This morning as I arose I had a text message from a dear friend who has struggled immensely the past 3.5 months. She had a knee replacement that went sepsis. She almost lost her life before the doctor caught the issue. She had to have the knee replaced a 2nd time and for 8 weeks she was on IV antibiotics. She is still on oral antibiotics. Only now is she beginning to get her life back. Our quartet went to sing for her Tuesday evening which was not like others we have done. This gal sings with us often as she has a wonderful voice and spirit. So, our visit was a reunion of her singing songs with us as had been in the recent past. Along with the visit we left a card with a gift of money. Her text was a thank you expressing deep appreciation. 

As I began to journal I wrote to Jesus how nice it was to have this text message. All of us dearly love this gal. It was then that I realized how much I had been lamenting to Jesus about Kathy’s issues and hadn’t thanked Him for all He was doing to not only heal her but to grow both of us in the process. Hebrews 12:11 says. “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (This is the scripture to memorize for the Saturday morning group I have). This morning I realized the truth of this verse for me. No, this event of the stroke has been nothing but painful to experience. Yet, God has been disciplining me to keep my eyes of Jesus rather than the issue itself. Trusting Him in the midst of the storm is always easier to know than to put into place. Yet, the righteousness and peace cannot be known unless our eyes are brought to our GREAT HEALER and left there trusting. 

This morning I thanked God for all He is doing, has done, and will be doing to use this time to grow Kathy and me into more of His likeness. Yes, this has been painful, but I sure don’t want to lose out on the righteousness and peace that accompanies obedience to God. 

I wrote yesterday about how God is shedding His Light in the darkness of Kathy’s recovery from her stroke. It was an awakening I needed in trusting God with her healing. I had in my mind what her healing ought to look like and I was to keep her in therapy until the picture of her healing was completed. Then, out of the blue, her key therapist says they are done. My thought was, “WHAT! That can’t be. We are a long ways from Kathy being who she was before that day in November.” 

Yesterday in a counseling session with a gentleman, we began building a timeline of his life events which have greatly influenced his thinking and actions of today. Some of them have been addressed, but we need to uncover what is still deeply rooted in causing him to sometimes act out. He text me late last night (which I didn’t read until this morning) that he couldn’t sleep. He was recalling many events that had been buried which we will address next week. I responded to his text reminding him that God’s timing is always perfect and He is shedding His Light into darkness that has hidden what Satan wanted kept in the dark. 

As I was journaling after sending the text message, I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for today? His response truly struck me. He said, “What if my Light you spoke of to your client is the same Light I want you to see in the darkness of Kathy’s recovery? My Light is healing as you said to the client. I want you to know that this same Light is molding Kathy AND you into believers who are more like Me. Let My Light do its work.” All of a sudden the lamenting I had within me turned into hopefulness that Kathy and I are being remade. The outcome will be more useful to Christ’s work in our own relationship and in the ministries for which we serve. 

Isn’t GOD AMAZING!

Yesterday was a sobering day for me. I hadn’t realized how much of Kathy’s improvement was completely out of my control. In fact, all of her improvement was never in my control. Somehow, I thought (without even consciously thinking it) that taking her to all of her therapy appointments would bring back this person I love with all of the personality and actions I have known for over 40 years. 

Well, yesterday the therapist for speech/language dismissed Kathy. She said that Kathy’s improvement was now in her hands. The strategies for improving were taught so now Kathy can use them herself. There’s a lot of detail here I won’t write, but I was winded hearing this. Kathy didn’t seem to yet have her old drive back in place so this continued improvement seemed too much at risk. I wanted to tell the therapist she needed to rethink her actions. I even asked if she actually thought this was in Kathy’s best interest? Once she restated her reasoning I knew she was right, but….

This morning I wrote a lengthy plea out to Jesus regarding yesterday. He reminded me that I was never in control of Kathy’s progress. Yes, I had an assignment in it, but He is the GREAT HEALER. Did I trust Him? I just tear up writing this now. I know better, I just don’t act better when these realities first hit. Of course I trust Jesus. I just needed to get my eyes off of this issue and put them back onto this One I do trust. I have done that now. 

“Trust and Obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to Trust and Obey!”

