If you have read my autobiography you know that an associate pastor at my church back in 1980 asked me to begin a singles bible study. We had never had one and I was newly divorced so he thought it would be appropriate. I told him I didn’t think I could do that, but after a few days God had talked to me and I knew I was to get this going. This associate pastor whose name is Steve moved away a year later and I never heard from him again until 2 weeks ago.

I had received a message on messenger (connected to Facebook). It was from a name that sounded somewhat familiar but I couldn’t recall why. The message wanted to know if I remembered her? I asked for some clarification as to why I would know her. She said that she and her husband and small family had been part of Deer Flat Church 40+ years ago. It was then I recalled that she was the wife of Steve. That evening we communicated back and forth. In so doing I told her and Steve I’d written my autobiography. He had no idea of my past. He said he wanted to buy one but I told him I’d send him one.

Last night I was notified by Steve and his wife that the book had arrived. His wife said she was not going to bed until it was finished. They live now in Texas. Their words were that God had intended for us to reconnect after all of these years. Steve was the one who first challenged me to use the hurt of my divorce to help others with their own hurts. This eventually grew into what I get to do today with a much bigger part of my past’s hurt. God is so AMAZING!

Fall and Spring have much in common regarding the temperatures of the days: cool nights and warm days. The big difference is that in spring the days are growing longer and in fall, they are growing shorter. Either way, I enjoy the temperatures of both.

I had an early morning counseling call which replaced a face to face one. The young man had injured his eye and was not to drive. All is ok, but it made me late getting to my blog writing. I look forward to this day because there is nothing more planned in it except mowing the lawn later when the dew is gone.

Sometimes it is nice to simply relax in the beauty of the season. The weather is “perfect” in my eyes. (Kathy would beg to differ with mornings being as cool as they are). She says her perfect temperature is 74 degrees year round! Good luck finding that. Gardens need the seasons and I’m aligned with the gardens. With all that said, I’m headed into a quiet, calm day thanking God for it!

Today I’m meeting with my friend who has been my sponsor and I have been his for the past 10 years or so. He and his wife are moving to Arizona. I’m taking him to lunch to “sort of” say “good-by”. I know we will talk about a long distance sponsorship, but it sure won’t be the same as it has been for all these past years. What is truly amazing to me about his moving is the way I feel towards it.

For most of my life I have wondered why different ones I know would make such a big deal about friendships/family members moving away. I’d see them cry, hug and cry some more and I’d just shake my head thinking maybe they just want the other person to think they like them a lot. What I’ve learned of late, now that my relationship walls are gone and intimacy is beginning to grow within me, I ache inside knowing this dear friend is moving away. He knows all about me–things only Kathy knows and he still has been an intimate friend.

I love what God is doing in my life. I know now He has wanted me to know the loss of closeness with someone. He also reminds me that the distance is only temporary. Eternity will come!

I have written numerous times in the past months about the book, Freedom Starts Today. It is a 90 day journal and accountability structure which has provided a good deal of insights for myself as well as for the others using it. I am in the process of going through it for the second time. Each day one is to write a prayer of commitment to God regarding whatever topic (addiction/hurt/hang-up) you are addressing in your life at the time. One then gives this same message of commitment to their sponsor/accountability partner. As I’m going through this the 2nd time I’m using a post-it note to write my commitment and placing it over the one from 90 days ago. Today, as I began to write my commitment, I had a huge reminder to thank God and celebrate.

The devotional message of today was about the damage that old, deep roots can cause. The author illustrates this with an oak tree that was growing next to his home and the internal damage the roots were doing to his house’s structure. In order to address this he needed to not only cut down the tree but kill the roots. Only God’s Holy Spirit within us could perform such a surgery. I had been told in my past counseling that I may never be free of these roots within me due to the depth of them within. (I could write another book about this entire process).

