It is truly amazing to me just how much God cares for each one of us–including myself. The depth of intimacy He has in His love is well beyond what my flesh can absorb. I had a client yesterday who has been in a relationship now for a year. It is a healthy one and he is pondering what love is and if he is in love? He knows he doesn’t want to live out his life without her, but he is truly caught in the mystic of love. We brought into the picture what elements were included in his broad statement of not wanting to live out his life without her and that got him started. All of this had me reflecting on this topic of love.
My first marriage of 7 years taught me about commitment, and it taught me about deception. It wasn’t until I met my wife of today that I began to recognize what love is truly like. Kathy has taught me how to feel loved and how to give it. God’s love isn’t earned and neither is man’s love. Love inspires one to give, but love is an act of our heart. It is inspired within our spirit. I’ve lived a long time with this confusion, but God is making it so much clearer these days.
I still am learning about “I am worthy”, but what is clear is that I am worthy not from my actions, I am worthy because of God’s Love. He has shown this to you and me most vividly through giving us Jesus Christ. No greater demonstration of love exists. How grateful I am!
It has been over a month since my last entry. I knew at the time I was to discontinue writing. Today I have a reason why. God had been telling me to learn of His Holy Spirit’s presence in me and His significance. He wanted to take the mystery of Spirit I had and turn it into a much fuller understanding.
About three weeks ago I had gone to see my prayer warrior Lois. At the end of our time she asked me how my worthiness was doing? It caught me off guard and I simply said it was fine until someone asked. This very item has always been a stumbling block for me. I just couldn’t quite jump the hurdle of worthiness to own it knowing the ugliness of all my early years of sexual, physical and verbal abuse. So, Lois said I was to take a post-it note when I got home, write I am worthy on it and place it in my journal so each morning as I started my day I would be reminded of this. As soon as I got home I did this, but I could not just have those three words on it. I needed to write I am worthy because of Jesus in me. That first morning as I journaled I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for this day as I’ve always done for many years now. His reply was that as long as I continued to question my worthiness I was equally questioning His ability to make me worthy. That made me awaken to something I never wanted to do. I sure didn’t want to question Christ’s ability!
Last weekend I went to a conference in Seattle where I met the author of Every Man a Pure Warrior. He is the one who introduced me to the importance of awakening my spirit through worship music as I did my morning devotions. His talk at the conference challenged me like never before to finally believe once and for all that Christ is completely capable of cleansing any sinfulness done to you or you yourself have done. When I began my journaling two days ago I had to take the original post-it note and throw it away. This time I did just as Lois told me to do–I wrote–I am worthy–on it.
Today God said to write a blog message of this. There is nothing, no nothing that Christ is unwilling to cleanse and make pure for His Gift–The Holy Spirit to now reside in and this includes you and me. I will forever continue to proclaim this truth!
Living the life of an heir rather than an error.
Earnie Lewis 