As I began my journaling this morning I was reflecting on Christ’s presence during the day yesterday. Leaning into Him and trusting Him seemed easy. When the topic of fear and helplessness came up in sessions it was tied to childhood hurt in the life of the one seeking help. We were able to point this out and how to take different steps of trust rather than steps into the fear.
I was thanking God for the insights yesterday from His Holy Spirit when He asked me when I was going to take His insights personally? That little person I was helping others see in themselves which led the fear they were seeking to overcome, was also something I know well. However, in this morning’s journaling God was pointing out where I still have some of this myself. As I concluded my journaling I thanked Jesus for His insights and that I’d likely need to do just as He pointed out. It was then I was addressed one more time about “likely needed”. God wasn’t making a suggestion to me, I needed to do this, not likely needed to. I then asked for forgiveness and wrote that I will do this. Building my own complete TRUST is still growing. Little Earnie still shows up in me at times and growing him into me today will continue likely for the rest of my life.
God is not letting up on my need to stay focused on learning to let His Holy Spirit be my operational spirit. This topic of spirit vs mind came up in a couple of yesterday’s sessions as well as our Celebrate Recovery’s meeting last night. It wasn’t that I was bringing it up, it was simply ones confessing their inability to control their actions submitting to temptations. Because of this, we talked about the strength provided to us when we submit ourselves to The Holy Spirit and let Him deal with the temptation and the source of “power” behind it.
As I was journaling this morning I was writing more about my own struggle with this enormous change I want so much to understand. As I journaled this morning I told Jesus how hard I tried to live fully for Him and my own difficulties I find when battling on my own strength. He then asked me why I don’t put that same effort into submission to The Holy Spirit? As soon as I heard this I wondered why it has taken me so long to do just this? I know this is not a single event in time. It is a daily submission and sometimes, many times during a day.
Unlearning fighting in our own strength is huge/monumental for me. I have fought a lifetime this way. Even though I’ve known what I’ve written, putting it into daily practice has never been easy. But, Christ’s message today to put this effort into the change hit me like never before. So today, I’m submitted fully to letting God’s Gift of The Holy Spirit be my lead and my strength.
As I go into today I do so with a full counseling schedule. It is an odd feeling for each time I’ve had a break from them I have this anxious sense that I’m starting all over again as though I’ve never conducted one. I was journaling about this when I looked at my card that has the steps to take when we are in temptation. I hadn’t thought about this insecure sense as being a temptation. Yet, as I looked at the steps on the card, the one that hit me was Amputate. It was then that I realized this sense of insecurity is something Satan wants to grab ahold of and use it to cripple me into walking away from this ministry.
I took all of this to Jesus and for the first time thought deeply about my mind vs my spirit. The power to overcome evil is found in surrendering our spirit to God’s Holy Spirit. God is Spirit and His Holy Spirit is His Gift to us. It is in this power that we overcome temptations that want to own us. I’ve lived my life wanting my mind to be powerful to keep emotions under control. This very morning God was showing me that in surrendering my spirit to His Holy Spirit I can trust and believe that whatever I’m stepping into He is already there and those insecurities can easily be replaced with confidence that His Holy Spirit will lead these sessions.
Now, I smile as I conclude this blog. God is going to not only be present, but He will be the Counselor. I get to be His servant. WOW, our GOD IS AMAZING!
The men’s retreat weekend seemed to be a wonderful success. It has been several years since I’ve been part of one. There is nothing like seeing men get tuned into Jesus in worship and commitment. I look forward to seeing what all of this develops into.
As I got home there were already half a dozen cars in our yard. We were hosting a graduation party for one of our granddaughters and several were here getting things set up. It was fun and enjoyable to see old friends and make new ones, but by last night when the house was quiet, oh how I thanked Jesus! Then this morning, there is nothing like one’s quiet time with God and God alone. I treasure each and every day.
God is so committed to us–mankind. Of course He is our creator, but in creating us He had a purpose–communion with Him. It took me a long time to know that in my communing with God, He loved me. I didn’t have to prove anything or try to earn something which would be meaningful to Him. Instead, I’ve learned that just as I so love each of my kids and grandkids, He loves us SO MUCH MORE. It can’t be earned, it is already here! Communing with God each morning is a good time to learn and receive this LOVE of our Heavenly Father!
Today is my oldest grandson’s birthday. What a treasure he is to our entire family. I praise God for him! Happy birthday Dante!
Last night’s lesson for Celebrate Recovery was a testimony from a neighboring CR. She used a line in her testimony that I didn’t catch at the time but it was shared twice in small group following. It was then that I was taken by it. The line–“what isn’t shared cannot be healed”. James 5:16 tells us that when we confess one to another we will be healed.
This morning I am leaving with two other young men from church for a men’s retreat. It is the first one we’ve had for several years. I will be part of the worship time as well as a small group leader. I am always a little more timid about sharing my own story with men I know but they aren’t a part of CR. When men come for their own help it’s easy to tell them you needed help. I have that sense of “less than” when I’m nudged to share points of my past to ones I have no idea if they even have a past. Satan always wants to run me through the mill at these times. So, the line used last night hit me squarely as I heard it twice in small group.
