What I’m led to write this morning I have written about several times over the years of this blog. Yet, this journey has brought more and more light–God’s Light into this topic so I will continue with it. The topic is God’s Choice.

By the time I entered college I knew I was a mess and it must be kept a secret. The sexual use I’d lived with for so long and the damaged mindset and spirit I possessed made it difficult to live in a dorm of guys. I was forever on guard wondering what I’d do if someone approached me as my brother had? Because of this I pleaded with God to obliterate all of this recent past from memory so I could live freely. I “knew” that obliterating these memories was the only way for me to live and be clean as I knew others were from having Christ in their lives. However, God never chose to obliterate any of those memories. As a result of this I became very disciplined. I thought this must be what God wanted from me so He’d then grant my wish. I prayed daily and often during the day. I read the Bible each day. I sang every opportunity I was asked and tried to do my best in so doing. But, God’s Choice remained the same. I remembered and the haunt of remembering grew more and more powerful.

As I journaled this morning Jesus was showing me the beauty of discipline knowing one is a new creation. God chose to leave those memories so He could one day use them as tools for Him and me to use together. I wrote for the first time that I am a new creation and being so I can use this discipline in Spirit and Truth rather than in flesh and fear. Oh what a Merciful and Gracious God our Father is!