Yesterday was a day to celebrate all the way around. My nephew’s transplant went smoothly and my brother’s prostate cancer is contained and easily treatable. Praise God! The other thing that took place yesterday was a conversation I needed to have a with a person that I knew would find it troubling, but it was necessary. It went very well and God was in it all the way. I had delayed this for a few days to find Christ’s confirmation that I should do this rather than reacting from my own self-will. By yesterday I had that confirmation to move forward.
There is something I’m seeing as I work with couples in counseling. This is the need for the couple to be a team in their marriage. I had a husband ask me yesterday to make sense of how women are wired differently than men as each approaches life. This couple has been married 34 years and deeply involved in church life, but their marriage is simply living in the same house. The wife has been coming for several months and her husband has come for three weeks. He’s a very friendly person and very self-assured in the flesh. As I pointed out his wife’s spirit-connection and how this could benefit him being far more aware of his dealing with people, he got very quiet for he hurts those closest to him without any awareness and this includes his wife and children. We will spend more time here, but the importance of God completing man with woman is often lost in man’s flesh. That softer, kinder approach that God uses with us is best known in our wives and it isn’t found in us men if we don’t team with our wife or with a woman we trust deeply when we are single.
This morning has a great deal taking place in it. First and foremost, my nephew is having a t-cell transplant this morning in Seattle. This is his third transplant using his own t-cells harvested several years ago. The research has improved the process significantly so doctors believe this time might be a real cure. He has a rare bone cancer disease which we all know would have taken his life, but God wants him here at this point in his life. His life is a testimony to God’s Amazing Ways. My younger brother has prostate cancer and today he finds out if it has spread beyond the prostate. This is another major prayer.
My devotional message today brings out a point I wish weren’t true. When we are involved in doing God’s business, we will be attacked and attacked and attacked. It is so easy to tell this to someone when it is obvious this is taking place for them. But, when it is significantly true for oneself, it is not so easy. First, I hate admitting this is happening for me because it almost always attacks me in the sexual arena. The attacks want to feed the message that the old self is still who I am. Yes, I am born again, but what does that really mean except God will take me to heaven. I know the truth of these torments and I also know that confessing them is the right thing to do so that’s part of the reason for writing this now. The other reason is that I know I’m not alone in this. Satan is so deceptive and just plain mean in his ways to deter us from God’s Kingdom work.
With all this now written, I’m ready for today. I know God’s Holy Spirit is within me and I have given myself to Him and will continue to do so throughout this day. I also know God is working with the team of doctors for my nephew and with my brother. The journey continues!
There are so many things going through my mind this morning with one overriding one–How do we ever get to the place where our spirit is fully led by God’s Holy Spirit? When we had our meeting last Saturday morning regarding that lesson on Aggressive Worship, I made the statement to the others that for me it would seem to start as a discipline and hopefully move into a practice. Well, that seemed to sound good, but having the patience to wait for the practice–that’s a whole different thing. Of course, this reality of living fully in conscious spirit–God’s Holy Spirit, seems more like a miracle if it were to take place. I have a meeting with our pastor tomorrow morning and am going to talk this over with him.
As my journey continues I can see that my tormenting past no longer haunts me as it did. What torments me today is still being a man of flesh where flesh is always in conflict with God’s Spirit. You just want to be selfish for a little while! As I write this truth for me I really don’t want to be selfish, but when urges hit, they want to supercede anything else. In a counseling session I would tell anyone talking about this that they need to forgive oneself for being human. That’s easier said than done! And, now as I conclude today’s entry, it is why this journey does continue for me. I’m not done with the lessons God has for me to learn.
I wrote yesterday about the session in the morning would be the last one for the week re-engaging all of them. The session was with the young men I’ve written about in past using the material titled: Every Man A Pure Warrior. The lesson title was Aggressive Worship. That title bothered me somewhat in that I’ve always seen aggressive as a negative rather than a positive. Doing the lesson ahead of time was enjoyable, but going through the lesson yesterday brought about some awakening I have needed all of my life.
Worship has always been an important time for me. It is easy for me to lose my flesh self momentarily and let my spirit soar praising God and letting His Spirit be mine. A line in the lesson said, “Offer your body and body parts to God as an act of worship and clothe your body with the armor of God.” During the lesson time we discussed the part of clothing oneself with the armor of God as a part of worship. I’ve never once thought of this act as a part of worship until this became a talking point. This morning while journaling I was expressing my question mark to Jesus. It was then He pointed out that when my spirit joins The Holy Spirit and I allow the Holy Spirit to be my spirit I begin the opportunity to do as the phrase above says–offer my body and parts to The Holy Spirit which then allows Him to be my Armor of God. If I have this right, it is in Spirit I find strength of God becoming my own strength. I’ve never found God’s Strength maintained when I approach it in my flesh–my mind. It is when I approach this in my spirit that I find God’s Strength. Good grief, God is Spirit so why has this been such a mystery until now? I’m going to be spending a good deal more time allowing this to manifest itself in me.
The week is coming to an end and this morning I will have the last counseling session re-engaging each one since returning from our trip. I’m always amazed at the way my mind/emotions want to make all of this much greater than it is. As I sat down this morning I put each session on paper just to see how many are in a week. My emotions were acting like I was on the verge of too many. Yet, when I simply outlined each one I am right in the comfort zone. All of this just showed me again what my mind and emotions do if I don’t keep Christ Jesus right in the forefront of my day and keep Him there throughout the day. I am starting 5 new sessions which was a trigger to “panic”. Yet, these 5 were simply replacing ones who were finished. I keep thinking this behavior of mine will disappear with my “old age”. Yet, it is just as alive today in me as it was when I became a new principal at the age of 29. I’m sure glad God doesn’t see this as a roadblock to moving forward. He just shows it to me and helps me work through it, surrendering it, and move forward with Him.
