Yesterday I wrote in this blog about living in freedom. One of the realities of this I never expected was seeing sin as something one could turn away from. Give it back to the accuser who wants us to act on it. The sins of abuse to a child embed themselves in the very soul of the child making them believe huge lies about themselves. In these beliefs the victim comes to think the sin IS himself/herself. One cannot give away/deny a sin that you are. Otherwise the only way to get rid of the sin would be to destroy oneself. As much as I had wanted to do this, I knew I couldn’t. So, I asked Jesus nightly to take my life while I slept so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain of death along with the pain already inside me.

Last night a young man in his twenties came for the first time to our Celebrate Recovery. He came at the start of the dinner hour so I had some time to talk with him. In asking what brought him to our group I heard my own story being told to me by this young man. He had been raped and abused as a child by the son of his church’s worship pastor. This secret was kept within him until just a few years ago when he finally told the pastor and reported it to the police where no action was taken at any point. He then more recently had a nervous breakdown. Last night he told all of this to me.

This morning as I journaled I just couldn’t get this young man off my mind. God reminded me of His healing love and grace I found and that I was 58 when I came to CR. This young man is 28. He has many years of the opportunity for “living in freedom” I didn’t have because I kept mine in secret much longer. I pray HOPE was seen last night for recovery begins when a glimmer of LIGHT called HOPE enters the picture!