God is so Amazing and so Good! I have a dear friend who has been seemingly losing her battle to breast cancer. As I was journaling this morning I was telling Jesus how I felt about this battle losing ground. This lady is a wonderful warrior for Him so why was He allowing her to continue to decline? Well, when I asked Him what He wanted me to know for today, He simply reminded me that life goes on, but each life comes to an end. I had to process that a moment, but when I did I could easily see His meaning.

At the top of my prayer list I have written, “Eyes on Christ alone”. My journaling this morning was expressing what my eyes on this friend wanted said. Christ was wanting me to move my eyes from her to Him. As I did this I could see the impact this friend has had on so many lives. My selfish request was far more about me wanting her to continue to be a vibrant part of my life now.

God sees all of His creation and as best as possible, He wants me (each of us) to see His bigger picture about “life” verses each individual life. He has paved a way for each of us to come to Him for eternity. He wants each of us to stay focused on those He’s placed in our lives who still need to see Him as their Savior and Lord. We can only do this when our eyes are kept on Christ alone.

I awoke this morning with that drive to get up so this day can begin. As I got my coffee and started my journaling I realized there is nothing on the calendar for today. I’m not taking Kathy to church for one more week. We will simply be home all day. It seems so odd to write this, but I love the fact we can simply be home.

A funny little moment yesterday was when I was driving Kathy to the party. She said her therapy sessions were an hour long so there would be no reason she couldn’t be at the party for an hour or so. I thought, wow, the original Kathy is returning! It’s amazing how the things that use to torment me now amuse me. Kathy and I are both quite strong-willed and when the wills differ we usually get quiet after we begin to argue about it. Well, yesterday, rather than argue, I agreed. Participating in the party would be as educational as a therapy session. So, away we went!

Kathy is returning to the person God created originally!

God is so AMAZING! How often I think this and how often I write it here. I have to remind myself that I don’t need to prove myself to HIm in order to be loved by Him. He sees me through the lens of His One and only Son–Jesus. It is amazing to me that He does this. I take a look at each of my grandkids and picture them in my mind. When I do this I don’t see their humanness–flaws; I see their exuberance and love for life. I know they have their individual struggles, but the love I have for them is never tainted by an flaw they may have. This is only a tiny example of God’s love for you and me. How incredible He is!

There are 5 Christmas parties Kathy and I are invited to attend. The first one is this afternoon and then the other four are all in next week. I have talked with each host/ess regarding the limitations of time for us but I’ve never walked out on a party after 30 minutes. I feel as though I’m robbing Kathy of her times of joy. She loves Christmas parties and all of the food, games and festivities involved with them. I keep picturing myself quietly reminding her it is time for us to leave. We need to do this while she is still feeling good about being present. It’s good to be stimulated, but overstimulation is damaging so we must leave before this happens. I’ve been reminded of this by every doctor and therapist.

OK, so this is part of today’s journey. God is slowly healing Kathy’s body and today I get to take a new part in this–the timekeeper!

I dearly love these early mornings when there is no interruption. It’s just God and me. You get to sense and know His Spirit within and for a moment in time you know beyond a shadow of any doubt that God is Love. The day then begins with all of its interruptions and challenges and I quickly lose for a time this intimate sense of God’s Presence. Yet, I can anchor into the Strength of God when I realize I’ve once again drifted for a time. His Spirit nudges and I reawaken to the reality that I need to let my mind return to the God I serve.

Yesterday I was notified that my younger brother’s wife may have had a stroke as my own wife did almost two weeks ago. I quickly called to check this message’s accuracy. It was true. Yet, later last night there was no evidence of a stroke found. The doctors thought it was likely a migraine which can mirror symptoms of a stroke. A year ago my older sis-in-law battled a 6 month period of breast cancer treatment. This morning I was hit with the truth of God’s Gift to us Lewis brothers. Our wives are precious not only in God’s sight, but they are most precious as our wives. They love each other and are like 3 peas in a pod and we brothers take so much of this for granted.

My next assignment is to let the three of them know what a gift they are! I’ve already thanked God, and next it will be them!

A quote from one of today’s devotionals reads: “This vast ocean of God’s Love cannot be measured or explained, but it can be experienced.” When I read this I had to stop and ponder/reflect. I thought to myself that truer words have never been spoken or written.

Man so wants to take God’s Love and put his own description of what it should look like built on man’s desires or wishes. I wanted God’s Love to obliterate my memories of my past thinking that this would be God’s perfect way of showing me He loved me. Little did I ever think He was wanting me to surrender this past to Him so He could use it for His purposes. This would be an expression of His Love. Every counseling day I get to experience glimpses of God’s Love. These glimpses often include what I kept as secrets so much of my life. Today God uses these secrets as ingredients for one’s stepping out of their own bondage. It plants seeds of faith/hope for others and it nurtures gratitude within me. And, someday, God will use their story to help another.

In my limited, human resources I am unable to put words to this vast Love of God. However, I can and will do my best to express the depth of gratitude I have for this Love that I get to experience each and every day. God is LOVE!

Our flesh was never intended to be an ugly thing. Boy, did sin ever do its number however. I find myself spending so much time dealing with the ugly side of flesh when God intended for us to be free of this all. Choice was suppose to be a gift and I suppose it still is. However, the curse of choice has been with us a very long time.

