The post today in the 90 day book I’m working through for the second time had a message which I’m pondering in my mind. Its focus is addressing how much do I embrace the worldly possessions I have? A critical question he asks is, “Do your possessions own you or do you own them”? It is a powerful question and one that each of us needs to ponder. He says he had a sign made which hangs in his home that reads: THIS HOME AIN’T HOME.

Growing up in a home where we had little except one another, I didn’t get too attached to anything. When I went through my divorce many years ago I walked away with my clothes and my rototiller. I had to buy a second vehicle for we only had one up until that time. I do enjoy the things we have in our home. They make life much more comfortable. However, as I take a look at all that is in our home I can say that my family is the most important earthly possession and I don’t really own them, I just love being part of their lives and they being part of mine.

I lived so long desiring a close relationship with God wanting Him to love me. Now that I know a good deal more about just how much He does love you and me, there just isn’t anything that comes close to this desire except that longing to spend eternity with Him and all of our family on earth.

It is truly summer. The days are hot and the nights don’t cool down very much either. However, the garden loves this weather and the fruit of it is coming into full swing. I started a 5 gallon crock of pickles yesterday after getting home (14 day sweet pickle kind), froze another gallon of blackberries, picked 3 doz. ears of corn and today I’ll pick the beans and start the canning of them. I kind of love all of this!

There is a contentment and peace God gives when we surrender all to Him. I have known periods of this peace at moments in my life, but right behind it was great fear. The fear was always that if people found out about who the real me was, I would be excommunicated from church, my school and my community. Peace was superficial at best. Today, however, the peace that passeth all understanding is present and real. There are always things I wish could be different, but I can put them in God’s Hands and leave them with Him. I have to do this often sometimes, but the peace, assurance is amazing.

How I love this opportunity to be free in God’s Love!

Today is my wife’s birthday! When I was journaling earlier I was thanking God for the gift she has been to me. She was the first person I’d ever told my past to and with that, she was the first one to encourage me to get help. Now, 40+ years later, she is the one who stays by my side as God has me using my past as a tool in His Hands to help others. Her faithfulness mirrors the fiathfulness of God’s. She is also the very one my kids say model what a true mother is like. That is a genuine Gift from God!

God’s blessedness is given in so many ways. Today I want to take a look at them and reflect for a moment with praise and thanksgiving for His Goodness. What a wonderful God He is!

I love how God works. For several years as I was going through my own counseling/therapy I felt as though it was the most painful part of living. Yet, at the same time I also knew I was making progress. The truth that the grusome lies, the darkness kept in closets within me were all beginning to be taken out of me by my telling them to the counselor. With her help I was not only taking them outside of me, but I was putting them in a safe place where they could not re-enter. I was actually surrendering them to Jesus so they could be buried at the foot of the Cross never to be brought against me again.

I didn’t understand all of this as clearly as I do today. Trusting the process was out of sheer obedience hoping what others had in the way of freedom might also be true for me. I wasn’t sure God would do all that He has done to transform me and what I believed about myself. However, all that God promises has become true for me. I write all of this today because God has given me this marvelous opportunity to assist others in finding the same love, grace, mercy and FREEDOM I have found. The Trust I have found in God’s Promises are real for each one of us if we will only take a simple step of seeking the help God offers.

Our God longs to bring us back into His Arms of love and protection from Satan’s ugly lies and deception. “Let Him have His way with thee,” as the words of the old hymn says.

This morning God has opened my eyes to another area of growth I’ve needed to find. This has to do with my emotions. Every since Star Trek came along as a TV program I’ve “idolized” Spock. He was the very one who always had complete control of himself and made wise choices in the heat of major issues. I wanted to be just like him. My example growing up with dad was a man who made ugly choices from his emotional rages. I sure didn’t want to be like him.