In reading today’s message again I realized that God’s Spirit has been killing these deep roots within me. It has been a process of believing He cares enough for me to do this and I care enough for me that I can believe He will. I not only feel a freedom from temptation I’ve not known before, but I can also use this freedom to confront temptation and say that I don’t need to succumb to it. “Get thee hence Satan!” I can state this in confidence because Christ within me is my Rock like never before!

Yesterday turned out to be an odd and confusing day. I was looking forward to a counseling session in the afternoon. The ones involved had made great strides. I was wanting to hear and see how the past week had been. 20 minutes into the session’s time no one had arrived so I text to find out they weren’t coming. No excuse and a short statement that they would likely not be returning. A thanks was included for all of the help. Later in the afternoon (early evening) there was to be a meeting. I arrived to find the room empty, door locked (I had a key so I went in to find nothing was set up for a meeting). I text the leader to find the meeting had been cancelled. These two items left me wondering what I’d done that I didn’t know I’d done?

As I awoke quite early this morning I arose and began my devotions. In so doing I asked Jesus what He wanted me to know for today while I journaled. His response was just what I needed to hear. He reminded me that He is the God of clarity. When He speaks/nudges I know what I’m to do. Satan, on the other hand, is the author of confusion/deception. Everything about the two items of yesterday left me with nothing but confusion. I should simply leave them alone. I can thank God the couple has come a long ways and that I had time at home last night I didn’t expect to have.

The other thing that was very clear in this morning’s devotional message was Jesus is KING of kings. When we have Jesus in our lives as we do it doesn’t make us KING. Christ within us gives us the opportunity to embody His characteristics. Worry is not one of Christ’s characteristics. Trust, on the other hand, is what Christ modeled for us and He wants me modeling this same characteristic for Him. So, my assignment is clear!

It seems I didn’t post yesterday. There was a good deal I had on my mind as I began the day. I was making notes to myself so I’d not forget what I was to get done. Well, I didn’t have a note to write my daily entry so I guess that was overlooked–sorry!

One of the big items on my mind yesterday morning was talking to someone I wanted to make amends with. I hadn’t intended to hurt them in any way so I made contact and apologized. It went very well. (Maybe that’s the reason I forgot about yesterday’s entry).

God has certainly been working on me to believe He has given me a new heart–a heart of flesh as He promises in Ezekiel 36:25-28. In addition to this, He is wanting me to live in the freedom of this promise. It is no longer a promise for me, it is an act that He has already performed. It was done in my spirit and I was looking for this change in my flesh. My spirit and flesh are much better joined together when I not only believe the truth given to me, but I live and act daily in the truth of it.

How I love what God is doing in my life! Walking in real freedom and learning to trust Him completely as I do so, is one of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned!

Have you ever considered yourself a warrior? All of my life I’ve sung songs about being a soldier in the Lord’s army and about being a warrior fighting for the cause of Christ. That’s easy to say and sing, but believing it is an entirely different story.

I am not a fighter from the physical meaning of fighting. I grew up hating a fight and I still do. When my dad would have boxing on TV I’d have to leave the room. I couldn’t stand seeing someone hurting the other person. I’d do all I could to break up fights instead of joining in one. I am a fighter with words, but never with my hands or fists. Thus, being a warrior has always related back to physical fighting. This has been true until this past week.

I’ve written about my inability to find the Power of God to fight my temptations. I’d almost always end up trying to power through them with gritted teeth. Talking to my son-in-law last Wednesday, for some reason, (I know it’s truly about where I now am in my journey) has allowed me to understand that Christ’s taking my sins to the Cross didn’t restrict Satan from his attacks. I can fight and need to fight (be a warrior for me) by telling Satan I’m a victor in Christ and he has been defeated by Christ. With that, I contact my sponsor so I get the temptation spoken and out of me. This is how I fight and from this day forward I will do just this! God has been lovingly and patiently waiting for me to let Him embrace me–be intimate with me. I think I’m beginning to understand this and so wanting to receive it!

Today is my second grandson’s birthday. He is a very special kid to me for multiple reasons. He is 20 years old today. He has a kind and gentle spirit for which everyone sees and loves.

I mentioned the counseling session I had yesterday in the blog I wrote yesterday morning. That session was confronting a father and mother by their daughter who has been coming for help the past 3+ months. She was sexually abused as a child by her father for a couple of years. She is now 41 years old and needing to deal with it. I had a picture in my mind of what needed to take place in the session, but turning it over to God for His picture to take place was amazing. The father and mother accepted their abuse and neglect and God’s Light was shed into this lady’s darkness abundantly. It was the surgery that needed to take place and now, healing can begin for a daughter and her husband, a father who has carried a load of guilt for years and a mother who knew but kept her despair hidden from daughter and husband. Our God is AMAZING!

Lastly, I need to come back to God’s work within me I’ve written about these past few days. I’ve needed to talk with someone about this issue that has been haunting me. It is the issue that I will likely need to carry the temptations of porn the rest of my life for they run deeply into my soul. Well, God is bringing forth within me a desire to fight for me–Earnie. I can be a warrior for myself just as genuinely as I can be for others. Not only can I do this, but I need to do this. This is putting God’s Word to practice when He tells us to love thy neighbor as thyself. This is a great awakening for me!

As I’ve started today I needed to clear my head regarding a counseling session I’ll have later this morning. So, I went through the materials ahead of getting into my devotions. I wanted to not have a disrupted devotional time with my mind flitting to the session. Thus, I’m later getting to my blog too.

What I wrote yesterday regarding the scripture in Ezekiel that tells me God will give me a new heart and will cleanse me, has always left me with hope, but with little belief. I’ve wanted my mind to be free of porn temptation which always tied to what I’d been told by two different counselors–“You may never be free of this and even submitting to it at times due to the depth of sexual sin done to you so early in your life.” Satan has used this lie for all of my years limiting my belief that I can be fully cleansed.

Having the talk with my son-in-law last Wednesday morning created a yearning within me for God to make this cleansing true for me. What has happened in the last two days is amazing! It has made me realize that my pride has stood in my way not wanting to admit the truth of my addiction even though I do talk often about it. I still fight my pride all the time. In addition to this, I hate admitting that a “leader” struggles like this. A deeper root was brought to light this morning. My 90-day devotional addressed the writer’s struggle with his addiction when he was in the depth of coming out of it. One night his own father came and laid in bed beside him during the night to keep him from slipping once again. His father’s love was received and deeply appreciated. When I read this, this time, I wept. I’ve begun to realize just how much my heavenly Father loves me and has been waiting for me to receive this love from Him with open arms. He has been right beside me all of the time. He also wants me to step out in His Love and fight the good fight that His Son Jesus has already won. I fight by declaring myself cleansed and believing it to be true. Today I stand in this truth and remind any temptation that I AM a child of the KING!

The flight home was as smooth as silk. It was just what one always hopes it will be. As my morning began I was eager to get to all of the catch-up things I needed done early so I could get the lawn mowed ahead of my 3:00 pm counseling appointment. In so doing, I forgot all about writing this blog. My wife was headed to Oregon to attend a college reunion and as she pulled out a few minutes ago she said my blog hadn’t post. That suddenly reminded me I had never written it.

Sometimes God needs to use a son-in-law to help one see what he wasn’t able to on his own (or he didn’t want to see it). This happened for me while I was in Oklahoma. I have struggled with porn every since I stumbled into it in my late 40’s. I’ve written about this struggle many times. As my son-in-law talked with me about this on our recent trip I was able to tell him this. In Ezekiel 36:25-28, it says God will give you a new heart, a heart of flesh. He goes on to tell you that the sins will be washed away and one will be made clean. I told my son-in-law that I had always wanted this promise to mean I’d never struggle with porn again. However, that hadn’t been true. He’s a Ph.D. psychologist and a sound christian. He listened well and I deeply appreciated his thoughtfulness.

God is always helping us take a step we never think is possible. Isn’t God good!