As I wrote in yesterday’s blog, we had the session to address some lingering issues untouched by the counseling/therapy in past years. There were two of these which stood out. Number one was the beating my brother received when I first told my father of my brother’s use of me and 2nd was my brother’s drowning, In both cases, I carried the responsibility for their taking place. Rich would never have had that beating if I hadn’t told. Secondly, in Matthew 18:6 if anyone causes one of these little ones to stumble, it is better for them to be drowned in the depths of the sea. I’ve struggled to not own Rich’s actions as something about me which attracted him to me. I firmly know in my head the truth of these lies, but Rich had issues and I always wanted to be stronger than Rich’s issues. I just wasn’t.

In the session yesterday we addressed finding God in each of these two events–something I hadn’t done in previous therapy. I was amazed to find the punishment of the beating as my dad’s pride and anger issue which Rich endured. Yes, I witnessed it, but that’s all. The drowning showed me something that amazed me. There were three angels who came to Rich while he struggled. They assured him he was headed “home” and they were there to escort him. (Even now this almost takes my breath away as I’ve feared tremendously the agony of his drowning). Dad and Rich are both there in heaven and they embraced one another affectionately because their old self’s are dead and buried.

Today, I simply feel free. I have been here before with much thanksgiving. Today however, there’s a deep settled peace in my soul. I know today that this peace is found today, one day at a time. I will claim this victory each day as Satan might try to re-enter what Christ has cleansed and replaced with Himself and The Holy Spirit. God never stops helping us grow into more of His likeness. How grateful I am!

There has been a good deal of water pass under the bridge since I wrote my autobiography a little over 8 years ago. I was nudged almost continuously a few months after it was published to begin writing this blog. I was finding that writing the book only told my story up to the present. In the last 8 years God has been continuously working to deepen my relationship with HIm, His Son Jesus and particularly with His Holy Spirit.

A year and a half ago we started the biblical counseling program at our church (we is three). The other two are retired licensed counselors who are christians. One of them I’ve known for several years. She has helped our Celebrate Recovery ministry in numerous ways. She is the one I observed counseling for 2 months before I stepped into seeing people on my own.

I am taking an online course presently to gain the wisdom to use a counseling technique called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping). I know this procedure as it was used with me for a couple of years. As I was in a class session Monday morning for 3 hours I heard about a procedure one can use with tapping to address types of addiction. I’m having the counselor I mentioned above use this with me later today in between our own sessions. As I was journaling this morning I told Jesus I am tentative about this but He assured me His nudge to do this is not in vain. My skepticism is not from Him. He said to trust His nudge so that is what I’m going to do.

There is a song our quartet sings called: Step Into the Water. A few of the lyrics are: “Step into the water, wade out a little bit deeper. Step into the water of His Love….” I’m wading out!

God’s Word was really speaking out loud this morning as I was reading it in the Bible itself as well as within the devotionals I presently use. What was being addressed is the separation of living in the bondage of our flesh vs living in the freedom of our spirit. The sinfulness we acquired from birth manifests itself in our flesh. Our spirit wants to feed the selfish desires of our flesh no matter what it is about. We can also come up with a thousand defense as to why “it is not selfish, just necessary or needed”.

Galatians 5:16 tells us to “…walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh”. It goes on to describe some of these characteristics: “adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness….” This is immediately followed by the characteristics of living by the Spirit: “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” This is all found in the fifth chapter of Galatians.

All of this written comes about just a few years after Christ had come to live out this evidence of “living in the Spirit”. Yet, already man was struggling with it. All of these years later we still are. It just reinforces to me our need to stay focused on today. Today I can commit to live in God’s Spirit within me because I am in today and God’s Spirit called I AM is with me and within me today.

It is so good to know that God loves us regardless of our behaviors and actions. The song I mentioned yesterday did not go nearly as well as I’d hoped it would, yet I know God was glorified by it. Many said so.

This morning I’m reminded by my devotional time that God tells me not to judge and that includes myself. The day of judgment will come, but that day is not today. I’m so grateful for the timely reminders of Who God is and who we are to Him. I can get overly caught up in the actions to be taken and then determining my value to God on the success or lack thereof for the action/s. This is certainly not what God wants me doing to me or to anyone else.

On the positive side of yesterday, our pastor is doing a series on “breakthrough”. I love the focus and the reminders of how many breakthroughs different ones have had since coming to the counseling program. It was a nice moment to reflect on different ones who can walk in a freedom they hadn’t had until now. God is always wanting us to take another step with Him and this program is helping ones do this–including myself. The step might be painful at the moment, but this pain will lead to healing when God is in it!

Today is Sunday. I will soon leave for worship and choir practice ahead of our service. The choir number has a challenging solo portion which I will be singing. It is a gorgeous number entitled: All Praise Rising. The solo portion is challenging for a 1st tenor. When I was younger it would have been “fun” to sing it. At 73, well, it is a challenge I’ve accepted but the fun has moved to becoming YIKES! I love challenging music for our quartet and choir, however, I’m long past the days where I would say I love the challenge of a difficult solo. All that being said, the song truly glorifies God and this is His Day. So, All Praise Rising, all rejoicing, every honor rise to THEE!

This morning I am simply thankful that there is nothing in this day but a quartet practice in a couple of hours. The week has been a difficult one with a few new clients with difficult battles being faced. In addition to that, other clients are battling new and difficult circumstances. My prayer warrior Lois told me to expect this for we are intentionally stepping into the evil work of Satan. He will do all he can to keep his prey troubled and bound by fear. I know this and deeply appreciated the reminder to not only intentionally wear the armor of God, but make sure my own accountability has my back.

