CHOICE–have you ever thanked God for this option He gave us and then turned right around and asked Him why He ever took this step? When it comes to living fully for Jesus and surrendering all to Him allowing The Holy Spirit free reign in us, choice is forever getting in the way!

Throughout my lifetime I’ve had numerous times when I hated the fact that God gave mankind choice. As I grew into my adult years and began to realize that all of the abuse I endured was “choice” and all the abuse of our world is choice, I hated choice. However, when I personalized choice to just me, I was grateful God gave this option. How could we ever choose Him, Jesus, The Holy Spirit if we hadn’t been given choice? The sinful side of choice I hate, the rejoicing side of choice I love.

For a long time I served God thinking I was choosing to do so by honoring what I thought He wanted me to do. As I wrote yesterday, I was really honoring myself because I didn’t even ask God, I relied only on what I thought was right. I learned from these times to take “what I thought was right” to God to anchor it. I’d also ask Kathy to see if she thought it was the right thing to do? These always helped.

I know God is never removing choice for good reason. Growing into the fullness of choice is a lifetime endeavor. I sometimes bring this out in a counseling session, but to do this I sure need to be kind and gentle letting The Holy Spirit be the motivation rather than my just seeing it and then going there. Another choice I need to be very aware of. LIfe is always filled with another lesson to learn.

I have mentioned a young man who is struggling to find his worth in Jesus. In fact, he has envisioned doing great things for God in his life only to have these things thrown back at him giving him the thought that God just isn’t pleased with him at all. I stumbled into a movie last night entitled Born to Win. It is a movie taken from a true story of a man similar to this young man. I have lived long enough away from the emotions of my younger years that my memory has softened a bit about the anger and torment this movie brought forth. I know that much of the softening I’ve had was simply me not wanting to admit I ever doubted God that much. Yet, I well remember telling God all kinds of unkind things in those years of severe torment.

It is difficult to let someone like this young man work through his anguish with God. He is such a nice person and genuinely wants to help others. Yet, he still doesn’t see that he is the one determining how the help should look. I think we all go through these times thinking our thoughts/actions are aligned with God’s or we wouldn’t have them. I’ve found myself there scores of times only to later find they were only my ideas.

God is never wrong. These tough times do come into our lives and God waits for us to give Him the chance to use them to grow us. Yes, it is painful–very painful–but, so worth it!

Today’s journey takes me back to the consulting work I did for 15 years after retiring from public education. I’m meeting with a lady who was a first year principal 17 years ago and has grown into a leader who has done so much good for our local educational world. She is the only person of all the many I worked with that stays in touch. The reason–she reaches out. I’ve never known anyone quite like her. In fact, she is the one who steered me to the publishing company I used to publish my book which came out almost exactly 9 years ago now. We have met once a year for the past few years and I will enjoy this meeting again this morning.

God is working to help me see just how much He wants to take every area of confusion and anxiety I have and turn it into a learning lesson as I give it to Him. The lesson always has the first learning which is growing my TRUST. Scripture asks us to ponder why we’d ever worry when God takes such good care of the sparrow. Won’t He also do the same for me? (this is an Earnie translation). The roots of anxiety go deeply into my system so uprooting them is taking time. A good thing is that I am able to surrender them and see them as they are–worry. I don’t bury them, but now confess them much sooner than I have ever before.

God is such a kind and faithful teacher. No wonder He never stops working to mold us into His Son’s likeness.

One day at a time–that is the way our journey continues. By the end of each and every day I am glad the day has come to an end. What takes place in the day is all I can handle. Even when we have a day where little takes place I always feel grateful for having time to regroup and let my mind and spirit find peacefulness.

I write the above paragraph because it is simply true for me. Yesterday had a couple of sessions starting the day. In one of them a young man who is very troubled presently pulled away. Nothing is helping he said so why should I continue with this? As the day continued, there were a couple more things which came up which surprised me and left me wondering what I should do, if anything. Moments like this leave me with a sense of helplessness.

This morning as I journaled this to Jesus I found Him asking me if I truly believed He is with me 24/7? When I responded affirmatively, He asked if I then believed He is with those others for whom I’m troubled? Do I also believe He uses all things for His good? Well, yes I do believe all of this, but I find when I’m in the midst of it I certainly do question until I am brought to this point.

Yesterday I wrote about surrendering to The Holy Spirit and then taking time to open myself up for The Holy Spirit to infill me. As I took these steps this morning I found myself easily surrendering, but not so easily opening up for the Spirit’s infilling. As I continued in this state of surrender I had a flood of “what if’s” going rapidly through my mind. As I gave them over to God, I could then relax and trust.

One day at a time, God is wanting to grow each of us into more of His Son Jesus’ likeness. I sure don’t want to resist this!

In yesterday’s meeting with the individual interested in working with our counseling ministry, we hit upon the subject of everyone’s need to bring God into the midst of whatever struggle one is facing. This is no easy task for in doing this we begin to find what the one struggling believes about God. Biblical counseling is solely based on God being the GREAT HEALER. Man is a tool to help others find resolution for their struggle with the healing coming from God.

In the meeting we discussed momentarily the Triune God–God the Father, Jesus the Son of God, The Holy Spirit. In simple analysis, They are One with purpose for us as mankind. God is God of the universe. Jesus is God in man who became our final sacrifice for our sins and paved the entrance into eternity if we accept him as our Savior. The Holy Spirit God gave to us to open the door for an intimate relationship with Him. In this relationship we find Hope, Trust, Faith, confidence, love and the determination (Strength) to never stop growing in the fullness of God as our life continues.

