Yesterday I wrote about the sermon series Breakthrough which our pastor began last Sunday. I then added my own dilemma I was addressing personally. This morning I have had some Light shine through for me. Before I had begun my recovery process 16 years ago I was wanting to have a relationship with the Trinity–Three in One. I thought if I were to journal to each one of them for a year I would then have the intimate relationship with them. So, I did this. I journaled for a year to Jesus, then God, and then The Holy Spirit. I felt very defeated when this time was done. I felt even more empty than I had before I had done this. My real dilemma–I didn’t know INTIMACY. In truth, that word scared me to death! Someone would have to know me, touch me, be close to me and I just couldn’t let that happen. I was too flawed. This is the fear I was addressing yesterday in my blog message.

In the book of John, chapters 15-17, Jesus is preparing the disciples for His work on the Cross. In so doing He promises them The Holy Spirit and a relationship with God the Father like they’d not know before. They were to go to the Father in Christ’s Name and ask of Him. These disciples had spent 3 years living with Jesus and now Jesus was offering them the rest of the Trinity. Jesus had been intimate with them and as best they could, they had been intimate with Him. They needed now to be intimate with themselves knowing their deficits as well as their gifts, surrendering it all so Jesus could fulfill His purpose in them. This He would do as they better understood the fulfillment of the Trinity in themselves.

God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit–THE TRINITY wants to do this for you and me today. Intimacy knows what we know and then TRUSTS what we don’t know. We then can believe and put into action what we are nudged to do. Satan wants us to fear all that we don’t know and run from it. I want the rest of my life to be known as trusting in the TRINITY, believing in all the Bible says, and then acting on all that I’m nudged to do.

There is a lot on my mind this morning and none of which I want to put in a blog. I’m unsure what I should be writing today. Our pastor’s sermon yesterday was the start of a new series called Breakthrough. The emphasis is calling upon our Lord Jesus for the breakthrough need/s we are currently facing in our lives. It is a powerful and igniting series.

There are things in my life I don’t like to talk about. This has been the case for me every since I was a youth and began to realize how dysfunctional my life was. I didn’t want others to think I grew up in this type of environment so I kept it a secret. Yes, I’ve written my autobiography and I tell my story as needed when I’m counseling someone who seems stuck. Anyone has access to my life story. Yet, anytime something comes up for me which troubles me I don’t want to talk about it for fear it will label me. I’ve talked to a couple of my friends more recently about this. They’ve told me they are no different. They don’t have my past, but they do have the same fear of life labeling them if they share something that would be out of the ordinary (at least in their own mind).

As I was journaling about this with Jesus He reminded me of what Paul wrote in I Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man, and God is faithful….” All of this makes me realize that even though fear first surfaces as a consequence of flesh, I may experience this, but I want to respond to it in TRUST as the scripture states: GOD IS FAITHFUL!

No one has any clue how dependent we become to our phones until it dies on you. For whatever reason, last night I couldn’t get my phone to take a charge. I have three different cords and none would work. The phone was working all day, but??? I will check it out after church and see what the problem is.

My scripture reading for today is Judas betraying Christ. This is the ultimate betrayal. Knowing Christ knew He was being betrayed didn’t stop Judas. He did it anyway. Of course, only a few hours later, Peter joined in his own betrayal. All of a sudden, even after spending about three years under Christ’s mentoring and experiencing His miracles, they still didn’t know this Savior and Lord.

Today, we know so much more about Jesus Christ. We have freedom to worship Him, pray freely and openly, tell others about Him. Yet, how many times have I not followed through when I knew I was being nudged by The Holy Spirit to take a step for Jesus? There is no threat for us to obey Christ in our country. Why do I question when there is no doubt in my mind that Christ is Who He says He is?

The sinfulness/selfishness/pride of flesh is always with us while here on earth. I do long to be free of flesh and the battle it brings. Yet, I commit to live for Christ this very day. Tomorrow I will make the same commitment! For to me to live is CHRIST! My flesh may surface, but my commitment hold.

Today I was to have a couple of counseling appointments (one being a small group). Both got cancelled which leaves the day fully open. My youngest granddaughter, who is 6–in first grade, has a basketball game this morning so with the cancellations I can go to it. They are so cute! Last week she made a basket. When she did she stopped and turned to us and just smiled big.

Sometimes it is as though God knows we need a break from the routines of life. Even though we prepare for them, He knows when they need to happen and when we need a day of change. He is a GREAT FATHER!

I couldn’t sleep last night as I awoke in the middle of it. Different ones in much distress were on my mind. As I spent time giving them over to the Lord and asking God to prompt me in ways I should support them, I was then able to sleep. As I began my bible reading it was centered on Jesus’ words to the disciples regarding the last days. It seems quite obvious that we are entering the last days, but it also appears we are in the beginning of them. I am no prophet, but I don’t want to be negligent in obeying God’s leadership in my life. Staying awake and staying focused on what He nudges me to do is my goal. The fact that we are in the days we are doesn’t mean I should change my focus unless I’m out of focus. God is faithful and will alert me if that is so. This is true for each one of us.

