A young man I see on Saturday mornings has been coming for a year now. When he first began he had attempted suicide and only as God does, was stopped because his wife who was on the job had called one of his brothers to check on him. Well, a year later he is a much more stable young man. His struggles are those “common to man”. A week ago after our session I was prompted by God’s Spirit to write a post-it note in his file so I’d remember to ask him this week what were the positive things that had taken place for him in the week. We actually met last night instead of this morning due to his work schedule right now. So, last night I asked him the question. It was amazing all of the things he brought out about himself. It had little or nothing to do with his work, it was simply things he noticed about himself and the joy he’s finding being a child of God. His facial expressions were priceless as he spoke of these moments.

I know that God nudges us to do things and I do try to do what He nudges me to do. Last night’s obedience in asking a simple question was amazing. He left the session with a brightness in his step and I left the session feeling very joyful. God sure knows His children!

If you have been reading the last couple of entries in this blog, you will read that I taught our Celebrate Recovery lesson–POWERLESS last night. The lesson emphasizes the fact that we are powerless to address our hurts, hang-ups and/or habits on our own strength. We may be able to address them for a period of time, but they will return. Only in surrendering our inability to God can we find the healing strength He offers us.

I have taught this lesson in previous years and heard it many more. We have been operating our CR for 16 years so this lesson is certainly not new to me. What is new to me this morning is the reality of me being powerless. The hurts of my past have been largely healed through great help from God and His human servants called christian counselors. But I have a great hang-up called pride. I’ve never wanted to be powerless thinking if I were I’d be powerless to control my behavior and I’d end up being like my dad and/or brother. As I was journaling all of this earlier God pointed out very clearly that no one any longer in my life even knows dad or my brother. They only know me. God wants Earnie to reflect Him through His Holy Spirit living in me. Take my eyes off of dad and my brother and transfix them onto His Son Jesus.

I’ve always wanted to live only for Jesus. I’ve stayed in denial to the reality that my “want/efforts” looked much more like me than like Jesus. So today I’m very much awake to my powerlessness. I’ve surrendered it all. I also know that this reality is something I will need to do daily. Just as God is with me today, only in today can I surrender my pride. Tomorrow I’ll be of the flesh until I surrender it as the day begins. The great beauty in all of this is that in surrendering I am provided a strength never known until it’s done. Wow!

Today as part of my devotional time I’ve finished the book Freedom Starts Today for the second time. Day 90 of the devotions addresses God’s sole purpose for sending Christ to be our Savior and Lord. The author demonstrates this by drawing a Cross. Above the cross write Given For. Below the cross write Forgiven. For the first time I see that Christ was given-for us to be for-given.

Tonight I am teaching the Celebrate Recovery lesson called Powerless. The lesson ties to Principle One in our recovery which states: “Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.” The verse supporting the principle is Matthew 5:3, “Happy are those who are spiritually poor.” I looked up spiritually poor this morning during my devotional time to see what the experts said about it. It said, “To be poor in spirit is to recognize your utter spiritual bankruptcy before God.” There is nothing I can do from my own spirit/drive/efforts for I will fail on my own.

Tying today’s lesson in the book stated in the first paragraph to the lesson on Powerless is amazing. Christ was given to us by God to forgive what I cannot do on my own–be sinless. By accepting Christ into my life God sees Christ’s work on the Cross for me rather than seeing my sin and my powerless efforts to be sinless. This is what Christ was given for–so you and I could be FORGIVEN! What GRACE this is!

Even though I wrote yesterday about my need to praise God in the midst of crisis, it wasn’t until today that I could actually give God praise. I know that God uses all things to His honor and glory as we give them to Him. Yet, in the midst of “all things” giving praise to God doesn’t even enter my mind. All I can see is my need to not enter into the crisis unless I’m nudged to do so and surrender the crisis to God and keep doing this until I’m released from its bondage on me.

The day did end and sleep came quickly as I went to bed. Today I do thank God and praise Him. One of the counseling sessions yesterday had me listening to some very ugly things about someone I have cared deeply for. Forgiveness was on the top of my thinking, but the person talking wasn’t ready to hear that word until they had finished unloading. It was one of those God moments when this person was able to say they forgive.

When God forgives our sin as we confess, He no longer sees the sin for He than sees Christ in us. For God, that sin is cast away never to be seen again. Man, on the other hand, doesn’t so quickly forget. When we forgive something our memory seems to be in tact. We rarely see Christ in the person needing forgiveness. We forgive out of obedience. However, if we will continue to allow God to work in us, that act of obedience will let the sting of the memory/act eventually fade and we can learn to not trust man the way we trust God. Trusting God is the right thing to always do. Trusting man, knowing his flesh is still alive, is the wise thing to do.

Today in my scripture reading, John 6, Mark 7, and Matthew 15 (I’m reading a chronological bible presently) I find where many of Jesus’ followers left him. It was too tough they thought. Their words were, “these are hard lessons”. When Jesus brought this to his own chosen disciples Peter said, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

It is so easy to follow Jesus and give Him praise when all around us is going well. On the other hand, it seems next to impossible to give praise to Jesus when the world seems to be crashing in on you. Yet, I know this is the most important time to praise Jesus. It demonstrates our confidence in Him, our TRUST.

