writer’s struggle with his addiction when he was in the depth of coming out of it. One night his own father came and laid in bed beside him during the night to keep him from slipping once again. His father’s love was received and deeply appreciated. When I read this, this time, I wept. I’ve begun to realize just how much my heavenly Father loves me and has been waiting for me to receive this love from Him with open arms. He has been right beside me all of the time. He also wants me to step out in His Love and fight the good fight that His Son Jesus has already won. I fight by declaring myself cleansed and believing it to be true. Today I stand in this truth and remind any temptation that I AM a child of the KING!

The flight home was as smooth as silk. It was just what one always hopes it will be. As my morning began I was eager to get to all of the catch-up things I needed done early so I could get the lawn mowed ahead of my 3:00 pm counseling appointment. In so doing, I forgot all about writing this blog. My wife was headed to Oregon to attend a college reunion and as she pulled out a few minutes ago she said my blog hadn’t post. That suddenly reminded me I had never written it.

Sometimes God needs to use a son-in-law to help one see what he wasn’t able to on his own (or he didn’t want to see it). This happened for me while I was in Oklahoma. I have struggled with porn every since I stumbled into it in my late 40’s. I’ve written about this struggle many times. As my son-in-law talked with me about this on our recent trip I was able to tell him this. In Ezekiel 36:25-28, it says God will give you a new heart, a heart of flesh. He goes on to tell you that the sins will be washed away and one will be made clean. I told my son-in-law that I had always wanted this promise to mean I’d never struggle with porn again. However, that hadn’t been true. He’s a Ph.D. psychologist and a sound christian. He listened well and I deeply appreciated his thoughtfulness.

God is always helping us take a step we never think is possible. Isn’t God good!

Today ends our time in Oklahoma. I do love our time here each year. Our kids have a wonderful home and church family that we sense a genuine closeness with. I always love seeing how God is working no matter where we are.

I’m a little late getting this written today. We ended our time with our high school grandson by getting donuts at a local shop on his way to school. He is a jewel and I love seeing how he is growing in his walk with Jesus.

As we head home I am bombarded with “what’s next”. There are the things I know need to take place and then the ones that should take place. I try to shield them from my mind until I get home. I ruin my remaining time here if I dwell on them at this point. This is one of those areas of trusting God that I always have to give over to Him. It has never not worked out and this time is no different.

Serving God one day at a time and trusting Him completely within the day is something I’ll be doing the rest of my earthly life. Somedays are not as easy as others, but I don’t want this commitment to ever change.

It is amazing to see what happens to us humans when some tough news is given to us. Yesterday I had a phone call with news about someone I love who is struggling. In the struggles they are making some rough choices. The person who called me needs some physical help and a good deal of prayerful help. I’m glad to offer both and I’ll start Thursday when we get back home with the physical help.

This need for help consumed a good deal of my thought and emotional energy yesterday which carried into the night. I awoke in the middle of the night finding not only this loved one being on my mind, but with it was two more loved ones who are also needing much love and prayer for their own current decisions/actions. God and I spent a good deal of time together concerning these three before sleep reentered my night.

As I was having my devotions I read about offering band-aids rather than band-shame. Too often when one has stepped into sinfulness and they come for help, they receive a scolding when they have come for genuine help. They know their actions/hurts and they need help. I want to offer genuine help rather than offering shame. All of this brought me to the point of God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. God has His entire creation on His mind. Three names kept me awake much of the night while He has a universe. I know to give these three to Him and praise Him for what He will do to bring them to Him. They all have Jesus and The Holy Spirit within them. I also know God wants my support to look like real love from Him. This I want to do well.

The temperature has dropped 30 degrees since we arrived last Wednesday. It is a beautiful morning as I sit on their covered deck and listen to the rain and watch the sunlight slowly come into the day. Often there is wind accompanying a day like this, but today everything about the world is still and peaceful. It is one of those times when you don’t want to move thinking anything might interrupt this stillness.

My daughter’s sermon was such a blessed message from her heart yesterday. The big surprise for me is that she started it with a song I’d not heard her sing–a prayer. She has a beautiful voice and it gave her message from God just the right focus for God’s Holy Spirit to have His Way with each of us in the congregation.

Our time will come to an end in a couple of day but I cherish these moments in time! Thank You Jesus!

Today is Sunday and I get to listen to my own daughter give the sermon at church. This is a rare moment to get to experience this live. She is a children’s pastor so doesn’t often preach from the pulpit. When she does, her husband always sends us the link so we can listen to it. Today is special and I’m most appreciative of the opportunity.

I’ve said it before, but coming here to Oklahoma once a year is a very refreshing time for me. I can clear my head of all that is going on at home and come back with a fresh spirit. Our kids’ church is also a support for this. It is very spirit filled and I love worshipping with them.

God is so GOOD!