As I was praying over my prayer list I have at the top “Surrender to The Holy Spirit”. As I read this I stopped to realize surrender is only the first step. Once I surrender to Him, I then need to open myself so He can be the Strength of my life. To surrender I simply say I lost or I can’t do this. However, to surrender so I can then be filled with God’s Strength is a whole different story! It is then I can go back into the battlefield knowing I now have an army fighting for me who never loses.

OK, with all of this, now my assignment is to put this truth into living today!

There is nothing like the innocence of a 7 year old to bring about the purity of children. Our youngest grandchild turned 7 yesterday and we had her birthday party here last night. Since Kathy’s day is just two days before hers, we combined the party for the two of them. Our youngest did steal the show however! She is full of life and innocence!

For quite sometime I’ve prayed for a second man to work with our counseling program. There have been those spoken with, but in each case, it became obvious there wasn’t a fit. Today our little counseling team is meeting with a gentleman that does seem to fit. I’m looking forward to seeing how the meeting goes. I know and believe that Jesus already has this in the palm of His hands. It will be nice to see how this all plays out.

There are days like today when all should seem well, but for some reason I’m anxious. I’ve already surrendered all of it to Jesus and journaled about it. I recognize my need to let it go just as I felt Christ telling me to do so and I have. The thoughts are still going through my head and each time they do I surrender all over again. Some days are just like that. I’m headed out to pick blackberries in a few minutes so I’m quite sure that will take care of any anxious moments!

It is so nice to have the windows open and the fan bringing in the cool morning air after so many days of smoke and heat. I know this is likely temporary for the wildfires still rage around this valley. For today, I’m very grateful.

I had a moment of awakening yesterday late afternoon. I was starting the last counseling session and asked the young man how he is doing? His response was what awakened me. He told me I had deeply hurt him last week with a statement I’d made. I was asking him to consider something about a past action regarding him and a relationship which had ended. He took my question as an insult that had hurt him all week long. As soon as he told me it had made him angry at me, I then recalled several months ago taking him through some material regarding his being highly sensitive. Well, this characteristic showed itself from my own approach. We talked it through and I apologized for my own lack of sensitivity. It isn’t that i should not have asked the question, but my approach to it could have been more gentle.

I was glad he was able to tell me what he did. That was a big step for him and it was also a good learning moment for myself. I felt as though it was my own counseling moment! God is just never through teaching us. I don’t care how old I am, I want to be a good student of God’s teaching.

For Kathy’s birthday we went to dinner and then to see the movie, Sound of Hope. I was told it was a tear-jerker so be sure and have plenty of kleenexes. Well, it is a fantastic movie and tells a gripping story. In watching it I kept thinking–I know these kids, I know these homes, these shattered relationships. I know this case worker who is trying desperately to get these kids into better home situations. I lived and watched these kids come through the school system. The movie didn’t make my cry, it made me remember what I’ve never wanted to forget–just how innocent children are and what childhood abuse does to them.

My own story isn’t one of alcohol or spousal abuse I had to watch as a child. I had a mom who took care of all of us physically and fed us spiritually. She was unaware of the emotional support needed I think or she did know it but was crippled to know what to do about it. Dad and my one brother, well, if you’re a reader of this blog you know all about them. My story is well in my past. Today, I get to use my story for God’s glory. I will never be anything but grateful and humbled by the gentle and yet thorough ways of God leading us into His love and forgiveness. All of this so we can use what was done to destroy our purpose (Satan’s tactics) and help others see how God will use our past for His honor and glory in helping others. WHAT A SAVIOR AND LORD WE HAVE!

Today is my wife Kathy’s birthday. It was fun reading through the birthday cards to find just the right one. I was such a shackled man inside when we first met, yet God gave her to me to love and to hold from this day forward. She has truly taught me so much about love, kindness and commitment. Our three daughters all say she is the one who taught them how to be a “mom”. I watched that happen too and it is true! God is amazingly good and getting to be her husband only reinforces this.

Today I get to step into several counseling sessions and be part of God’s work one session at a time. I look forward to these times. I will never be anything but humbled and thankful for the way God uses all things to His Glory and Honor as we finally let go and “let Him have His Way with thee”. (Words from the old hymn).

It is amazing how God works. This morning as I was reading my bible (I’m in Isaiah presently) I came across verses which spoke to me 30 years ago when Kathy and I took our family to Turkmenistan to open the first international school in their capitol city, Ashgabat. Starting with Isaiah 42:6, it says: “I will take hold of your hand and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.”

30 years ago I had put Ashgabat, ’94 in the margin by these words. This morning as I was reading them I couldn’t help but reflect for a moment as Jesus nudged today’s relevance to these same words. Today, to be part of Celebrate Recovery and the counseling ministry, I get to be part of Christ’s work in helping ones see God’s Light, to help others find freedom from captivities replacing their darkness with the TRUTH of GOD’s LIGHT.

30 years ago I had just begun to find God’s Light in my own darkness. Thinking that God would use it 30 years later as He is today would have taken me over the edge. Yet today, I simply rejoice that God took that broken vessel I was then, molded it into a vessel that can hold a candle of His Light. What a humbling privilege and honor it is!