The men’s retreat weekend seemed to be a wonderful success. It has been several years since I’ve been part of one. There is nothing like seeing men get tuned into Jesus in worship and commitment. I look forward to seeing what all of this develops into.
As I got home there were already half a dozen cars in our yard. We were hosting a graduation party for one of our granddaughters and several were here getting things set up. It was fun and enjoyable to see old friends and make new ones, but by last night when the house was quiet, oh how I thanked Jesus! Then this morning, there is nothing like one’s quiet time with God and God alone. I treasure each and every day.
God is so committed to us–mankind. Of course He is our creator, but in creating us He had a purpose–communion with Him. It took me a long time to know that in my communing with God, He loved me. I didn’t have to prove anything or try to earn something which would be meaningful to Him. Instead, I’ve learned that just as I so love each of my kids and grandkids, He loves us SO MUCH MORE. It can’t be earned, it is already here! Communing with God each morning is a good time to learn and receive this LOVE of our Heavenly Father!
Today is my oldest grandson’s birthday. What a treasure he is to our entire family. I praise God for him! Happy birthday Dante!
Last night’s lesson for Celebrate Recovery was a testimony from a neighboring CR. She used a line in her testimony that I didn’t catch at the time but it was shared twice in small group following. It was then that I was taken by it. The line–“what isn’t shared cannot be healed”. James 5:16 tells us that when we confess one to another we will be healed.
This morning I am leaving with two other young men from church for a men’s retreat. It is the first one we’ve had for several years. I will be part of the worship time as well as a small group leader. I am always a little more timid about sharing my own story with men I know but they aren’t a part of CR. When men come for their own help it’s easy to tell them you needed help. I have that sense of “less than” when I’m nudged to share points of my past to ones I have no idea if they even have a past. Satan always wants to run me through the mill at these times. So, the line used last night hit me squarely as I heard it twice in small group.
This morning Jesus was reminding me that never in my years of sharing my past have I been “judged” by it. Instead, I’ve only heard thanks for it. It was just the reminder I needed to tell Satan that I’m a child of the King and not him. He has to deal with Jesus on this one for I’m sharing what Jesus nudges me to do. How I love our Savior and Lord–Jesus Christ!
Last night’s last session was the final lesson for a step study group of men. We’ve been meeting for about 9 months and so last night was a celebration for them. One of them has been facing a trial from the problems he’d created from his addiction. This is what brought him to Celebrate Recovery almost a year ago. Well, his trial concluded yesterday and he was found not guilty of charges. I’ve never witnessed anyone who has about faced the way he has. He has already become a tremendous witness to the community and several have turned their lives over to Jesus because of his own change.
I will never not be amazed at the way God works! No matter the depth of sin, the years of it in one’s life, God always takes our mess and makes it into His Wonderful Message when we simply give it over to him in trust and obedience. He does the rest! Praise be to GOD!
This amazing God we get to serve is just that–AMAZING! Yesterday, one of the small groups I meet with did the lesson called Wounds and Triggers. It is connected to the curriculum addressing sexual addiction. This category was hugely significant for me as I did it myself for the first time. It is the first of 3 lessons on this topic. One gentleman in the group yesterday told me as he arrived that this lesson brought out the ugliness of his addiction. He said he’d wept the entire time doing the lesson and throughout the week. He said he’d wept driving to the church this morning.
God inspires ones like the author of this material to organize the lessons in such a way that the “students” are brought into a tough/vivid lesson like yesterday’s very carefully. It is the 10th lesson of 17. By this time, this man was ready to face the giants of his addiction. I know this so well. I can’t help but praise God for HIs kind yet thorough ways of getting us to where we can face our past with courage knowing God will and does forgive and purifies such an ugly area of our lives.
There is a man who has been coming for counseling now for several months. His wife of almost 20 years is an abuse victim and he is seeking help for himself in knowing how to deal with its impact on their marriage. In a session a couple weeks ago he named a book she had read about hope. I ordered it and have almost finished it. It is written by a counseling psychologist PhD whose speciality is abuse victims. As I’ve read this book I found myself reliving my own counseling days. The author is superb, and the memories I have are vivid.
As I’ve processed while reading this book, Jesus has pointed out a very real point that I’ve not considered before. First, God’s healing from any issue we might have is always considered a miracle. I prayed for that miracle in my life all of my life. What I hadn’t considered was whose miracle did I want–God’s or mine? It wasn’t until I realized how much greater God’s miracle was than mine that I accepted His with open arms. The thing God has opened my eyes to in the past few days is that His Miracles always have eternal value while we are here on earth.
I wanted my past obliterated from my mind so I could finally live life in peace–that was what my miracle would look like if granted. God wanted to give me peace from the bondage of my past keeping the memories so I could use them for His eternal purposes. He helped me find intimate love for Him right here on earth as I allowed His Miracle to take place for me. My eyes were only focused on my selfish wants while He wanted to grant something so much greater. The greater for me is using this past of mine to help others find their eternal value to God no matter what they bring to the table. WOW, GOD IS SO, SO GOOD!
Yesterday seemed to end well honoring Kathy and our daughters who are moms. Everyone enjoyed the day with lots of laughter, fun and love. There is something most special about Mother’s Day. God sure knew what He was doing (as though He could ever not know) when He created woman to become MOM. Nothing can measure up to what a loving mom can mean to her children.
