Yesterday was a nice Mother’s Day for Kathy. We did have a houseful but Kathy had little responsibility which made the day less taxing for her. No one stayed too long either which allowed her to rest following the get-together. God is GOOD!

As I was journaling this morning I was lamenting about my sinfulness. I know we all have sin nature. There is no getting around this. As I finished my lament and asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for today, I heard this: “My sins, Oh the bliss of this glorious thought. My sins not in part but the whole, are nailed to the Cross and I bear them no more. Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, Oh my soul!” (3rd verse of the hymn, “It Is Well”). He went on to remind me of the picture I saw in my mind several years ago when I had heard my young self’s voice while in therapy. As I journaled the day following this event I was thanking Jesus for letting me hear “little Earnie’s voice and laughter”. At that point I saw this little guy standing on a dirt path leading away from a green pasture with a barbed wire fence between it and me. This morning Christ let me know that I am to let go of thinking my sinfulness is still attached to that past of mine. It is a nature we all contend with. He has brought me full circle and I am now at the green pasture of freedom which has no barbed fence I must climb over or cut through. The pasture is there for me to walk into. He called it FREEDOM.

It is amazing to me that I can know something for so long and still not believe it fully. I love Jesus and how thorough He is in helping us one day at a time to become more and more free to live for Him fully without bondage. How I LOVE HIM!

Happy Mother’s Day! My mom was a woman of silent strength. I don’t care how strong dad was in the flesh, it was the inner strength of mom that sustained all of us kids and modeled for us how to withstand under the pressures of living. I will always love mom for this.

My continued growth is not ending. Today Jesus was telling me it is time for me to stop questioning the strength of His and my spirit within me. The only way we can fully overcome the power of the flesh is surrendering the flesh, but, after that, one has to find strength to replace it. That strength is found when we quit fighting using our mental strength and listen closely to the voice of our spirit which is called intuition. Our spirit is housed in God’s Holy Spirit. He is the Strength of God Himself. But, His Voice is tender so that we have to choose to listen. Disciplining myself to listen closely throughout the day and following the message given is critical.

I’m good at doing this as the day begins and I want to continue growing in my listening as the day continues. I suppose I’m better than I use to be for Jesus has been working with me on this for quite some time. As I write this I also suppose I’ll be working on this the rest of my days of flesh. Irregardless, I never want to stop growing in my walk with God and growing in my trusting Him completely in every aspect of every day!

Yesterday was a remarkably good day. The garden is all planted, weeds are sprayed, watering is done, 25 extra tomato plants all have homes, and the counseling session went well. No matter how much I fret it never helps, yet I do it and then wish I could get rid of fretting once and for all. Must be part of my flesh!

I was journaling this morning and thanking God for His abundant blessings and I got to my weaknesses. When I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know from Him for today He reminded me to not only hear His Voice, but to obey it. I have this written at the top of my prayer list, but during the day it is easily forgotten. I might hear a nudge, but it is so easy to forego it and do what I want. I stopped journaling His message to me and responded to it but He nudged me to listen more. He went on to say He has work for me to do and He wants me to share His abundant Grace with others just as He has given to me. When I heard this I knew why He hadn’t wanted me to stop listening when I was about to.

So many folks say they don’t know how to hear God’s Voice. For me, it was more about believing God would speak to someone like me so even though I would sense a nudge I’d ignore it. Helping others not only believe they are spoken to by God, but also obeying His message is critical to understanding His Mercy and Grace. So many of His messages are assurances of His Love as well as steps He wants us to take or to not take. It just starts with believing He speaks.

By the end of today the entire garden should be planted with the exception of the later plantings of corn. I’m sure any reader is glad to know this!

It was really good to be back to Celebrate Recovery last night and reconnect with the folks there. Last week I was told we had an individual who gave their heart to God at the end of the evening. Another man who had come for his first time came again last night. His story is sad, but he is wanting to turn his actions around and save his marriage. I do love witnessing these times. God is faithful and true all the time. Later today I meet with one of the young men I counsel. He has had some tremendous breakthroughs in the past two weeks we’ve been gone. I’m eager to hear what is transpiring in his life.

I am certainly far from being totally free of my past. I suppose there will always be some lingering issues that Satan will try to use against me. But, I say for sure, God is faithful and true, He will be the one to stand up to this enemy of yours and mine. How I love our Heavenly Father!

Well, yesterday is gone and I didn’t get to my blog to make an entry. My apologies. We left quite early yesterday morning from OKC and got home without a hitch. The weather here was rainy last weekend so the lawn didn’t get mowed by my son-in-law so I got right onto it when I was unpacked. My grandson had done a marvelous job keeping everything watered for me. The yard was in great shape. Now that we are back and everything is good I wonder why I struggled so much to be gone 2 weeks? It is a good learning experience for grandpa! I can trust even my yard in springtime to the care of a grandson.

Getting back into the routine of home is going to take a day or two. I can’t even keep straight in my head which day it is. It feels like a weekend but it sure isn’t. I know that living out the day will take care of this. I want to write a moment on our last day in OK. My ex was staying until today so I had a longer opportunity to talk with her about her own recovery and facing her past. So much of her childhood was riddled with abuse as with my own. Hers was by her grandpa. Even though her mom was aware because her own abuse, she never stepped in to protect or even talk for the sake of her only child. (So common with abuse victims). I told her about the 3-R’s (recognize, reject and replace) from the book, I Give You Authority . She is ordering it.