I know that our decline is inevitable. It is sure difficult to watch and experience. The fact that it is directly connected to sin makes me hate sin all the more. The personal struggles I have with temptations are a small part of the struggle when this decline of life begins to set in.

Remembering to praising God in the midst of this is another huge item. If I look just beyond the struggles of today I see the arms of Jesus waiting to embrace as I give Him thanks for the freedom He gives–the peace that passeth all understanding. All I have to do is look up to Him and remember. These present struggles are only temporary He reminds me. How I love Him for this promise!

It is so easy to take this life of flesh for granted. Even though we have abundant knowledge about death and the decline of our flesh as we age, I find myself continuously learning new things as this reality of decline hit our home. Maybe we are all this way, but I just haven’t noticed how independent I am. I greatly enjoy independence, doing things on my own, fixing my own meals, laundry, finances, yard and garden and so much more. What I didn’t realize about myself was how much I expected everyone in my close family to be the same. Independence is a sign of health I subconsciously thought. Not until now when Kathy had her stroke did I realize I don’t want her being independent. I want her to need me and I want to be there for her in all of her needs. Even though the therapists said to let her be as independent as possible, I want to be a mouse in the corner making sure she’s ok. In all of this I also have yesterday’s message speaking to me–Trust and Obey.

I’ve just not had to combine trusting God with life’s deterioration until now. Even letting others into our home to be with Kathy while I’m counseling has been its own mental/emotional struggle. Sharing responsibilities is the right thing to do. Kathy enjoys her friends and family and I can trust them to recognize what she needs and when she needs it.

Today I’m gone for 7 hours–1.5 miles away. My sis-in-law will be here and Kathy wants this, God has already shown Himself in this. Now it is my turn to Trust and Obey. I’ve never thought of myself as a helicopter husband, but…! I will TRUST and I will OBEY.

Today will start the new schedule for living one day at a time. This includes the therapy sessions for Kathy and having family and friends come and be with her when I am doing counseling sessions. Last Saturday’s lesson from God taught me the importance of surrendering all of this to Him and trusting Him to be Lord of this too. I do trust Him and now, as the old hymn says, “TRUST & OBEY, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.” I do truly know the importance of what this songs says. Needing to apply its message to daily living does take a moment. My flesh wants to grab ahold of this and hold it tight to me for Kathy’s protection. But, I know that this would only smother her and in the long run, I want to obey. Kathy and I will both be much more at peace when I do my part and let God do His.

Kathy and I watched our church service on line yesterday morning. The choir and worship team sang: He Is Worthy. I love this song! Our worship leader/choir director did the solo part. I couldn’t help but tear up as the song sang in my heart. I know that God is Worthy and I want to trust Him living out the obedience indicating that I do, for HE IS WORTHY!

My goodness, I logged into the site just now to post today’s entry and found I hadn’t done one yesterday. What does that tell you about this old grandpa?? I had an early phone call, counseling appointment and then a group session following it at our church. My youngest daughter’s frig had quit the day before. I had found a good used one for her so with help I quickly went to load the new one, remove the old one and replace with the new one. The help was another one of God’s blessings–even if one of them was a brother! By midafternoon things had quieted and I could relax. Posting this site had never entered my mind until I saw the absence of it this morning. My apologies.

The small group session yesterday morning has a curriculum we are using. It’s topic was praying and believing. It challenged me just where I was needing challenged–BELIEVING. Yesterday was the first day I was leaving my wife alone to go do this group and I was an anxious husband. Even though the therapists and her doctor had said it was the right thing to do, I couldn’t see it. Yesterday’s lesson reminded me where I had my eyes–on Kathy first and not on Christ as my first look. I also was needing help moving the frig for they are quite heavy. My brother had said I would need to find an additional helper. One of the verses in the lesson was ASK, SEEK and KNOCK. So at the end of the lesson I asked and immediately one young man volunteered. He and my brother were a perfect match for the help needed. I guess that should be no surprise when God is at the helm!

The frosting on the cake was my sister-in-law had come with my brother to be with Kathy making the absence worry free. I didn’t expect to come home and see a little bit of Christmas in our home’s decor. These little things are blessings God keeps bringing which remind me so much of His tender mercies. How I love HIM!

Well, December has come. With this month I’m reminded that the coming Messiah is about to come–our Savior, our Lord. Knowing all he was to experience in coming, he did it anyway!

I had this wonderful talk yesterday late morning with one of our pastors. He had experienced 4 years ago a very similar stroke to that of Kathy’s. Today he has little, if any, lasting effects of it. He realizes that his language processing skills are different for him, but for me, talking with him, I notice nothing different. I knew him well before the stroke and following it. Along with this topic, we talked about working with ministry. He is the overseeing pastor for our Celebrate Recovery, our Restoration classes and the counseling ministry we began 1.5 years ago. He helped me see that the TRUST and BELIEF I’ve had in Jesus Christ now has an added element to it–Kathy’s stroke. Can I trust Jesus to watch over Kathy and care for her if she’s here at home when I’m 1.5 miles away? Am I neglecting her if I trust Jesus to do this?

At this point in my life I not only live, but I also am very awake to the truth that living at this age, also is drawing nearer to eternal living. Will I TRUST during this time as I’ve done before it? I needed this conversation yesterday so I could realistically think this through. God is wanting to deepen the Trust I’ve had to now include the frailty of life at this stage of earthly living. It is a whole new chapter of learning to live fully trusting in this wonderful Messiah who has come!