Yesterday truly was a nice day. My grandson came in the afternoon and we walked through what needs to be done as we talked about his own next steps as he is stepping into his adult years ahead. My confession of yesterday still wants to linger but I am putting my faith and trust to work. In fact, my devotional message this morning was to thank God for the needs we have. It is our needs which bring us closer to Jesus and to rely on Him. Once again God’s perfect timing is seen. I would never have thought to thank Him for creating me to have these needs I expressed yesterday. However, they, along with other needs I’ve expressed in former posts do bring me to my knees before Jesus.

As I was praying through my prayer list this morning and was praying over my own family the words of the hymn, I Need Thee were singing through my own spirit. “I need Thee, oh I need Thee, every hour I need Thee….” The frailties of my flesh lead me to the Cross. In past I’ve confessed them to Jesus. Today, I not only confessed them but I thanked God for giving them to me so I stay on my knees before Jesus. What a magnificent Triune God we get to serve: God the Father, Jesus our Savior and Lord, and God’s Holy Spirit Who resides within each of us who believe.

There are times when I just don’t like who I am. This is one of those times. For us to be gone for two weeks in the prime of spring weighs on me like I would never have thought. I hate admitting this, but it is true. I keep being reminded that I am to do what I am to do and then let TRUST fill in the two week gap. I have a grandson who is very capable of taking care of things staying right here. In fact, he is coming today so I can walk him through the chores. He is even excited to do this. I just haven’t ever turned this amount of time over to someone else this time of year and I have never wanted to do this either. Yet, the reason for it far outweighs this angst I have.

I was reminded this morning of the 3-R’s: recognize, reject and replace this angst with truth. My grandson is very capable and wants to do this. I actually need to experience this so I practice the trust I talk to others about. God is faithful and doesn’t want me living in this doubt. So, in this confession, I place my trust that all will be well when we return on May 8. If for some reason it is not just as I would have had it, it would take just a couple of days to get things caught up. I write this and realize once again how human I am. But, God loves me anyway and I’m so grateful for Him!

I wrote yesterday about the importance of reflection. During the day yesterday I had three different things brought to my attention which are present struggles. The struggles are bringing about divisions in friendships and family. As I went to bed last night all I could do was to give them over to Jesus. I was lost in the drama of the moment.

This morning as I journaled, read my devotional, read my bible and then prayed, I found myself encouraged that it is God alone who leads the steps for each one of His children. I am to do my part as I’m nudged by the Holy Spirit. It is then, when the Holy Spirit is speaking, that I will know what I’m to do and or say. I can trust this about God, His Son and His Holy Spirit. I was also reminded during this time that these crisis moments we all experience will become tools of growth for each of us as we reflect on them. God never wastes a hurt, hang-up or a habit as I’ve learned from my participation in Celebrate Recovery. I just need to allow Him into the crisis, the hidden habit, the wrongful thinking or the hurt that stings/paralyzes every time one goes there. God wants to grow His kids and I want to be a good student as well as a good steward of this learning as God’s Spirit nudges.

A critical element at these moments is to remember one is not alone in whatever it is. I didn’t know this for much of my life and then when I did I didn’t think I should bring God into it. It was too ugly. But, I found that God doesn’t see it as something to hide, He sees it as something to reframe within me and then use it for His own GLORY when it no longer is rooted into my being! Wow, He is so AMAZING!

As today begins all I want to do is reflect for longer than a moment. It is good to reflect so we can celebrate what God has been doing with us and with those we know. We can also reflect on what God is doing that we trust but cannot see knowing this is just what God is and does. Right now, more importantly, I want to reflect on learning from what God is doing. There are a number of folks coming for help who want things to change in their lives. But, just as I’ve had to learn and am still learning, we want things to change to fit “how we want things to look or be”. In truth, God wants us to get to the place where we finally see that it is He who wants things to change to be like He intended, not how I or we intended.

It is in reflecting that I can see clearly how God uses every sin committed, every mistake, every wrong thinking, EVERYTHING to teach each one of us a better way to live. In our flesh we think we know how things ought to be in order to have a healthy life. It is very painful to surrender all we thought was “right” in order to have God show us just what right looks like for Him. Learning to live patiently and in complete trust is a lifetime commitment. I’m still in the midst of this learning. The big step right now is taking the time to reflect long enough to see and appreciate what God is doing when it is quite different than I’d wanted, anticipated, or expected. Along with this, trusting that what is happening is in His plan.

In all things God wants the outcome to look like Him and turn people’s eyes to Him. “…I believe help thou my unbelief. I walk into the unknown trusting all the while.”

In a counseling session with a young man yesterday I asked him if he has a friend who doesn’t need him? He is a very kind and caring person who has a knack for seeing people’s needs and befriends them. When I asked him this question he was silent for a longer than usual period of time. When he looked up at me he said, “I guess not.”

I had approached this subject with him because I saw my younger self in him. All through my childhood years through high school I made it my practice to befriend the underdog. For me they were safe and “I could help them”. I knew everyone fairly well in my small class, but only called “these few” my friends. In my senior year of high school two guys began to always sit on each side of me in choir. They were great students and greatly involved in sports and leadership. Yet, they chose to sit on each side of me each day. At one point they told me they wanted to learn from me. I was overwhelmed with this. That night as I lay in bed I quietly sobbed. I’d never felt value before from a peer and all I could do was weep with joy at the feeling this gave me.

I shared this story with the young man and challenged him to let himself be a friend to someone who doesn’t need him, but just wants to be his friend. It is great to help those in need, but when we do it for value’s sake, it puts a different meaning behind it. God has already created us with value and purpose. I lived a long time before I knew this. It is a joy to help others find this for themselves.

