Today would be considered a light day. Only a haircut planned but it is an important one. My next oldest grandson is in barber college in Boise and I’ve been going to him for the past 6 months having him grow his experience of cutting hair with me. He’s needing some encouragement at this point so his mom tells me. I’m asking God to help me find words today that will do just that–encourage him. 

The fears of going into anything new, especially when one is thinking about your lifelong career, can be paralyzing. I sure know this! Thinking about what to say when I go today has brought about some of my own reflecting. When I was to begin my teaching career I was thrilled to get the job I did. The first day at the school, ahead of students arriving, I remember thinking, I’ve been planning to be a teacher since I was 9 or 10 years old. Now I’m here and I don’t have a clue what I’m actually suppose to do! The 5th grade teacher I had who inspired me to be a teacher, had retired. She gave me her collection of materials at the end of her year. I used these to put up my bulletin boards. From that point I was on my own. 

A few months into this first year I hadn’t slept this one night. I got up about 3:30 am and went to the school. I was determined I was going to make this work or I would find what God really meant for me to do. I had become discouraged questioning what I thought God intended for me. As those early hours progressed I put organization to all the piles I’d collected on shelves. As I did so, focus came into play and I saw the LIGHT. I never questioned my career again. That morning God showed me that He never makes mistakes. I may question, but He is my constant. This has remained true throughout my life. This is the message I want to pass along to a troubled grandson. 

Today would be my mom’s 114th birthday if she were still with us. It took me the first 60+ years of my life to finally let mom be human like the rest of mankind. She was the stable member of our family for all of us. She was the one we looked to for Godly wisdom. I still hang on to some of this wisdom. She also persevered even when there was no light at the end of the troubles. Mom had her struggles being the wife to my dad, but I never ever heard her make a contrary statement about him. I thank God for giving her to me and to all of us kids. 

The curriculum being used with the group of men I meet with on Saturday mornings is presently addressing our relationships. Its main focus is marriage relationships, but the applications are for all relationships if they are to be healthy ones as God defines healthy. One story being written for the participants was a troubled marriage due to the sexual abuse the wife had experienced in her growing up years. It deeply influenced her ability to be intimate with her husband. As we were addressing the questions being asked in the curriculum with one another yesterday morning, I told the group I felt like I was this wife in my own first marriage and even in mine with Kathy. The difference? I told Kathy my story knowing she’d leave this horrid man she married. What did she do? She stayed. She not only stayed but encouraged me all along to get help.

The relationship of Kathy and me has had its definite times of strife for we are made of flesh. However, with God as our first priority, this relationship has become the anchor I cherish. I keep my eyes on Jesus, but next in line is keeping my eyes on the gift God gave me so many years ago–my wife Kathy. 

Yesterday afternoon I had a very intense session with a family. I was asked to facilitate this session for them due to their inability to keep it civil on their own. The reasons behind the family meeting were intense and I thought it would go well, we only needed solid ground rules. Little did I know just how intense the feelings were within each family member. It only took about 10 mins to know this was not going to work at all. I asked the two kids to take a seat outside the room and asked the parents to stay. We came to an agreement that until the parents were unified themselves, we wouldn’t bring the kids into the picture. I had thought the parents were together, but….

I had prayed asking Jesus to take the lead in this session just as I ask with each of them. I trusted this would be the case. At the end of it I felt somewhat whipped. It wasn’t until this morning when I was journaling about it I realized that Jesus’ presence doesn’t dissolve conflict. Good grief, there is world-wide conflict going on centered around Jesus and His presence. I had presumed way too much about what I had been asked to do for this family. This session only allowed me to see the truth behind the message I’d been given. Jesus is definitely working and I just needed to see much more clearly where I was to fit into this situation. 

I write all of this because my own lesson from this is what most of us have heard many times. When we assume, it only makes an ass out of u and me. (breaking the word assume apart–pardon my language here). I know better than to assume, but I hadn’t asked all of the right questions to the adults ahead of time. I’ve needed to learn this lesson more than once, but today, I see clearly my mistake. Thank You Jesus for your faithfulness and PRESENCE!

I gave my testimony to our Celebrate Recovery group last night. It is always a humbling and yet rewarding time when our testimony is given to be used by God our Father to help others who struggle. In the follow-up share group time I listened to men respond to what impacted them from our (God and me) story. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that God uses our testimony to enlighten others giving hope for them in the midst of their own struggle. However, each and every time this happens for me I am amazed again how this is true for me. What I believed must be kept a secret and taken to the grave is now routinely spoken to others as a tool in the Master’s Hand. God is nothing but AMAZING!

The darkness of sin is stifling and suffocating. BUT, the LIGHT OF JESUS, allowed into this darkness, takes what had been choking us to death, and turns it into a life-saving breathing tube giving us the healing oxygen sin had robbed. Breathing now is easy and free–no more bondage. Helping others find this LIGHT is a JOY and privilege. 