Our country celebrates our Vets today. I join everyone in this. My oldest grandson is in the Air Force and he is deeply appreciated. I add to this celebration my deepest appreciation for the God we get to serve from our freedom in America. I know the chaos of evil and our world is certainly caught in the midst of it presently. But, my real hope is in God Almighty, Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Only because of them and the original foundation of our country can we continue the freedom we presently have and have had. Thank you Father God!

Last night I taught the lesson SANITY for our Celebrate Recovery group. There is an element of this lesson I’d not caught for all of the 16 years I’ve been part of this ministry. The lesson prior to Sanity is Hope. We have Hope when we come out of denial (lesson one) and realize we are powerless (lesson 2) to use our own power to overcome whatever hurt, hang-up, and habit we’re dealing with. The lesson component I’ve been missing is that Hope must have with it the Sanity of God’s Word or it is simply hope from the flesh of man. Let me explain.

From the time I had begun attending college and was no longer bound to living at home, I had hope that God would keep all of my abuse a secret so I could be “successful in living for Him free of the abuse from home. I would be serving Him and have a career in education where I’d committed to serving kids with Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. The insanity of my own hope was “secret”. I look at this now and wonder why I’d ever think God needed to keep a secret? It was my flesh that thought He would do that to protect me. There was a true absence of Belief, Trust and Faith in my hope. My hope was built on fear.

All of these years later I’ve found that Hope in this lesson must accompany the Sanity of God’s promises in His Word. God is using every aspect of my past for His own purposes today and He does this with everyone who gives their burdening past to Him. Hope from the flesh is saturated with the deception of Satan’s lies (I must keep my past a secret). Well, the truth is that Satan is a real liar and I know that. As the old hymn says, “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteous….” It ends with, “On Christ the solid rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand.” My commitment is to live this out one day at a time/one moment at a time.

As I finished my devotional time I noticed the house didn’t seem to be as warm as it should be. I went to the thermostat only to find it giving a message to call the dealership. It wasn’t communicating with the “smarthub”. Well, the “dumb hub” was reading it so I called the dealership only to have the very man who services us answer. That was a blessing. The house is now heating due to a simple step he had me take. Sometimes it is not fun to be so “mechanically deficient”!

What I was intending to post this morning was regarding my visit to my prayer warrior yesterday. I had written about the chorus–The Joy of the Lord is my Strength. I had been dealing with some intense voices in my head regarding “who I am” and “what I do”. I couldn’t find the strength this joy was talking about. Well, Lois reminded me that strength is power and Joy is Power. This is a promise from God and it is true. It is for our spirit. First and foremost I have to believe it is true for me. She also reminded me that I am dealing with Satan’s territory as I work with these troubling areas in people’s lives. No wonder I would be under attack. As we prayed, the Light of Jesus began to return.

As I journaled this morning the old hymn TRUST AND OBEY came to my mind. The chorus in part says, “Trust and obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.” I truly need this reminder each and every day. If I don’t spend a moment anchoring myself in this truth, it is so easy for the deceiver to divert me to the old man thinking rather than my new creation thinking. “One day at a time–one moment at a time, accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.” This piece of the Serenity Prayer is certainly true!

There is a chorus we use to sing several years ago with the title: The Joy of the Lord Is My Strength. All the years that this chorus was popular I liked singing it for a couple of reasons. First, it was fun from the musical arrangement and second, it had rhythm to clap to which engaged everyone while singing it. What I missed all those years was the deeper meaning of the lyrics–The joy of the Lord IS my strength.

I have never thought of joy as something other than an emotion that felt nice. Learning to live as a new creation I’m beginning to discover all of the misconceptions I’ve had throughout my life. Yes, JOY is known to us from an emotional standpoint, but this JOY has a lasting effect on us that IS Strength. When I complete something that I’ve been nudged to do there is a tremendous joy within that is confirmed by God’s Holy Spirit. This very joy then becomes the strength to carry on for this joy is quite different from being happy. This joy stays with us helping us to continue on. Happiness is wonderful at the moment, but it fades quickly as whatever generated it goes away.

Being obedient to stepping into the counseling program was nothing less than FEAR. This lasted for months as I prepared, yet I knew it was something God had planted and I was to follow through. Now, 1.5 years later, it brings such great JOY watching God work in the lives of those coming. This JOY is strength to carry on. I get choked up as I write this for I know where I came from and the gripping disgrace I carried. Every last part of what I called disgrace is now a tool in the Master’s Hands. God is SO AMAZING!

As I began my devotional time this morning the first devotional I read focused its message on righteousness. God is really driving the message home that we (I) are/am righteous because Christ lives in us. His Holy Spirit is nothing but righteous and we are too because of His indwelling in us. This is hard to believe when we know ourselves. Yet, the work of our Savior and Lord isn’t built around what we have or have not done. It is solely built around what Jesus Christ did and the simple act on our part of accepting Him into our lives confessing our sins to Him as I John 1:9 tells us. The verse actually tells us that He–Christ purifies us from all unrighteousness.

There is so much to be said about each one of us living the life of a new creation. I am seeing much more clearly that when The Serenity Prayer tells us to “live one day at a time, one moment at a time”, that all of this pertains to living the life of a new creation. Our flesh will never go away until death do us part. Until then, I will need to commit to living the life of a new creation “this day” and each moment of this day. My flesh will battle with this wanting me to be selfish with my time and activities. However, there is nothing like the joy of living out each day following the nudges God’s Holy Spirit gives to us. It is in this obedience that the JOY of the Lord is found.