Every since I was asked to start the counseling program at our church I’ve relied on an individual who is a retired christian counselor I deeply respect. She joined the team and has been my “go to” every since. As I went to her last night at our Celebrate Recovery dinner time and asked for some guidance in a new case I’m counseling this morning, I was told she would be leaving us in the near future due to some personal reasons. She is willing to continue assisting as I come up against deep issues and need her advice.
Until last night I had no idea how much my confidence depended on her proximity. As I brought all of this to Jesus this morning I was reminded just what He has been speaking to me about all this week–TRUST. In the past couple of years I’ve learned to trust Jesus in ways I never had before. Just taking on the assignment of starting a counseling ministry and getting myself prepared to participate as a counselor was a huge step. However, that wasn’t all Jesus had in mind. He wants me to learn what the depth of trust looks like. What I’m finding is that no matter how ugly the issue, He is always the answer. Finding the confidence in Christ as Healer is great. But, keeping myself in the role of facilitator trusting Jesus’ Holy Spirit to bring out the right words at the right time (using me), well, it is one client at a time. I keep fearing I will be incompetent (looking only at me) rather than looking to Jesus and trusting Jesus in each situation.
I couldn’t sleep past 3:50 am this morning. I’ve needed to spend this time talking to God and listening to Him only to find His assurance that He never leaves and is always present and leading. I can fully trust Him and be assured of this. In the 2+ years of now working with the counseling I’ve known this to be true. Today, and this day forward, He wants me to rest in this assurance, not anguish in it. So, OK, I’m stepping into this day with a greater/deeper assurance! I will PRAISE Him instead of anguish in fear.
I’m a little slow getting this entry done today. My morning started at my daughter’s home getting the kids up and ready for school. Both my daughter and husband needed to leave by 6:00 am for their jobs, so grandpa was called in. It was nothing but fun!
What I wrote about yesterday and the lesson God is teaching me came into play as the counseling sessions began. It seemed as though every session needed for me to have that lesson right in front of my nose. For whatever reason, each session was going deeply into needs that hadn’t surfaced and in most cases, they had been withheld for the sake of the client not wanting known what was needing to be shared. Trusting God to help me listen and respond in His timing and with His wisdom was extremely necessary. The key for me was trusting at the moment of the session and then to trust today that God will continue working with them through the coming week.
All of this throws me back into the memories of my own help. I would be glad for a session and then block myself from dwelling on it until the next week’s session. After a year or so of counseling I finally awoke to my need to stay focused on the session’s content so God could work on me each and every day. This wasn’t just true for me, it is true for each one of us as we seek God’s help/healing. I just never realized until stepping into counseling how much learning I’d need. God never ceases to be AMAZING!
Maybe it is just my tendency towards anxiety, but yesterday as I was stepping back into counseling, I was overly concerned that I wouldn’t be equipped for the sessions ahead. The book I mentioned yesterday had a big impact on me and even though I knew in my head that God would use this information I’d learned, somehow what I had in my head had not entered into my spirit. This morning when I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him, He said, “Your assignment is to learn what I inspire within you. Then it is to trust My Gift of The Holy Spirit to deliver this information as a client needs to hear it. This isn’t about you and you “knowing”, it is about you trusting Me to use you at the right times.”
As I moved from my journaling to read my devotional, the message was about God opening our spiritual eyes to something new about Him. As I read this I just stopped and thanked Jesus for His message just a few minutes earlier. My spiritual eyes were opened to a greater awareness of trusting. Deep within me is an old belief that I am not able to know what I need to know or do what I need to do–I’ll screw it up. Well, God is showing me that He never screws up and if I do, it is because I forget about trusting Him and instead, try to rely on me.
It is so good to be sitting at my home computer to write today’s entry. Our trip was SO good, but there still is nothing like coming home and sleeping in one’s own bed. We did have a hiccup with our return yesterday. Our flight from Springfield, MO was delayed 3 times causing us to miss our first flight from Denver to Boise. We barely caught the last flight of the day and upon arrival in Boise, we found our luggage didn’t. They are to deliver it today at some point. So, going to bed last night didn’t take place until midnight instead of our usual time. Oh, well, this isn’t a complaint, just what it is.
As I plan for reengaging the counseling, I am just putting my trust in Jesus. He knows the concerns which will be coming and He also knows what the outcomes are to be. A book I finished on the return flights titled Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown talked a great deal about our need to come clean (my words). Helping someone do this, building trust with them, is a God item. While being gone I’ve had 4 new intakes which are worked into this week. I know God is working in their lives and He certainly is also working in mine to let Him alone be the great Healer and I be a conduit as His Holy Spirit guides each step.
God is good all the time–All the time God is good!
The day has come to return home and reengage in the life of home. I believe each one of us on this trip has profited from being gone these 12 days and God has strengthened an appreciation for family in us. Only in these last few years have I believed that I could be an important member to our family. Realizing that differences in talents and personality are on purpose and not weaknesses is a real awakening for me. God does on purpose what He does in creating you and me.
As I began to read the book of Acts this morning I am reminded how unifying God is with His people. When we allow the Holy Spirit to become our leader we will automatically unify. God has different assignments for each of us, but in doing these assignments, we are not to think someone else’s assignment is of lesser importance. That is our flesh speaking, not The Holy Spirit. We shouldn’t bicker over differences, but work to understand why the differences are important. Unifying our efforts is always critically important.
Keeping our eyes of Jesus and listening to His Gift–The Holy Spirit within us is an everyday, every moment of each day assignment. I never want to forget this.
Earnie Lewis 