DECIDE NOW. This is the sermon topic for the next forthcoming weeks at our church. As our pastor introduced this yesterday I instantly thought, “Wow, Christ just isn’t going to have this be a focus for me, He wants all of us to decide now. There are so many layers to this statement. First, will we decide to have Jesus be or Savior by inviting Him into our lives? Secondly, will we come to the decision that we want Christ to be Lord of our lives? Thirdly, will we live daily for Him keeping our focus on the day and His messages He gives during the day? 

I often wish I could decide now to have all of my temptations go away once and for all. However, I cannot write here how much this fleshly struggle of my own often enters the picture when I counsel. Man just will never be free from temptation here on earth. The question now is, will I decide to surrender the temptation this day to Jesus and let Him handle it as I walk away from it? I can use my own life struggle to help others see they are not alone in their own.

Decide now is a once in a lifetime decision as we look at our first decision to accept Christ as our Savior. However, from that point it is a day by day decision to live out the life Christ has planned for us if we choose Him as our Lord. I often grapple with my sinfulness and Satan wants me believing it dominates me. However, Christ in His faithfulness reminds me just what Celebrate Recovery has each one use to introduce ourselves: ”Hi, I’m a GRATEFUL BELIEVER IN JESUS CHRSIT who struggles with ….” My identity is firmly rooted in Jesus Christ and I commit to living life daily committed to Him!

Living our lives for Jesus seems complicated at times. How does one live in our flesh and keep fully committed to following Jesus each moment of each day? The words I often use are, “…one day at a time, one moment at a time….” (Serenity Prayer quote) This is a tremendously good start for the day, but keeping it the focus through the day is the challenge. I know that is why God gives us Mercy and Grace. Mercy for the flesh we battle and Grace to stay as focused as possible yielding to His nudges. 

As I was journaling this morning again about this daily need to stay abundantly focused on living each moment for Jesus, He told me that what He says to me each morning when I ask Him what He wants me to know for today is not just a message, it is a command. Believe what I say to you, He says. Good grief, I often poo poo what a person says to me, but Jesus never wants me to poo poo what He says to me. He also wants me to quit devaluing a message from one of His kids. 

God just never quits driving home His intimate love for you and me. How I love Him and want to serve Him well!

Yesterday my wife and I went to see our prayer warrior Lois. She hadn’t seen Kathy since the stroke hit but has been sending encouraging messages throughout this time. I go to see her a couple times a month keeping her updated on God’s Work through the ministries she prays for: Counseling and Celebrate Recovery. However, yesterday was a most touching reunion to see her and Kathy welcome one another. Lois finally said, “I haven’t had an update on the ministries, but today I just want to rejoice in having Kathy back in my life.” It made me tear up just watching this take place!

Over the past many years God has been teaching me what intimacy is like. First and foremost, I’ve needed to learn and witness that intimacy has no agenda behind it. It is pure love in action. I have always questioned in my mind what someone wanted from me if they hugged too long or if they placed a hand on my arm or shoulder and left it there for a time. I’ve learned that these physical moments from people are simply reinforcing a message of love and support with no other intent. When I witnessed Kathy and Lois yesterday I saw intimacy in its purity. I have thought that I was a lot more intimate today than I’ve ever been before. Maybe that is true, but witnessing it like yesterday, I found I have a ways yet to go. 

It overwhelms me to think that what I witnessed in this hour reunion was just like God’s Love for me. To be loved with no agenda other than love is amazing! To be in the presence of someone just to be with them–this is a huge part of intimate love. God wants that with me and I want that with HIM. I do have a ways to go, and that moment yesterday let me see love like God wants me to know.

This morning as I began to journal I couldn’t help but thank Jesus for the abundant blessings of yesterday. The time with our friend last night was so nice. Our quartet has sung for a number of folks over the years who were losing their battle of life on earth. Never, however, have we sung for someone in this case like last night. When we arrived, the four of us with our wives (8 total), there were a dozen family and friends there. More arrived as the evening wore on. It was as though Penny was having a party. It was festive and joyous just as Penny has always been throughout her life. Instead of needing to quit after a couple of songs we were encouraged to sing more, sing more! God is so amazing!

