I wrote yesterday about being vulnerable. Well, here goes a huge dose of vulnerability I must write out for today as my journey continues. This present time of being awakened to the critical importance of God’s Spirit’s leadership in my life has brought me to an awareness this morning I must share.

I’ve written often of my confusion, yet desire to better understand God’s Holy Spirit. Well, this morning God kindly pointed out something I’m now ready to hear and believe. God’s Spirit is STRENGTH. It is the POWER of God for God is Spirit. What I was awakened to this morning was my own lack of understanding about my spirit. All through my childhood I was told by dad that he needed to kill this spirit of mine. I never understood the meaning of that, but those words did their damage. I believed that spirit was weak and something to hide. (Even though, I treasured it inside of me for it seemed precious).

As I journaled today about wounds that still trigger me, God awoke me to the truth that worship, music, spirit are terms of POWER in His Kingdom. Only in flesh are terms such as muscles, hands, body parts, the proof of strength. As a young man I had come to believe that singing and working with my mind were all I could do. It was my best but still secondary to the primary strengths man is suppose to have. Being labeled “Hazel” as a teen by dad hugely reinforced this.

God wanted me to know today I can let this old, haunting belief go for good. He didn’t make me like dad because He wanted me like me and now I can be freer to do just that–be me committed and surrendered to be used for His Kingdom purposes not thinking this is all I can do. What a freeing message this is for me!