As I began my worship time this morning while journaling I was compelled to write out my thanks to Jesus. As I was doing so I began to realize something I’d never given thought to. My childhood and my early adult years were ones that started with abuse and then the next 10 years were hiding within the shell of a man who was shackled from it. However, at the age of 31 I was introduced to my wife Kathy and at that point in time my life began to turn around. With Kathy I was introduced to a home filled with honesty, vulnerability that wasn’t threatening and intimacy.

In the next 42 years God has abundantly blessed me. Our children and grandchildren all know God and love Him. I have lived more years finding freedom and living in this freedom than I ever lived in the bondage of my past. Yes, breaking free from that bondage was no easy task, but I learned deeply the support system I have and how to trust in them. Those years often felt like torment, but there was a LIGHT at the end of a tunnel which I could see with Hope. God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit are at the top of this Thanksgiving list, but Kathy is the one who has faithfully shown me what trust looks like that doesn’t let fear dominate it. I needed that!

As I step into this Thanksgiving week, I do so with immense gratitude. God has never left my side and I never want to leave His. I simply want to be a good, humble and faithful servant for Him!

Obedience. This word has been on my mind for years now and particularly the present. As a child I grew to dislike it immensely. When my dad would be out of control with his anger and would take it out on us with his beatings I knew I was to do what he told me, but I despised doing so. As I got into my teen years and tried to talk to my mom about dad’s ways, she would just say that I need to do what he says. And, that would be what I’d do, but deep inside me was a growing resentment.

Doing what one is suppose to do, in most cases, is not difficult because it coincides with one’s own motivation to do well in life. As I am working with more and more couples I find that so often individuals in a marriage have grown in a selfish manner of living. It usually isn’t on purpose, we just grown into a selfish pattern of what we’d call comfortable. In so doing, our mate grows increasingly uncomfortable for their desires are left unattended. What I find sad and difficult is helping a couple see their part. Yes, they will admit this, but taking action to “change” their ways (old habits which they like) is usually a point of contention. One begins to rationalize why the change isn’t really that necessary.

In our flesh we are truly a selfish being. Obedience, doing the right thing for the right reasons, shouldn’t be so tough. But, it is one of the tougher items I see. Then, when I put it in light of following Jesus and living fully for Him, I find myself often struggling with obedience. “That can wait can’t it?” “Oh Jesus, not today, please?” Things like this come up and then I have to realize my own flesh is still just as alive as it ever has been. However, stepping into disobedience is never going to profit any walk with God or any marital growth. So, daily committing to obedience is on the priority list!

Yesterday morning I met with a lady who has begun to give monthly helping a single mom meet her financial needs. This lady said she was once in that same situation and knows how stressful and hurtful that time is. I don’t recall if I wrote about this a month ago when it started. The lady had a dream which she told to her brother and he told her to talk to me. As I heard the dream I thought about this young mom and her four kids who come for counsel. It is a beautiful thing what God has done with this situation.

I write this message above because as my morning started and I was journaling, I began to lament the crises I had worked with yesterday. It is my longest day and it had a good deal of difficulty. I had momentarily forgotten about how wonderful the day had begun. However, as I began to write this blog, immediately I was reminded of what I wrote in the first paragraph. It brought me back to reality with God. This young mom was a desperate young lady when she first came. God miraculously brought a person into her life through a dream. I don’t know how God is going to help these difficult situations others are facing, but what I do know is that their answer/s will be from God too. God is always the answer and how He completes His Work in our lives is always amazing. I know this for a fact!

What I want to say/write right now is–THANK YOU GOD!

Yesterday was a day to celebrate all the way around. My nephew’s transplant went smoothly and my brother’s prostate cancer is contained and easily treatable. Praise God! The other thing that took place yesterday was a conversation I needed to have a with a person that I knew would find it troubling, but it was necessary. It went very well and God was in it all the way. I had delayed this for a few days to find Christ’s confirmation that I should do this rather than reacting from my own self-will. By yesterday I had that confirmation to move forward.

There is something I’m seeing as I work with couples in counseling. This is the need for the couple to be a team in their marriage. I had a husband ask me yesterday to make sense of how women are wired differently than men as each approaches life. This couple has been married 34 years and deeply involved in church life, but their marriage is simply living in the same house. The wife has been coming for several months and her husband has come for three weeks. He’s a very friendly person and very self-assured in the flesh. As I pointed out his wife’s spirit-connection and how this could benefit him being far more aware of his dealing with people, he got very quiet for he hurts those closest to him without any awareness and this includes his wife and children. We will spend more time here, but the importance of God completing man with woman is often lost in man’s flesh. That softer, kinder approach that God uses with us is best known in our wives and it isn’t found in us men if we don’t team with our wife or with a woman we trust deeply when we are single.

The journey continues!

