Even though I wrote yesterday about my need to praise God in the midst of crisis, it wasn’t until today that I could actually give God praise. I know that God uses all things to His honor and glory as we give them to Him. Yet, in the midst of “all things” giving praise to God doesn’t even enter my mind. All I can see is my need to not enter into the crisis unless I’m nudged to do so and surrender the crisis to God and keep doing this until I’m released from its bondage on me.

The day did end and sleep came quickly as I went to bed. Today I do thank God and praise Him. One of the counseling sessions yesterday had me listening to some very ugly things about someone I have cared deeply for. Forgiveness was on the top of my thinking, but the person talking wasn’t ready to hear that word until they had finished unloading. It was one of those God moments when this person was able to say they forgive.

When God forgives our sin as we confess, He no longer sees the sin for He than sees Christ in us. For God, that sin is cast away never to be seen again. Man, on the other hand, doesn’t so quickly forget. When we forgive something our memory seems to be in tact. We rarely see Christ in the person needing forgiveness. We forgive out of obedience. However, if we will continue to allow God to work in us, that act of obedience will let the sting of the memory/act eventually fade and we can learn to not trust man the way we trust God. Trusting God is the right thing to always do. Trusting man, knowing his flesh is still alive, is the wise thing to do.

Today in my scripture reading, John 6, Mark 7, and Matthew 15 (I’m reading a chronological bible presently) I find where many of Jesus’ followers left him. It was too tough they thought. Their words were, “these are hard lessons”. When Jesus brought this to his own chosen disciples Peter said, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

It is so easy to follow Jesus and give Him praise when all around us is going well. On the other hand, it seems next to impossible to give praise to Jesus when the world seems to be crashing in on you. Yet, I know this is the most important time to praise Jesus. It demonstrates our confidence in Him, our TRUST.

There are those receiving counsel who are reaching out right now because their world is falling apart. Using this time to help them see their importance in relying on God is critical. I want them to find a trust in God they’ve not known before. At the same time I want to praise God for what He is doing in these circumstances which I cannot see nor do I need to see. I need to PRAISE AND TRUST! I bank on Peter’s words to Christ, “I have come to believe and know that YOU are the Christ, the Son of the Living GOD!”

This coming Thursday I will be teaching the Celebrate Recovery lesson #2. It is POWERLESS. Lesson 1 is DENIAL. Once we step out of denial we must realize we are powerless to change on our own. We need God’s strength and protection as well as man’s accountability. Another reality for me has been that no matter how long I’ve been awake to my struggles, I will never in my flesh be anything but powerless. I cannot change my ugly behaviors with my own strength. The ugly me will show forth at some point.

I have this fantasy world I can live (in my head) that doesn’t have any sinfulness in it. I think my childhood build this alternate world and I’ve gone to it whenever there is crisis in life. Because of this, I’ve always wanted the “new creation” I now am to be the fantasy world I knew only in my head. It would be sinless and one would be all powerful. The problem is that the earthly new creation doesn’t place heaven’s quality of sinlessness in our lives at this point. Wishing it did has never helped either.

Being a new creation, living in the freedom of being a new creation, doesn’t take away sin’s temptations. I do have a choice however to seek out my accountability and turn to God and His Powerful help by confessing to Him and my accountability that I am under attack. This is staying in reality and not shifting into a fantasy which never works in our world of flesh. God’s Way is the right and BEST WAY!

Today my wife and I celebrate our 41st anniversary. It is amazing to me how huge the gift of Kathy has been. Everything I had kept a secret has been shared with her and yet she stayed simply saying I needed help when I thought my story would run any good person away. Through our years God has used our marriage to grow one another and to use our story for others who had their own struggles in hiding. Our daughters tell Kathy that she is the one who taught them how to be a Godly mom. She has likewise shown me what a Godly wife is like. How fortunate can a man be?!

Today my mind is filled with grief as this war in Israel has hit. It instantly reminds me of the immensity of God our Father. Each day I personalize God’s work to the individual level. But, God is also the God of the universe and His very chosen people are under attack for being His chosen kids. I pray for them and ask you to join me in this.

Yesterday’s message about growing the root of believing God’s Word is true for you and me is taking hold. I do know this and believe this. I thank God’s Holy Spirit for this along with God my Father and Jesus my Savior and Lord. Today’s message takes this belief into the garden where the roots grow. It is the garden of my soul. This is where Jesus planted the seeds of belief. In this garden He also annihilated the weeds disbelief. My role in this is to not allow seeds to reenter my soul garden by opening the door of temptation. Instead of this, I step into worship of Jesus with thanksgiving in my heart. His Work is AMAZING and I’m so grateful I can do this “one day at a time, one moment at a time”!

God is wanting me to let a root grow deeply into my belief and understanding. This root is the root of believing that all of His scripture is not only living truth, but it is living truth for me just as it is for each one of us. As I’ve been going through this 90 day experience for the 2nd time I’ve found myself going much deeper into each day’s message for growth in trusting God. This has been true until yesterday and I found my prayer 90 days ago to be just what yesterday’s prayer needed to be. I was stuck with my fleshly pride needing to be seen for what it is–selfish.

A line in today’s devotional was to not use our “idle time for idol time”. That line hit home. To use idle time as worship time to refocus me on Christ’s goodness and The Holy Spirit’s presence is this new root of believing. I don’t know why it has taken so long for me to see this, but I’m especially grateful that today I do see it. This is the “way of escape” God has wanted me to see in His Word in I Corinthians 10:13 that I wrote about yesterday. I can confess a temptation to my trusted friend and turn this time into worship time! This is the way of escape warding off the enemy–Satan himself.

