Earlier this week I wrote about my need to release my zeal to complete a work I wasn’t intended to complete. My timing and God’s timing were not aligning. I needed to realize that my efforts were a hindrance rather than a help. So, on Tuesday of this week I gave it all back to Jesus confessing my willfulness. I actually lived Tuesday in a peacefulness I hadn’t had for a couple of weeks. Then came Wednesday.
Wednesday morning I got a text from a co-leader in our Celebrate Recovery group. She was asking if I’d ever had a response from our friend. She was praying for this to happen. I told her I hadn’t and it was just sad. Because of her text I opened my Monday text to my friend to see that this text had been “read” and not just delivered. So I wrote three words to him in a text: “Are you interested?” Within 10 minutes my cell rang and it was him. We talked for 30 minutes and he just couldn’t express enough how much he wanted to take this offer. Wednesday night we talked even more and the steps are now being taken to have all of this come together.
I write this today in sheer thansgiving for the way God works. For two weeks I had wanted to take God’s original nudge to help this friend and make it a fun moment of letting him know how much he was loved and show this by all the details that had been already put together. All he needed to do was accept it. Problem: it looked too much like me. God wanted me to back away so He became the sole giver of HELP. I was a helper and was to be just that. Today I rejoice in learning another lesson from my Savior, Lord, TEACHER and dearest friend!
Today I am nudged to add a post to my journey’s blog. I went to bed last night discouraged and asked Jesus to help me understand what is behind it. There have been times of disappointment in my life, but this present sadness wanted to linger. Quite early this morning I awoke to hearing a message. This is what I want to pass along to any reader:
Two weeks ago last Sunday I received a phone message from a gal who use to live here. She and her husband were part of our Celebrate Recovery. She had found recovery and over time her husband did too. They were deeply involved in the leadership and helped many people throughout their time with us. They moved away to be closer to their own two kids who were married and one had their first grandchild. The husband, being back in his old turf, had returned over time to his old addictive habits. He was now living alone having been asked to leave and to find sobriety. This is what I heard from the phone call. I reached out to him and got one long text from him. We set a time for a phone call which never took place. He just wouldn’t answer. This man had become a dear friend and I didn’t want to give up on what I “knew” God wanted me to do. After two weeks it became obvious my plan wasn’t going to materialize. I was so sad “knowing it was the path to this man’s restoration”.
As I awoke this morning, I heard Jesus voice telling me to let Him take this. I had quickly taken the plan and made it my purpose. I didn’t intend to overstep my bounds, but I do get overly eager when things like this occur. I know God’s timing is often not mine and I also know to let Him have His way. (I was overly wanting my way for this). As I journaled this morning I needed to confess and regroup. My trust is restored and regrounded in Christ alone. Satan tried to take this disappointment and tie it to all the disappointing times of my earlier years when my trust was almost gone. Well, he is once again the deceiver and Christ is Victorious!
It has been almost month since I’ve written a new entry inthis journey of mine. Today I needed to address what God has been doing to enlighten me in steps He’s wanting me to take. This all started when I began to work on lesson 4 of Celebrate Recovery (CR). I am teaching this lesson tonight and it is called: SANITY.
In Celebrate Recovery we have the 12 steps of AA. John Baker, author of Celebrate Recovery took these steps and added supportive scriptures to each step. Along with this he added the 8 Principles which are derived from the Beautitudes. Tonight’s lesson is prinicple 2 and step 2. Prinicple 2 says: Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover. I’ve taught this lesson about 6 times before tonight but the highlighted portions of this principle were screaming at me this time.
I lived 60+ years in denial (insanity) that I mattered to God. I was attempting to earn that “matter” trying to do “good works” for Him. In all of those years not once did anything I did measure up to what mattered. In those 3+ years of therapy coupled with CR, I began to hack away at the truth I hadn’t faced. This truth is that I already mattered to God. The abuse of man in my childhood didn’t impact for one moment how God felt towards me. He saw Jesus–His Son in me and He had given me His Holy Spirit which was waiting to be POWER to overcome all of my disbeliefs–character defects–hang-ups.
Tonight I hope to convey in this lesson that God wants to empower each one of us to not only know what this lesson teaches, but to believe it is real for them as I’ve learned for me. Stepping into believing is a monumental step for some of us and God’s Holy Spirit wants to be the power we use to complete this step!
Living the life of an heir rather than an error.
Earnie Lewis 