As I continued to journal I was writing about a decision that needs to be made regarding a gentleman who wants to join our counseling team. He is new to me and has an overwhelming personality on a positive side, but… A decision doesn’t need to be made immediately, he expresses a longing to be part of this ministry. As I was journaling about this decision, I asked Jesus for His Light to shine on His response. Later in my journaling I asked the question of Jesus I do each morning. I wrote: ”Jesus, what do You want me to know from You for today?” Instantly I heard this, “You are asking for my Light to shine on a decision that is not to be made today. I want you to trust Me knowing I will shed this Light when the time for the decision is ready. Remember that your commitment for this year is to keep focused on Me–I AM each day and to trust, not fret, for the decisions of the future.” 

I needed this message today to drive home a deeply rooted worry I have when it comes to the work I do. God is teaching me that He WILL come through when His time is right–not mine. TRUST and not fret is my goal for today. Uprooting this worrisome habit of mine is needed!

Yesterday morning started with a visit to the hospital for our dear friend who is succumbing to cancer. They moved her home with hospice care yesterday afternoon. Our quartet is going there tonight to sing her favorite songs for her. While we were at the hospital one of our pastors and wife came. The wife asked Penny what she was hearing from God’s Spirit? Penny immediately said, “I’m just made to realize how insignificant the details of life are in comparison to where I am going. I have a peace I cannot explain.” It makes letting go a little easier when I hear this.

There is a calling God has for each one of us. The first seems always to be to accept His Son Jesus as our Savior inviting Him into our lives. The second calling is the one to make Jesus the Lord of our life. This second calling is the one that has consumed me, haunted me and awakened me to the reality of my humanness/weakness along side of Christ’s Strength and Power. I have longed for Christ’s Power to be mine so I would never fall prey to temptations of the flesh. Today I am finally seeing that in order to live with Christ’s Strength and Power as my own I am to do so keeping focused only on today. The great I AM is with me today and if I stay awake to this I will rely on HIM rather than on me. 

Several years ago I read the biography of Mother Teresa. I wanted to know how someone could be so strong in the Lord. One particular story in it told of her flying to Mexico to address some major issues a town was having. When she was asked who was meeting her at the airport, she didn’t know. All she knew was that she was to go there. She went on to say that she also knew God had the plans/details in place otherwise she wouldn’t have been nudged to go. This FAITH and TRUST is what I know Jesus wants me (each of us) to have in Him. This confidence in FAITH/TRUST is not just for Mother Teresa, it is for you and me. She practiced this one day at a time keeping her eyes on Jesus, her ears listening to His Voice and then to obey (not question) His Message. This has become my daily purpose.

Yesterday I mentioned in my post about life returning to a routine. I wrote how I function better in this environment. What is also connected to life returning to its routine is what “life” expects from you in this routine. Routine is not just about one living with structure, the world in which this structure abides has expectations in it. This reality truly hit home yesterday. For a few weeks I was not exposed to the needs of the ones in counseling. I was not exposed to the needs of our Celebrate Recovery ministry. My own family limited their needs knowing I needed to be with Kathy. Yesterday seemed to be the day when life returned to its normal pace. As I reflect on this today I smile thinking how much I forgot that “routine” has in it I had set aside. 

What I mention in the above paragraph I can now place into my commitment for this year. I will put each of these needs into first: Keeping my eyes on Jesus, Listen to His Voice and then Obey His Commands. Taking a moment to keep these three actions in place as I live each day is amazingly doable when I keep in mind that this very day I AM is with me and already has in store what my part is to be. I am really young at this but I want to grow in this process each day ahead of me knowing to do this one day at a time. Thank YOU JESUS!

I just got home from taking our oldest grandson to the airport where he returns to the air force base where he is stationed. He’s such a fine young man. It makes grandpa proud to see him maturing and loving his walk with God.

Today I head back to counseling. I’m glad to get this restarted. I can only stand the randomness of “time off” for so long. I work much better with a predictable schedule. 

As I began journaling before heading to the airport I wrote that today is day 2 of my three commitments. I cringed as I thought about obeying His commands for I know myself too well, I wrote. Instantly I was once again reminded that the commitment is only for today. Tomorrow will be a commitment when I get to tomorrow. My focus needs to stay only on today. One of God’s powerful names is I AM. Remembering that I AM is with me and I can rely solely on His Strength and not my weakness is a tremendous assurance. We will do this together. It makes me smile as I write this knowing for these 24 hours I have I AM with me. I have known this for years. Somehow I’m now beginning to live with this truth in my heart. Boy, is God ever GOOD!