It is amazing to me to see all of this taking place. My ex and I married 52 years ago and now 45 years later, she is getting her own help. God just never quits giving us the freedom He had intended for us to have all along. We just need to face the past with His help and with the help of faithful friends He brings into our lives. How good our Father is!

Something that has become vividly apparent to me on this trip has been the power of Satan’s deception over God’s children. Let me give some background to this. Throughout my childhood I was never honored for being the person created in my mother’s womb. Instead, I was criticized and teased for being tender hearted, a sissy, and then given the name Hazel during my high school years. People who didn’t believe any of this about me didn’t counter any of it or confront it when it was happening. Along with this, being used by a homosexual brother only intensified the beliefs Satan wanted me to believe.

Today I see this pattern of beliefs and behaviors in most, if not all, of the people I counsel. I also see it in family members. No matter who it is, I want to confront the deception Satan has planted in them so the truth of the scripture in Psalms 139:14 that tells us we are “fearfully and wonderfully made and WE CAN KNOW THIS FULL WELL!” starts to take root replacing the lies of Satan. All I can say for me was that I read it and heard it but knowing it full well was far from my belief system until very recent years. Now that I do know it I am driven to never let someone walk away thinking it isn’t true for them. We just need to face the power of deception and confront it with the POWER of truth in God’s Word!

I know for a fact how difficult it is to face all of this, but I also know the freedom and peace God has for each of us when we do allow ourselves to face this and admit it to God, to ourselves and to someone we trust as James 5:16 tells us to do. The prayers of a righteous friend are powerful and effective we are told. We just have to do our part. I never want to stop encouraging ones in this bondage to do our part for God never wants us bound in these lies of deception.

GOD IS SO GOOD and faithful to carry out what His Word promises!

I was going to skip today, but I finally got to a place where I can sit and write. Kathy and I left yesterday after church to drive to Fort Worth, TX where a granddaughter and her boyfriend have recently moved. Since we were this close we decided to rent a car over night and see them. We wanted to give them some encouragement. It turned out to be a great decision. They are doing well and the decision to move there has been a good one.

We got back to OKC and returned the car with our son in law picking us up. We head home early Wednesday morning so we are on the homeward stretch. God has been so good while we are here. I just can’t thank Him enough for His GOODNESS!

Well, we are back home to the kid’s place in OK City. What a wonderful weekend celebrating our daughter’s completion of Masters of Divinity.

On a very different note, there is something else that has surfaced during the past few days which my mind and emotions are whirling around and I’m trying to find where Jesus is in the midst of it. My first wife’s second husband is here for this celebration. He and I have been friendly for many years. My ex divorced him about 10 years ago. For whatever reason he began to open up to me about his marriage and the struggles they had which mirrored my own. The two kids were brought into the picture also by him. He himself is a retired teacher with a Masters in counseling. Along with this, my ex and I talked a good deal about her now attending a Celebrate Recovery where she now lives in Nashville. This conversation went deeply into her past as she is at the point in a step study of writing her inventory.

Having these conversations has triggered an immense amount of past issues I’ve primarily left alone. In all of my counseling I needed to address issues before all of this time. I actually saw my divorce as something I deserved for I allowed my first wife to marry me with her not knowing “the beast” I thought I must be. Today as I journaled about all of this and asked Jesus what He wanted me to know, He simply told me He is the Great Healer and now I can find healing in this arena. I can also see all of this time as the man He created me to be rather than the man who was the victim I was at that time so long ago. I’m not done with all of this, but I’m now ready to do this. To God be the Glory!

Today the graduation takes place. Yesterday’s chapel service and social time was a real treat. Amber was honored as were many others of the graduates. I have no idea what God is going to do with this latest work He has had her complete, but it will be a joy to watch and experience it as her dad.

Today is the birthday for my grandson-in-law to be. He is with us so we will have a little celebration for him during this day. He is a great addition to our family.

It is so nice to have this quiet morning to reflect on God’s love for us. I don’t care what our lives have had in them, if we will just give all of it over to God and let Him use it for His Kingdom Work, we will be able to rejoice and be glad in it. This is not an easy task, but it is so worth it! Lets let God have His Way with us!

Today we head to Kansas City, MO. We have reached the actual reason for coming to be with our kids in OK City. I asked Amber last night if this was something to get through or if it is an event she is truly looking forward to? She said she is truly looking forward to it. All of her work in the classes has been online. Once a year they had to go to Kansas City for a week where she would see the others in her cohort and see the profs face to face. Other than that, it has been an “on the screen” experience. So, getting to be physically with the peers and the profs for a moment in time will be very rewarding. I am looking forward to this. Tonight is the chapel service and a social gathering time. Tomorrow will be the actual graduation.

Last Sunday a video clip supporting Celebrate Recovery in our church was played for the congregation. It had been an interview with myself and one other in leadership as well as a picture of the “willing group members” to be posted in the video. Kathy and I are here in OK City so I didn’t see it other than seeing it online from the church website. I’ve had a few folks send thankful messages for this ministry. Yesterday I had a call from a gentleman who was going to come last night for the first time. I pray this call represents many who will take the first brave step to come and address what has been holding them in bondage.

God is so GOOD! No chains can hold us bondage if we will only take the step and surrender them to the ONE and only TRUE GOD! Praise God from Whom ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!