I’ve written before (and I am doing it again today) that what we are told may or may not be accurate if the message is only coming from man’s wisdom alone. Two different counselors at two different times told me that I would likely have to struggle with the temptations of porn and all its ugliness the rest of my life. I referenced it, in my mind, to a thorn in the flesh as Paul’s writing mentions his own thorn.

As I began my journaling today I wrote to Jesus about this struggle. It has haunted me endlessly over my lifetime (and for good reason I understand). When I was in high school I read I Corinthians 10:13 for the first time. “…No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. …I will provide a way of escape for you….” The sexual abuse was still happening at this time of my life. I wanted to believe this verse but it just didn’t seem true then. My hope was that someday God would make it true for me. Well, the sexual abuse came to an end, but the ugly temptations never did. Thus, my reason for writing what I did to Jesus in my journal earlier.

As I read my 90 day devotional, its message was centered around the promise in I Corinthians 10:13. When I read it this second time I realized that God has provided my way of escape. I just don’t like to act on it. My way of escape is to confess the temptation as it hits, not after one has acted on it. My only obstacle is my pride. I hate admitting that I even have such ugly things run through my head. I want to be better than that. But, I’m of the flesh too and this proves it! So, I confess to my trusted accountability that my the temptation comes. In confessing I have found my “way of escape”. I will not act on a confessed temptation. This commitment I can make daily as God’s Strength is with me in my today.

I wrote yesterday about this new book and the struggle I began to experience as I was reading it. Well, that struggle did not improve as I continued to attempt reading it yesterday. What I didn’t do yesterday that I had done on Monday was let my sponsor know of the struggle. So, guess what my devotional message for today was in the 90-day devotional book I’m using? “Confess to the one you trust” when times of struggle/temptation hit. The confession brings the temptation/tempter into the Light of God where it must flee. The trusted one will also be praying for you. I’ve already confessed this morning of yesterday’s struggle. I know this book is very relevant or I would not be attacked the way this has hit. Thus, I’m going to persevere with the help of God Almighty!

The author of this book speaks to the need for a counselor to use common sense when counseling. This looks like taking what one has learned and specifically adapting it for the client’s need/s. She says that too often we simply do what the technique says to do and wonder why it wasn’t effective. She eludes to the need for the counselor to listen to the Holy Spirit’s nudges (definition for common sense) to adjust any tool to the client and to also only use the tool/s which the Holy Spirit inspires within you.

I can sure see this and I need/want to learn what this author has written. It may be a test for me to read through it, but I now know it is the right test for God is using it to better anchor me.

Growing as I realize I’m a new creation is truly a huge awakening for me. Yesterday I got a book in the mail I had ordered last week. During a meeting I had with the other counselors, I asked the two who are retired, licensed counselors, what could I get to help me understand trauma counseling better. I know what was used with me, but how do I apply therapy techniques appropriately and know which one/s to use? It was suggested I start with this book that arrived. My surprise in beginning to read it was how it impacted me.

As I began to read about the therapeutic techniques, my mind quickly went to the sessions where these were being used with me. In so doing I found myself becoming filled with all the old creation fears and temptations to escape them. I was stunned to find this taking place. I had to quit reading for a moment. In stepping away I recalled what my own counselor had told me when I first sponsored a man years ago who had a similar background of abuse as my own. I could hardly stand hearing it. As I got home I broke into sobs reliving this. I was in counseling myself at this time. I asked my counselor what I needed to do to prevent this from reoccurring and she asked me how I’d prepared for it? I said I’d thought getting help myself prepared me. Then she informed me of how she prepared herself each week for our own appointments. She said it was very hard on her to hear the ugliness of my own past and she needed God’s help to hear it and respond to it therapeutically.

Today as I read more of this new book I will be praying as my counselor taught me. The other big awakening for me is that I no longer am reading and learning as an old creation. I may get thrown back into this world for a moment but I don’t need to stay there any longer. I am a new creation who is learning how to live it out one day at a time! Thank You my Father God!

There are several things I’d like to write about at this moment, but the overriding one is this new creation learning. The idea that we know something is the start. Taking the knowing to believing is the huge next step. Then, the even bigger step is believing it is true just for yourself (me). Lastly, trusting that what I know and now believe, will happen–take place. Of course, when this starts I then see my need to “wait on the Lord”. The first thing my flesh wants to have happen is immediate results from the steps previously taken. However, God is never done teaching me steps of trust. Even writing this right now I find myself letting out a big sigh of relief. The first step of trust in this case for me is patience.

When we are told in scripture to “wait upon the Lord and He will renew our strength…”(Isaiah 40:31), we will never have our strength renewed if our waiting is done in impatience. Trusting God has been for me one of the most rewarding endeavors I’ve ever taken. It has been a slow process to completely trust Him and I’m sure I have miles to go in this arena. But, the farther I go, the more I want to go. Learning how to TRUST in every area of my life and then wait on the Lord is amazingly peaceful when it is accomplished. It truly is that “peace that passeth all understanding”(Philippians 4:7).

Living as a new creation and not falling back into the fears of my old creation will take the rest of my life. I am so glad to be on this side of the knowing and then believing and now trusting that it is genuinely true for me!