Yesterday morning I was wanting to sort through some things on my desk and get rid of what is no longer needed. In so doing I came across a couple of file folders marked: Personal things. I recalled making those folders many years ago, but I had long forgotten what was in them. As I began to sort through the contents I found journaling I had done in 1978 through 1984. In them were my writings about the months before my divorce and the years of being single along with my meeting Kathy. A common thread throughout these 6 years was the influence (help) a dear friend–Jim McMillan was for me. On May 26, 1984 I had written a poem to him. I remember doing this and giving it to him to thank him for his Godly wisdom and support during this time in my life. For whatever reason, I had a couple copies of the poem. I text my prayer warrior Lois (wife of Jim) and asked if I could come over for a few minutes? I wanted to give her the copy I had found.

As I read the poem to Lois and gave it to her, we began to reflect on those years so long ago. Pastor Jim had been God’s gift to me in my earliest years. I could see how God put him in my life when I was in my mid teens to give me Hope. His sermons always pointed me to Jesus Himself and for a moment I could see Him in the messages. His Godly influence continued until his death only a few years ago. Then, 16 years ago when we started Celebrate Recovery, Lois said to me she’d like to pray for this ministry if I were willing to keep her informed of the needs we addressed. Only yesterday did I see just how continuous these two have been for me. I told Lois she and Jim were a second set of parents God gave to keep me focused on Him and Him alone. 

God is so AMAZING! I loved having this connection come together yesterday and reflecting for a moment on God’s faithfulness to us even when we only for a time see darkness. God is always with us! Today I give Him PRAISE!

A counseling client I have been seeing for several months now hit on a topic yesterday which was a huge trigger for himself. The topic was a man with a high level of sensitivity. This young man has been criticized most, if not all, of his life for this and today has (what Celebrate Recovery calls character defects) from it. As we hit on the topic I asked him to reconsider this thinking about his sensitivity being a curse. The question I asked was, “What if you saw your own sensitivity as the sensitivity God gave you when He created you? What if you saw this sensitivity as God’s sensitivity towards you and all He has created?” We were able to hit upon this topic for a short while before the session ended, but agreed we needed to continue this next week.

I am giving my own testimony tomorrow night to our Celebrate Recovery group. As I finished the session yesterday, I was reflecting on just how many character defects I’ve dealt with in my own recovery. Many of my own have had to do with my own level of sensitivity which I’ve needed to hide. This young man has never seen himself as a blessing to God just as I had never seen myself for such a long period of my life. I still today struggle accepting a compliment from someone for any good I might have done for them. I am much better than I use to be, but the lingering effects of my own past wants to rear its ugly head. 

I’m always amazed at the way God works. To get to be part of this work is a huge healing ointment for me. Using my past to allow others to see how God will work for them is a gift each day. 

Today the journey does continue. I haven’t done a counseling appointment for 5 days and it begins again this morning. It seems as though I’ve been gone from it for months, yet I know as soon as we start all of that will go away. I went to meet with my prayer warrior Lois yesterday morning. It was so good to meet with her again. I am so lucky to have her as part of my life. She asks all of the questions I need to talk about and I’m assured they will be prayed over. The unexpected blessing is when she asks about a counselee of the past to see how they are doing today? It is then I get to reflect and see for a moment that God is using the counseling. My nature is to let someone go as they finish and move right into the replacement. I don’t intend to forget or ignore those who finish, I just don’t remember to reflect until, like yesterday, I’m asked a question as Lois did. It is a blessing having her in my life.

As this day comes into play I want to be a tool in my Father’s hands by surrendering anything selfish and listening carefully to Him acting on all that He nudges through His Holy Spirit. For me, to do this, I must live just as the Serenity Prayer says, “…one day at a time, one moment at a time….” It is then that I can see the next step to take or to step away. 

There are times like yesterday when rest with little commitment is simply a gift. That is exactly what yesterday was all about. What was unexpected was a text message I found on my phone when I got home from church. My youngest daughter sent a message telling me I had been on her mind quite a lot these past many weeks. She noted I had (in her words) a lot on my plate. She then stated that she saw the weight I’ve been carrying these past few months and the grace in which I’ve carried it. Also was the statement that she sees the fierce faith I have especially in hardship. I read this and was just stunned for a minute. This was all so unexpected. The value of a compliment is deeply appreciated at certain times. God knows this and knows just the right person to deliver it. 

Taking care of each others’ hearts is very important. Most men aren’t as good at this as our counter parts are. They are a wonderful gift to us from God Himself!

I’m really glad to have life returning to a sense of normalcy. It has been a few weeks of emotional roller coasters, but with today I think we can begin to see daily living having less of this. I know my dear friend will need his space but will also need to know he is not forgotten. He has friends here from his home state and from his past work with Campus Crusade so this is comforting.

I have to admit I feel somewhat drained this morning. I do look forward to church and participating with worship and to hear the message. This always nourishes my soul and it is nice to be fed. This is a day of rest and I am going to rejoice and be glad in it!

My goodness, yesterday was one filled with emotions, love and joy, as well as moments of spiritual blessings one would never want to miss. The grief was momentarily set aside as hundreds of family and friends gathered to celebrate the life of Penny Poppinga. It’s nice to have friends staying with us so one can reflect and process.

As today begins I simply thank God for being so intimately close. What in the world would we do without such a caring Father? The ugliness of sinfulness is gone for Penny–gone forever. I have a quartet practice at 10 am. I told Jesus when I was journaling I looked forward to practicing the songs we are learning and letting His Holy Spirit nurture as we sing these songs of praise and healing. GOD IS SO GOOD!