This morning has a great deal taking place in it. First and foremost, my nephew is having a t-cell transplant this morning in Seattle. This is his third transplant using his own t-cells harvested several years ago. The research has improved the process significantly so doctors believe this time might be a real cure. He has a rare bone cancer disease which we all know would have taken his life, but God wants him here at this point in his life. His life is a testimony to God’s Amazing Ways. My younger brother has prostate cancer and today he finds out if it has spread beyond the prostate. This is another major prayer.

My devotional message today brings out a point I wish weren’t true. When we are involved in doing God’s business, we will be attacked and attacked and attacked. It is so easy to tell this to someone when it is obvious this is taking place for them. But, when it is significantly true for oneself, it is not so easy. First, I hate admitting this is happening for me because it almost always attacks me in the sexual arena. The attacks want to feed the message that the old self is still who I am. Yes, I am born again, but what does that really mean except God will take me to heaven. I know the truth of these torments and I also know that confessing them is the right thing to do so that’s part of the reason for writing this now. The other reason is that I know I’m not alone in this. Satan is so deceptive and just plain mean in his ways to deter us from God’s Kingdom work.

With all this now written, I’m ready for today. I know God’s Holy Spirit is within me and I have given myself to Him and will continue to do so throughout this day. I also know God is working with the team of doctors for my nephew and with my brother. The journey continues!

There are so many things going through my mind this morning with one overriding one–How do we ever get to the place where our spirit is fully led by God’s Holy Spirit? When we had our meeting last Saturday morning regarding that lesson on Aggressive Worship, I made the statement to the others that for me it would seem to start as a discipline and hopefully move into a practice. Well, that seemed to sound good, but having the patience to wait for the practice–that’s a whole different thing. Of course, this reality of living fully in conscious spirit–God’s Holy Spirit, seems more like a miracle if it were to take place. I have a meeting with our pastor tomorrow morning and am going to talk this over with him.

As my journey continues I can see that my tormenting past no longer haunts me as it did. What torments me today is still being a man of flesh where flesh is always in conflict with God’s Spirit. You just want to be selfish for a little while! As I write this truth for me I really don’t want to be selfish, but when urges hit, they want to supercede anything else. In a counseling session I would tell anyone talking about this that they need to forgive oneself for being human. That’s easier said than done! And, now as I conclude today’s entry, it is why this journey does continue for me. I’m not done with the lessons God has for me to learn.

The week is coming to an end and this morning I will have the last counseling session re-engaging each one since returning from our trip. I’m always amazed at the way my mind/emotions want to make all of this much greater than it is. As I sat down this morning I put each session on paper just to see how many are in a week. My emotions were acting like I was on the verge of too many. Yet, when I simply outlined each one I am right in the comfort zone. All of this just showed me again what my mind and emotions do if I don’t keep Christ Jesus right in the forefront of my day and keep Him there throughout the day. I am starting 5 new sessions which was a trigger to “panic”. Yet, these 5 were simply replacing ones who were finished. I keep thinking this behavior of mine will disappear with my “old age”. Yet, it is just as alive today in me as it was when I became a new principal at the age of 29. I’m sure glad God doesn’t see this as a roadblock to moving forward. He just shows it to me and helps me work through it, surrendering it, and move forward with Him.

How I love this Father of mine and yours!

Every since I was asked to start the counseling program at our church I’ve relied on an individual who is a retired christian counselor I deeply respect. She joined the team and has been my “go to” every since. As I went to her last night at our Celebrate Recovery dinner time and asked for some guidance in a new case I’m counseling this morning, I was told she would be leaving us in the near future due to some personal reasons. She is willing to continue assisting as I come up against deep issues and need her advice.

Until last night I had no idea how much my confidence depended on her proximity. As I brought all of this to Jesus this morning I was reminded just what He has been speaking to me about all this week–TRUST. In the past couple of years I’ve learned to trust Jesus in ways I never had before. Just taking on the assignment of starting a counseling ministry and getting myself prepared to participate as a counselor was a huge step. However, that wasn’t all Jesus had in mind. He wants me to learn what the depth of trust looks like. What I’m finding is that no matter how ugly the issue, He is always the answer. Finding the confidence in Christ as Healer is great. But, keeping myself in the role of facilitator trusting Jesus’ Holy Spirit to bring out the right words at the right time (using me), well, it is one client at a time. I keep fearing I will be incompetent (looking only at me) rather than looking to Jesus and trusting Jesus in each situation.

I couldn’t sleep past 3:50 am this morning. I’ve needed to spend this time talking to God and listening to Him only to find His assurance that He never leaves and is always present and leading. I can fully trust Him and be assured of this. In the 2+ years of now working with the counseling I’ve known this to be true. Today, and this day forward, He wants me to rest in this assurance, not anguish in it. So, OK, I’m stepping into this day with a greater/deeper assurance! I will PRAISE Him instead of anguish in fear.