As I was reading my devotional this morning the theme of it was listening to Jesus. We always hear about the importance of praying to Jesus, praising Him and following Him, but this topic was solely on listening to Him. It’s scriptural reference was Luke 9:35 where Jesus took Peter, James and John to the mountain top where Christ was transformed right before their eyes. It was at this time God spoke to the three disciples telling them that Jesus was His beloved Son and to listen to Him.
Everyday I end my journaling asking Jesus what He wants me to know from Him for the day. Without fail, I hear a message from HIm. Do I always remember this is God’s Beloved Son speaking to me who is KING of kings and LORD of lords? No, I don’t. But today, as I read this devotional message, I went back to what Jesus had spoken to me and took special note of it. Never again do I want to take for granted that Jesus speaks to me. I want to give real reverence to Him and acknowledge each day’s message with critical importance!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! I don’t care if we are a man or a woman, this day is still important for all of us. One of the ladies who comes for counseling told me this day will torment her. She and her daughter are at odds with one another. I have simply prayed God will provide a spark of JOY for her this day. God created Mom’s to be honored by their kids. His command for us is to honor them. Today, be honored MOMs!
In just a couple of hours I will introduce the song I wrote about yesterday. I was awake at 2 am this morning with words flashing through my mind. Finally at 5:00 am I got up and put them on paper. Our worship pastor told me I could have one minute and 15 seconds. They have to track everything due to the streaming. Well, what I wrote is 1:21 as I timed it. Hopefully, I’ll read it just a titch faster when I’m nervous!
Over and over God is emphasizing for me the importance of trusting Him in all things–this morning included. I want this morning to be just a simple example of obedience and trust. So, here we go!
Today as I began my devotional time I opened youtube so I could play worship music. There was a grouping of songs I began to listen to only to find out they were a compilation of individual songs I personally love. I’m unsure how this happens, but it is as though God just assembled them for me this day. He knows technology MUCH BETTER than I ever will!
Tomorrow morning I have a solo in our choir number. The song is NOT ONE WORD. The lyrics emphasize the truth that God’s Word is true and miraculous today as it was when it was first written. It will remain this way until Christ returns. Even more, what hit me is that I can believe it is as real for me as it is for everyone else. There are so many promises in scripture I had wanted to be true for me throughout my life, but I couldn’t find the truth in them at the time. The problem was I was controlling what I wanted the miracle to look like rather than letting God gift the miracle for me. When I finally let go of the control switch so God could do His work, only then did I begin to experience the beauty of God’s miraculous healing.
I asked our choir director last Monday night when we had choir practice if I could have one minute to introduce our song Sunday morning. I want to emphasize once more our need to TRUST GOD and HIS WORD for HE IS TRUSTWORTHY to heal and never harm His kids! Our part–let Him do it His Way!
Have you ever thought through why we hold our problems in instead of letting them be known so we can have help? Our Celebrate Recovery lesson last night was AMENDS. The author of the material makes AMENDS an acrostic. The first letter–A stands for admit your hurts and harm. For some reason last night (even though I’ve heard this lesson no less than 18 times and taught it in step studies at least that many also) I was hit with the “harm” part.
As I began Celebrate Recovery 18 years ago with the help of 6 others, I began to address the hurt of my past. After a year I started the 3.5 years of counseling as well as attending CR. I fully addressed the hurts of my past. I also stepped into the harm with the help of the counselor, but I didn’t fully resolve them. The one “character defect”–harm, I was left with is having gay thoughts. I’ve never acted on them but they do cross my mind. Having these has always made me feel as though I’m like my brother even though I know better. It has been an entry point for evil’s attacks on my identity and value.
I’ve talked about this a few times and even written about it. Last night’s lesson brought home the reality that it is one thing to confess this, it is another thing to bring it before God’s Light so I can be OK with it. We all have these “character defects” in our beliefs we must deal with. Well, this one is mine. My counselor, years back, even asked me in one session if I thought it made me “less than” others? Of course I did! It made me like my brother I said. However, he acted on it for years with me and I’ve never acted on it with anyone. We share a temptation and that’s it.
Today I thank God for helping me see HIs Light in this struggle I’ve dealt with for SO LONG. I can praise God for being so faithful in helping me to never succumb to this. What a blessed God we get to serve!
Today is one of those when I’d like to skip writing this entry. I have things on my mind I don’t want to do but I know I’m suppose to. I suppose we all fall into this at times. When I do I just like to get through them and keep it quiet about how I actually felt ahead of time. I know God isn’t wanting me to regret getting ready for the event. It is a men’s retreat we are having later this month. I was asked to be part of the planning for it months ago. I said I’d be willing to do this, but attending it meant i’d have to skip the sessions I have on Friday and Saturday. I didn’t think that was right. However, in the weeks after I’d said this I was asked to be part of the worship team and to lead a discussion group. I had said to God that I’d be willing to attend if there were a purpose for me in going. So, I’m going and still struggling about it.
As I write this I am choosing to thank God ahead of time that we are finally having a men’s retreat again at our church. It has been way too long since this has taken place. I know its value. Well, doing God’s will isn’t always my first choice but in this case, I know better than to be selfish. I’m going to quit giving thought to “what I have to” and make it “what I get to”. I smile as I write this knowing it is the right thing to do.
Earnie Lewis 