This morning Jesus was reminding me that never in my years of sharing my past have I been “judged” by it. Instead, I’ve only heard thanks for it. It was just the reminder I needed to tell Satan that I’m a child of the King and not him. He has to deal with Jesus on this one for I’m sharing what Jesus nudges me to do. How I love our Savior and Lord–Jesus Christ!
Last night’s last session was the final lesson for a step study group of men. We’ve been meeting for about 9 months and so last night was a celebration for them. One of them has been facing a trial from the problems he’d created from his addiction. This is what brought him to Celebrate Recovery almost a year ago. Well, his trial concluded yesterday and he was found not guilty of charges. I’ve never witnessed anyone who has about faced the way he has. He has already become a tremendous witness to the community and several have turned their lives over to Jesus because of his own change.
I will never not be amazed at the way God works! No matter the depth of sin, the years of it in one’s life, God always takes our mess and makes it into His Wonderful Message when we simply give it over to him in trust and obedience. He does the rest! Praise be to GOD!
This amazing God we get to serve is just that–AMAZING! Yesterday, one of the small groups I meet with did the lesson called Wounds and Triggers. It is connected to the curriculum addressing sexual addiction. This category was hugely significant for me as I did it myself for the first time. It is the first of 3 lessons on this topic. One gentleman in the group yesterday told me as he arrived that this lesson brought out the ugliness of his addiction. He said he’d wept the entire time doing the lesson and throughout the week. He said he’d wept driving to the church this morning.
God inspires ones like the author of this material to organize the lessons in such a way that the “students” are brought into a tough/vivid lesson like yesterday’s very carefully. It is the 10th lesson of 17. By this time, this man was ready to face the giants of his addiction. I know this so well. I can’t help but praise God for HIs kind yet thorough ways of getting us to where we can face our past with courage knowing God will and does forgive and purifies such an ugly area of our lives.
There is a man who has been coming for counseling now for several months. His wife of almost 20 years is an abuse victim and he is seeking help for himself in knowing how to deal with its impact on their marriage. In a session a couple weeks ago he named a book she had read about hope. I ordered it and have almost finished it. It is written by a counseling psychologist PhD whose speciality is abuse victims. As I’ve read this book I found myself reliving my own counseling days. The author is superb, and the memories I have are vivid.
As I’ve processed while reading this book, Jesus has pointed out a very real point that I’ve not considered before. First, God’s healing from any issue we might have is always considered a miracle. I prayed for that miracle in my life all of my life. What I hadn’t considered was whose miracle did I want–God’s or mine? It wasn’t until I realized how much greater God’s miracle was than mine that I accepted His with open arms. The thing God has opened my eyes to in the past few days is that His Miracles always have eternal value while we are here on earth.
I wanted my past obliterated from my mind so I could finally live life in peace–that was what my miracle would look like if granted. God wanted to give me peace from the bondage of my past keeping the memories so I could use them for His eternal purposes. He helped me find intimate love for Him right here on earth as I allowed His Miracle to take place for me. My eyes were only focused on my selfish wants while He wanted to grant something so much greater. The greater for me is using this past of mine to help others find their eternal value to God no matter what they bring to the table. WOW, GOD IS SO, SO GOOD!
Yesterday seemed to end well honoring Kathy and our daughters who are moms. Everyone enjoyed the day with lots of laughter, fun and love. There is something most special about Mother’s Day. God sure knew what He was doing (as though He could ever not know) when He created woman to become MOM. Nothing can measure up to what a loving mom can mean to her children.
As I was reading my devotional this morning the theme of it was listening to Jesus. We always hear about the importance of praying to Jesus, praising Him and following Him, but this topic was solely on listening to Him. It’s scriptural reference was Luke 9:35 where Jesus took Peter, James and John to the mountain top where Christ was transformed right before their eyes. It was at this time God spoke to the three disciples telling them that Jesus was His beloved Son and to listen to Him.
Everyday I end my journaling asking Jesus what He wants me to know from Him for the day. Without fail, I hear a message from HIm. Do I always remember this is God’s Beloved Son speaking to me who is KING of kings and LORD of lords? No, I don’t. But today, as I read this devotional message, I went back to what Jesus had spoken to me and took special note of it. Never again do I want to take for granted that Jesus speaks to me. I want to give real reverence to Him and acknowledge each day’s message with critical importance!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! I don’t care if we are a man or a woman, this day is still important for all of us. One of the ladies who comes for counseling told me this day will torment her. She and her daughter are at odds with one another. I have simply prayed God will provide a spark of JOY for her this day. God created Mom’s to be honored by their kids. His command for us is to honor them. Today, be honored MOMs!
In just a couple of hours I will introduce the song I wrote about yesterday. I was awake at 2 am this morning with words flashing through my mind. Finally at 5:00 am I got up and put them on paper. Our worship pastor told me I could have one minute and 15 seconds. They have to track everything due to the streaming. Well, what I wrote is 1:21 as I timed it. Hopefully, I’ll read it just a titch faster when I’m nervous!
Over and over God is emphasizing for me the importance of trusting Him in all things–this morning included. I want this morning to be just a simple example of obedience and trust. So, here we go!
Earnie Lewis 