Yesterday’s message about my manipulation has haunted me every since I became fully awake to just how much I’ve used it. I desperately controlled the secret of my past and its bondage over me for most of my lifetime. Good grief, I think about all of the times I said no to something I was invited to do just because one might find out “who I really am” if I were to participate in whatever the event was. I could not take that risk, I thought. I’ve needed to confess to God my sinfulness in all of this and have now done it. Yes, I know I’m forgiven and it is time for me to let it go so God can use even this as a tool for His Work.

Last night’s concert for Celebrate Recovery was a great time to see just how much God wanted me to awaken to this truth. More than once did I hear afterwards how they felt God’s Holy Spirit’s presence during this time. All of this time I just kept praising God and thanking Him for never quitting on me. I’ve always wanted to be a good servant to God, but little did I know how much I was wanting to control what this “servant” did. Well, I’m much more awake to my flesh now and humbly admit it. God is so AMAZING!