Today is one of those days which will always stand out in my mind and heart. First, it was my oldest sis’s birthday. But, along with that, it is the day of Kathy and my blind date 42 years ago. I was a nervous wreck that entire day trying to figure out how I would get through the evening with this cowgirl when I was this broken farmer boy. Now, all these years later I just smile and sometimes laugh (and sometimes shed tears) at what God has done since that momentous evening. Reliving, reflecting upon this life God has given me with Kathy is nothing less than a marvelous GIFT! I thank God daily for her!

Yesterday, and each Tuesday, I see 5 individuals and 1 couple. I needed to tell them that I won’t be able to see them for 3 weeks due to our trip next week to Oklahoma visiting our daughter and her family there. Each of the sessions went well with 3 of them having some real lights click on to realities needing to be seen. As I was reflecting on this last night knowing from my own past counseling needs, I asked God to use this time to keep His Light shining into a darkness which is new revealed. It is so easy for one to step out of a session and push what happened in it into the “closet” where I won’t touch it until next session. It is painful to walk out of past darkness into God’s Light at times. Yet, how well I know the freedom which awaits.

God is so amazing and what a gift He has given allowing me to use my past to help someone else address their own.

Yesterday was a stay at home day and I needed to get a host of things done in the yard. None of these things would be important to most, but to any gardener, they are a must. I also was needing to take advantage of the early morning time to get some counseling materials prepared for this week’s sessions. Well, as the day went on, instead of me being in overdrive, all went as smoothly as if God were in control! I write this and just smile. I had asked God to please remove this anxious heart of mine and help me get done what is needed. He not only did that, but there were other little things I hadn’t even thought about which also got done. I’ll say it again–GOD IS AMAZING AND SO KIND!

Being gone for a couple of weeks this time of year is the driver of this anxiousness that keeps arising within me. My 20 year old grandson is staying at our house and will tend to all of the details needing attention this time of year. He is even looking forward to it he says. He will come out Sunday of this week and I’ll walk him through all that is needing to be done for the two weeks. (A whole different side of me seems to be erupting that I’m not enjoying having to admit). I surrender this as I did yesterday morning and then I need to do it again just writing this as it wants to surface.

Well, there’s no depth of message in this blog. It’s much more of a confession of me. No matter–what is important is that I (we) have this Savior and Lord who wants to replace all of this with His Peace. All these little things I stew about will come together and that I know (I just have to remind myself to believe it!)

Yesterday was the birthday for one of my granddaughters. She had turned 17. Her mom, my oldest, had asked 17 family members and friends to write a letter to her. These were put into a small wooden treasure chest and given to her at the party. As soon as she opened the chest she teared up and said, “I’ll need to read these later.” That was the highlight of her entire party for grandpa. I love seeing the sentimental side of people. It shows their heart.

A couple weeks ago I had met with my prayer warrior. I’m sure I wrote about it at that time. When I was ready to leave she asked if I’d look for a couple different flowers for her. She is no longer driving. I’d told her I’d be shopping for all the plants I buy for my deck pots. I had found the plants and so yesterday after church I dropped them off to her. She told me several times in a matter of 20 minutes how I had made her day! She also said we have so much in common with a love for plants being right there at the top. This made my heart smile. I love having her as my 2nd mom!

It is always amazing and so touching the way God fills voids in our lives. When my mom passed I had such a huge hole in my life I didn’t think would ever be filled until I could see her in heaven. There were so many things I needed to talk to her about and get her wisdom regarding them. But, all of a sudden she was gone. Today I’ve talked to my 2nd mom Lois about all of them. Some can’t be answered, they just needed to be spoken and then let go. God never quits caring for His kids. I love Him for this!

When I was growing up I would watch friends who would make odd decisions. They would drink, get a DUI or they’d brag about having sex with so and so and then find out she was pregnant and the list goes on. These kind of things always scared me and I wondered why someone would do something like this when it was scary in the first place? I was well into my adult years and rearing my own kids before I awakened to the truth that for some these actions are enticing rather than scary. In fact, there seemed to be many more who found all of this enticing rather than scary.

As a father and grandfather I have found all of this in my own family. It doesn’t change how I love each of them, but it certainly does help me understand this human nature of ours. Gratifying our emotions rather than God’s will for us is always before us. I find that my own sinful desires are less visible but that doesn’t change how God sees my sins. I am a sinner saved by God’s Grace just as my father’s sins were saved or my brother’s sins.

Today I can see dad, my brother and me standing at the foot of the Cross forgiven. How our sins were committed isn’t nearly as important as our need to confess them and surrender our lives to Jesus to live for Him. “…though our sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow….” Isaiah 1:18. It doesn’t matter the sin. What does matter is the confession.

Today is my daughter Amber’s birthday. She is a sweet blessing to all of us in our family. Kathy and I head back to Oklahoma in 11 days to be with her family for a couple of weeks. She is graduating from seminary and we will be there to attend it. I love watching how God uses her and how she responds to God in her life. She still has her flesh and unfortunately she says it is a lot like mine–poor thing!

It seems in this counseling world we come up against folks who have never had much trust in God or have lost what trust they had due to a number of events in their lives. My devotional today was so good and relevant to this topic. It addresses the man who brought his son possessed with a demon to Jesus for healing. Jesus asked him if he believed and he responded, “I do believe but help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)

There is a young mother who is coming for help. This bible story fits her to the tee. She wants so much to believe (and she does as far as salvation is concerned), but to believe she is worthy of help is totally different. We are working on this and every once in a while I see glimmers of hope in her face as we do this. The steps she takes and the desires she expresses are what the father who came to Jesus saying–I believe, help thou my unbelief! I love how patient God is in helping us to chip away at this struggle. I know the struggle full well, and I also know the freedom on the other side. It is so worth all of the effort!