One of those on my mind during the night is very concerned about these last days. He is having a good deal of hardship in his life at the present time. I sure know those times for when I was his age and going through similar circumstances I felt exactly as he does today. I can look back and name those I knew were praying for me and holding me up, giving me support spiritually, emotionally and physically. God nudged them I’m sure and He nudges me today for others. I want to be faithful to these nudges. Last days or not, obedience to God is my calling and our calling.

I wrote yesterday about the memorizing I needed to do. The most urgent were for a song tonight and the scripture memorization for Saturday. Before the day was over both of these changed. I found out that the band wasn’t able to learn the song in their short amount of time so we will sing it with a digital accompaniment with voices making my part much easier. Three of the four men in our Saturday group are called into their work that day and they wondered if we could wait a week? So, all that took place and my frustrations turned into a huge sigh of relief!

As I was journaling this morning and thanking God for His thoughtfulness, He reminded me that trusting is far more important than worry. I confessed this to my accountability person and he reminded me that when worry hits as it did yesterday it’s a good reminder to pray. Yesterday I vented my frustration in my post. Today I have been given a good reminder of a lesson that needs to grow deeper roots–Worry is a reminder to PRAY and TRUST. So, the journey continues and so does my need to learn!

When I was a boy growing up I enjoyed the challenge of memorizing. There were lots of scriptures, songs, books of the Bible, quotes along with Gettysburg Address, and so on. At that point in time I thought I was good at it too. I don’t know what changed or when it changed, but today I will do all I can to not have to memorize. It is a lot of work that I don’t enjoy!

I have written a few times about the men I meet with on Saturday mornings. We are presently in a curriculum which requires a new scripture being memorized for each session. Along with this I’m needing to memorize a solo for a choir number in a couple of weeks, that is added to a new song we are singing tomorrow night for Celebrate Recovery which needs to be learned. This is all along side the Christmas production our choir is doing and it has a multitude of memorizing both songs and lines for the part I play. If it sounds like I’m gripping, well, I guess I am! All of these ministries are good and I love being part of them until these things come about.

This morning I have time to commit to learning what I need to so I’ll quit my complaining and start. Sometimes the journey isn’t as “fun” as other times, but it is all worthwhile when it is put into the Hands of God. I’m doing that right now!

When I was growing up in the church I remember being told numerous times that if you asked Jesus into your heart you would go to heaven. If you wanted to be sold out to Jesus you would need to be sanctified. If you were you wouldn’t be tempted to sin anymore. If you did sin then you weren’t actually sanctified. I lived with this confusion for quite some years.

I am no scholar in this theological field, but I do have years of experience living out the christian life. There is no place in the bible where I’ve found any promise that one can become sinless this side of death. I’m pretty certain that man added this in hopes it could be true. Instead of this, what I’ve found to be very true is that each day I can commit to living for Jesus. The truth of man’s humanness is that we can only be present in the day we are in. So, the freedom God promises us is found in the present day. God told Moses to call Him I AM. I’ve written about this numerous times, but the reality of it takes a while to truly sink in for me. I lived a long time wanting to be done with sin once and for all. Taking this one day at a time is so much more freeing. This we all can do with the help of one another. We just need to follow what God’s Word tells us in James 5:16. Reaching out to one another is an assurance of support and freedom. This I can also commit to and I want to. And this–this is found in God’s Word.

Living for Jesus one day at a time seems very doable. Well, that is until one actually says they will commit to it. I find myself making this commitment in my early morning time and it isn’t long into the morning that I’ve completely forgotten this was made. I was pondering this earlier thinking that when I was younger I was better at this. Well, truth be known, when I was younger I was better at compartmentalizing what I did with my day. I believe it simply ties to me being of the flesh. I will never be perfect at anything I do for Jesus because I’m not perfect. All this being written, what I do know is that if I focus each morning on living for Jesus fully in the day I can grow deeper roots in this arena rather than believing lies that this is so impossible I should just give up on it.

Living for Jesus and keeping Him in the forefront of my day is something I will strive to do for the rest of my life. There is nothing more gratifying than this for Jesus says He sees my heart.

As I was journaling this morning I was brought to a truth that I just had never thought about before. Being raised in a home where physical and verbal abuse were not only present, but used throughout your time at home, I developed into a mindset that made me fearful to express anything I thought God’s Spirit might be saying to me let alone anything I might think. Along with that I feared any voice in my head for mostly the voices I heard were that of condemnation/ridicule or shame. God’s Voice, over the last several years, has become something I treasure and am learning to trust. So, as I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for today, His message was that He is the Great I AM and He is never embarrassed/ashamed/intimidated to proclaim this. Because of that He didn’t want me to be intimidated to do the same about Him in any part of my day.

I was never told when I was a child that confidence was equivalent to arrogance, but I developed that belief as a truth. I could never present myself as confident even when I was away from home as an adult. If I did feel confident, I kept it to myself so I wouldn’t appear arrogant. This morning’s message from Jesus opened my eyes to the huge difference between these two categories. Christ was always confident in what He did while on earth. His Spirit within me wants me to do confident to do what He nudges. Trusting God’s Spirit and acting on it can be confidently done without ever looking like arrogance. Separating these voices/messages in my head is a gift from God I can treasure!