There are those receiving counsel who are reaching out right now because their world is falling apart. Using this time to help them see their importance in relying on God is critical. I want them to find a trust in God they’ve not known before. At the same time I want to praise God for what He is doing in these circumstances which I cannot see nor do I need to see. I need to PRAISE AND TRUST! I bank on Peter’s words to Christ, “I have come to believe and know that YOU are the Christ, the Son of the Living GOD!”

This coming Thursday I will be teaching the Celebrate Recovery lesson #2. It is POWERLESS. Lesson 1 is DENIAL. Once we step out of denial we must realize we are powerless to change on our own. We need God’s strength and protection as well as man’s accountability. Another reality for me has been that no matter how long I’ve been awake to my struggles, I will never in my flesh be anything but powerless. I cannot change my ugly behaviors with my own strength. The ugly me will show forth at some point.

I have this fantasy world I can live (in my head) that doesn’t have any sinfulness in it. I think my childhood build this alternate world and I’ve gone to it whenever there is crisis in life. Because of this, I’ve always wanted the “new creation” I now am to be the fantasy world I knew only in my head. It would be sinless and one would be all powerful. The problem is that the earthly new creation doesn’t place heaven’s quality of sinlessness in our lives at this point. Wishing it did has never helped either.

Being a new creation, living in the freedom of being a new creation, doesn’t take away sin’s temptations. I do have a choice however to seek out my accountability and turn to God and His Powerful help by confessing to Him and my accountability that I am under attack. This is staying in reality and not shifting into a fantasy which never works in our world of flesh. God’s Way is the right and BEST WAY!

Today my wife and I celebrate our 41st anniversary. It is amazing to me how huge the gift of Kathy has been. Everything I had kept a secret has been shared with her and yet she stayed simply saying I needed help when I thought my story would run any good person away. Through our years God has used our marriage to grow one another and to use our story for others who had their own struggles in hiding. Our daughters tell Kathy that she is the one who taught them how to be a Godly mom. She has likewise shown me what a Godly wife is like. How fortunate can a man be?!

Today my mind is filled with grief as this war in Israel has hit. It instantly reminds me of the immensity of God our Father. Each day I personalize God’s work to the individual level. But, God is also the God of the universe and His very chosen people are under attack for being His chosen kids. I pray for them and ask you to join me in this.

Yesterday’s message about growing the root of believing God’s Word is true for you and me is taking hold. I do know this and believe this. I thank God’s Holy Spirit for this along with God my Father and Jesus my Savior and Lord. Today’s message takes this belief into the garden where the roots grow. It is the garden of my soul. This is where Jesus planted the seeds of belief. In this garden He also annihilated the weeds disbelief. My role in this is to not allow seeds to reenter my soul garden by opening the door of temptation. Instead of this, I step into worship of Jesus with thanksgiving in my heart. His Work is AMAZING and I’m so grateful I can do this “one day at a time, one moment at a time”!

God is wanting me to let a root grow deeply into my belief and understanding. This root is the root of believing that all of His scripture is not only living truth, but it is living truth for me just as it is for each one of us. As I’ve been going through this 90 day experience for the 2nd time I’ve found myself going much deeper into each day’s message for growth in trusting God. This has been true until yesterday and I found my prayer 90 days ago to be just what yesterday’s prayer needed to be. I was stuck with my fleshly pride needing to be seen for what it is–selfish.

A line in today’s devotional was to not use our “idle time for idol time”. That line hit home. To use idle time as worship time to refocus me on Christ’s goodness and The Holy Spirit’s presence is this new root of believing. I don’t know why it has taken so long for me to see this, but I’m especially grateful that today I do see it. This is the “way of escape” God has wanted me to see in His Word in I Corinthians 10:13 that I wrote about yesterday. I can confess a temptation to my trusted friend and turn this time into worship time! This is the way of escape warding off the enemy–Satan himself.

I’ve written before (and I am doing it again today) that what we are told may or may not be accurate if the message is only coming from man’s wisdom alone. Two different counselors at two different times told me that I would likely have to struggle with the temptations of porn and all its ugliness the rest of my life. I referenced it, in my mind, to a thorn in the flesh as Paul’s writing mentions his own thorn.

As I began my journaling today I wrote to Jesus about this struggle. It has haunted me endlessly over my lifetime (and for good reason I understand). When I was in high school I read I Corinthians 10:13 for the first time. “…No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. …I will provide a way of escape for you….” The sexual abuse was still happening at this time of my life. I wanted to believe this verse but it just didn’t seem true then. My hope was that someday God would make it true for me. Well, the sexual abuse came to an end, but the ugly temptations never did. Thus, my reason for writing what I did to Jesus in my journal earlier.

As I read my 90 day devotional, its message was centered around the promise in I Corinthians 10:13. When I read it this second time I realized that God has provided my way of escape. I just don’t like to act on it. My way of escape is to confess the temptation as it hits, not after one has acted on it. My only obstacle is my pride. I hate admitting that I even have such ugly things run through my head. I want to be better than that. But, I’m of the flesh too and this proves it! So, I confess to my trusted accountability that my the temptation comes. In confessing I have found my “way of escape”. I will not act on a confessed temptation. This commitment I can make daily as God’s Strength is with me in my today.