I have not written much for the past several days but that doesn’t mean anything other than I’ve not written. God has been very busy in my life and it all came to a head this morning during my devotional time. Two key things have happened of late for me. The podcast I posted a few days ago is one and the other is turning over the leadership of our counseling ministry to a new member of our team. Both of these things are being done because I knew God was leading me to do so. However, I have been in knots from doing this for whatever reason. Kathy asked me the other day why I’d been so quiet for a couple of weeks? I didn’t even know I was so quiet.

As I began my journaling this morning I thanked Jesus for this day and took time to surrender the day to Him and His Holy Spirit in me. The counseling team has a meeting this afternoon with the media man for our church. He is interviewing us in order to promote the ministry later in the month on a Sunday morning. It is the last “leadership” detail I’ll do. Yesterday the gentleman taking over the lead was set up to receive intakes, etc. Today I’ll be removed from those details.

As I journaled this morning I told Jesus that my little self was feeling like his last important detail to man is gone. It doesn’t matter that I still have 26 counseling sessions each week. It was the leadership that “made him important–needed”. That was his attempt to be valuable. In journaling this I was nudged to do what I haven’t done in a few years. I put my pen in my non-dominate hand and let my other half speak to me. (This therapy technique goes back to my personal counseling days). He wrote: Earnie, am I ok with you? Do I need to lead for you to like me? I am you. Can you be ok knowing you are now a participant only? Leadership gave you a value to man–not so to God. He loves who he created in the first place. Your (our) spirit has been severely troubled because of all this. Now that this is out in the open, lets let it go and be happy with God being who He created us to be so long ago.

As all of this came out into the open I was flooded with relief and like a cleansing. I wept for many minutes. For the first time I felt like I truly am ok and that God is ok with me. My spirit is healed and no longer troubled. My dad use to tell me he needed to kill that spirit of mine. I never understood that statement, but this morning my spirit is restored and at peace! Thank you Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit!