Last night at Celebrate Recovery a gentleman in our share group made a statement which I cannot let go, nor should I. He, like myself, had a childhood of sexual abuse partly from an older brother. He stated in our group that a therapist had helped him understand that childhood sexual abuse disallows the abused to develop natural boundaries while their brain and emotional base are developing. He shared how this had been true for him and why he struggles today.
As I was hearing this I was brought back to my own story. I have been told by all three of the counselors I’ve had in life that my struggles will likely be with me throughout my life. The “water runs deeply into the roots of who I am”. As I’ve pondered this I can easily see why fear became my solid boundary. However, so much in life that shouldn’t be feared was for me. As I began to date in college I FEARED being touched or having anyone sitting right next to me. I FEARED the thoughts I had thinking I’d be judged and kicked out of everything I wanted for my life ahead. FEAR did drive much of my decision making.
I look at all of this now and smile. I still have the moments of fear but they are, in most cases, quickly replaced with the calm knowing this is my past, it is not me today. Fear owned me not so long ago. This is no longer true. God is amazing in how He patiently grows us as we keep ourselves focused on Him.
As I sit at my computer to write today’s entry I have an abundance of thoughts going through my mind. Do I want to confess what I’m learning about me at this present time? I’ve written so many times about my barometer for living a “christian life” was to not be like my brother or my dad. If my sins didn’t harm others the way they harmed me, I was OK. Today is different. I have learned to keep my eyes on Jesus. Keeping my eyes on Jesus is showing me just how much He and I are different. I let my will have its way at times. I let my pride get the best of me. I understand my weakness, my inability to use my strength to battle temptations.
Jesus wants me to live for Him this day. In this day I have full access to Him. Tomorrow I will have it again. In all this I’ve awakened to Him and me. He has brought me to the foot of the Cross where I stand/kneel with my dad and brother and our sins. Christ has done for all of them what He promises. How grateful I am for our Savior and Lord–Jesus Christ!
I wrote yesterday about falling into the use of my own strength when I battle temptations forgetting momentarily that only in God’s Strength can one overcome. Today’s devotional message brings this out again. It reminds the reader that we have no fleshly power over Satan. He can overpower us. However, Christ has all power over Satan. So, remembering to surrender our temptation to Christ and letting Him address Satan is paramount.
Living for Jesus is my heart’s desire. But, living for Jesus while in my flesh is a daily surrender. As a kid I thought I needed to be strong so I’d not let the abuse taking place overcome me. What I sure didn’t know was that thinking I needed to be strong only fed false confidence. Today, as an older adult, I call it pride. I don’t want pride ever standing in the way of living for Christ so daily surrendering my will is critical. Along with surrendering it, I need to confess it to a trusted believer.
I’ve never been one to walk away from something I know God is wanting me to address. However, in so doing, I have stumbled over and over. It is one thing to know God is nudging, it is another thing to follow the nudge under God’s Strength instead of taking the bull by the horns and doing it from your own strength and messing it all up.
The 90 day book I mention so often is a case in point. In it the challenge is to operate in the day under God’s Strength. However, even after 118 days I find myself shifting into my own strength and doing so without even recognizing it until afterwards. I suppose this is true for everyone, but it sure is a good reminder that our flesh is in constant need of surrender.
The Serenity Prayer tells to commit to “one day at a time, one moment at a time….” There is very good reason for this and I am one who always needs to keep this in the forefront of my day’s start and throughout it. So, today I am committed to 24 hours in Your Strength God, surrendering my flesh.
I have to use the 90 day book again this morning, Freedom Starts Today. Its message is profound. We have likely seen elephants which will stay in one place for an endless amount of time just because they have a slight rope tied to their ankle. They were taken at a young age and had a ring of spikes put around the ankle so if they tried to pull away the spikes would penetrate their tough skin and give sheering pain. Thus, now they are bound with a small rope for life out of fear.
How many of us are bound to something insignificant that overpowers us? It can be anything that deters our attention from the Christ-likeness growing within us from giving our lives to Christ and now having His Holy Spirit within. This insignificant item seems all powerful at times of temptation (and it can be strengthened even more if our flesh simply wants it). Knowing that the Strength of God Himself is within us is momentarily forgotten. However, God has provided a way of escape (I Corinthians 10:13) that snaps that little rope tied to our ankle. It is confessing the temptation ahead of stepping into it. Call your accountability person (the person you trust) James 5:16.
When I read this devotional 90 days ago about the elephant I was hit by the message knowing I’m young at full reliance on The Holy Spirit’s Power in me. Today, as I read this again, I am hit by the POWER within me I can easily use to break the ties to sin and I’m not so young any longer. God just keeps growing us (me) wanting us to be more like His Son. Boy, do I want to be a good student for Him!
How many times does one need to fail trying to change from their own strength before he realizes only the Savior of man–Jesus Christ can bring about the change. There is nothing man can do from his flesh that begins to touch what Christ has already done for us–we just need to accept it as His Gift!
The list is endless if we try to put on paper all of the sins of mankind that Christ has forgiven on the Cross. Our selfishness knows no limits, but greater than our selfishness is the Love and Grace of our Lord Jesus. Today’s devotional time has emphasized this Forgiveness from Christ Jesus. God our Father doesn’t want to lose any of us kids so He has created a way for us to Him that is so simple. Turn to Jesus and ask Him into one’s life so He becomes our Light to freedom.
Learning to let Christ’s Light shine into my day one day at a time has been so awakening/transforming for me. My mind wants to continuously jump ahead into the tomorrows. I don’t find any temptations in the tomorrows. But, staying in the present each day I find with Christ there is no temptation that He won’t confront for us if we will only let Him do it from His Strength. (I Corinthians 10:13) What a blessed Savior we have!
One day at a time. This statement needs to be in the forefront of everything I do. Even when I’m in the midst of doing something in the day my mind is already in the tomorrows. Yet, God is in the today and will be with me in the today when the tomorrows become the today. All the time I spend in the tomorrow is worthless if the time there is only fretting. I can see that planning is good as long as I keep in mind that adjustments are likely when tomorrow is actually today. I realize this seems somewhat absurd but it is a genuine reality for me.
As I was having my devotions I became very aware of God’s freedom. It can be called “peace that passeth all understanding” Philippians 4:7. This freedom is a lifetime promise and it is found “one day at a time”.
This book, Freedom Starts Today, emphasizes over and over our commitment to live sober for the 24 hours of today. It is easy to only think about the “one item” one is wanting sobriety from while in the 24 hours. However, this reality of God’s Presence in the 24 hours impacts everything about us now that I’m finally awakening to its bigger reality. I don’t want to fret over what God is going to do as I plan for the tomorrows. I want to be in the freedom that what God does when tomorrow arrives will be just what is needed. I think this is called TRUST!
The longer I live the more I understand that I will never (while in the flesh of life on this earth) understand the depth of God’s love for me–you and me. Last night’s lesson for Celebrate Recovery was Gratitude. We took a look at Gratitude from 4 areas: Gratitude for God, Gratitude for others, Gratitude for Celebrate Recovery and Gratitude for our church. In each case it was so easy for me to put specifics in the category helping me reflect on all of the wondrous help God has given to me over the years.
When man works with man we can never do what God does with our hurts, hang-ups and habits if we don’t include Him in the process. Man can do much with helping people see their problems/struggles and the need to let the burden of them go. But then there is the need to help them not go back to the same issues. Only God can give us the capability of this through His transforming of our mind/beliefs. Not only does God do this when we include Him, but He then turns the burden/s we have tried so hard to surrender on our own into His tools to help others see hope for themselves.
I marvel at this truth every day! How wonderful our God is!
This morning’s devotional time brought out a new reality for me which I’ve needed to learn/understand. It is nothing new to know that we are a new creation when we ask Jesus into our lives accepting Him as our Savior. We can also make Him Lord of our lives when we surrender our all to Him. Being a new creation has been somewhat of a mystery to me because I still have the temptations of the flesh and why would a new creation have them? If someone asked me this question I would tell them that we are still of the flesh until death and the flesh has its selfishness. Thus, the selfishness of flesh is going to be tempted.
This morning as I went through my devotional time God opened my mind to a piece of understanding I’ve needed. Yes, indeed, I’m a new creation, but the access to the power of this truth is available today for addressing my flesh. The years of abuse in my childhood caused me to DESIRE living without anymore temptations. Temptations and abuse were synonymous terms. I’ve separated them in my mind, but I hadn’t in my daily living. I don’t know what being tempted would be like if I hadn’t been abused. I’d always attributed the fact that my abuse led me into the temptations of today. Awakening to the truth that my flesh would be tempted regardless of any past is real.
Knowing that God is I AM lets me know that no matter the temptation, today I will be able to draw upon His Power to confront it using the armor He gives us as promised in Ephesians 6:11-13. Tomorrow I will do this again. This is the new creation living in the flesh. The power of this is in today. When tomorrow is today it will be available again! I get it now! I grew up never living in today for today had abuse in it. That is no longer true and I can and will live in today for today is where my God and I are with one another. Wow, this truth makes me well up in tears of joy!
Psalms 139:14 says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” I have needed to spend years reading this verse and putting my name into it, say it out loud to myself looking into a mirror and making eye contact with myself. I have done all of this to reprogram my mind so I could believe this verse is true for me. In doing all of this I have always wanted to keep it a secret because I have to fight the message that comes into my mind whenever I do it. The message is, “boy, are you ever arrogant“!
Over and over again, I find the need to remind ones who come for counseling that this verse is true for them. Each time I do I hear them say that this makes them feel uncomfortable because they are arrogant if they say this to themselves or believe it for themselves. I then share my own experience and need to do this too for the same reason. I then add that the outcome of believing this is a humble confidence that you are loved and created by God.
There is no arrogance in knowing that God loves us and created each one of us fearfully and wonderfully. I love this truth for God didn’t give us His Word for some of us–it is for ALL of us!
Earnie Lewis 