Yesterday I wrote about surrendering my pride and humbly confessing “one to another”. In so doing, The Holy Spirit can do His cleansing and healing work in me/in each of us. As I was journaling today God was pointing out that pride and humility are in the emotions category. All of a sudden I realize I WANT to appreciate my emotions and I stopped to thank God for giving me emotions and that I finally could see them as a GIFT rather than a threat. They are a part of the “fearfully and wonderfully made” creation as Psalms 139:14 tells us.

Once again, God has personalized a lesson for me–part of His Spiritual, special education work. I leaning to love being a special education student!

My present lessons from God have a common thread for me–learning to live fully surrendered to His Holy Spirit’s leading in my life. I’ve tried to do this for many, many years. The problem has been who was doing the work of “trying”. I’m learning to replace trying with surrender. In my devotional time this morning God helped me see something about surrender I haven’t understood until His Light got my attention.

James 5:16 tells us to confess one to another so we can be healed. It goes on to say that the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective. I’ve tried to rely on this verse for many years now since I learned its importance in Celebrate Recovery. Today it personalized more deeply for me. As I confess my temptations and my sinfulness I humble myself in so doing. Confessing makes me surrender my pridefulness in wanting to keep any of this need between God and me, leaving out “one to another”. I’ve known this truth, but today I suddenly realize that it is when I “humble” myself telling “one to another” that The Holy Spirit can now come into my humility replacing my sinful pride. The confessing displacing the pridefulness with God’s Holy Spirit and now I have His Strength instead of my self-reliance which has never worked.

Often I think I’m part of God’s special education course for learning to live for Him. But, as I write this I realize God personalizes lessons for all of us so maybe we are all part of God’s SPECIAL education course!

If only I had the capability to look ahead 24 hours I’d never need to worry, fret, an plan excessively. I’d be able to see just how things would be working out and I could just plan accordingly. Well, I know this is never the case. However, if I TRUST GOD as I live the 24 hours of today, I am not needing to worry or fret and I can actually PRAISE GOD for what He will be doing that I get to take part in. I simply plan according to what I presently know to do and TRUST from there. Well, truth be known, this has never been an easy task for me. I have times when it seems to come easily, but for the most part, I only praise God after the fact and try not to fret too much.

Yesterday’s message about my day of counseling and the singing event last night and my worrying is my perfect example of what I’m writing about. The best example of this for yesterday is a couple who are coming and the husband is hoping to redeem their marriage. It was on course for divorce. I had several potential steps I was wanting to draw from when they arrived. Well, I simply set them all aside for I was stunned at what God had already done. He and they were already on the restoration track. Why do I fret when I know God does this?

Today’s commitment is to live fully in the next 24 hours with God’s Spirit within me taking full charge so I live by His leading and my full surrender. Last night’s concert was another example of what I’m writing. I didn’t need to worry about “voice”. God’s Voice was heard and the audience said this over and over afterwards. Trusting God and Praising Him ahead of time is a lesson I’ve repeatedly needed!

The faithfulness of God is so amazing. I can stumble around with my own fears when all I have to do is surrender the fears and let God lead me through the day.

Today is a full day of counseling and then hurry to a neighboring town where our quartet is singing for a group of folks. I was concerned about staying tuned in to all I hear from clients and being able to respond to them well and still have a good “singing voice” for tonight’s concert. I want all of it to glorify God and show Him, not me. Yet, I feared this rather than trusted God in it.

As I have gone through my devotional time God has reminded me once again of His genuine ability to complete all that is to be done today. I don’t need to fret about any of it unless I am going to remove Him from the picture. That I’m not wanting to do! Yet, my fear was already starting to do this. I’m glad to be fully awake now to God’s Strength within me and His ability to complete all that is to be done in this day! Why would I ever want to trust my lack of strength when I have God’s limitless Strength within me waiting to be drawn upon?

I’m reminded today of God’s love and mercy. Along with this love and mercy He gives to us, He is extremely patient in waiting for us to receive it. I spent most of my life asking God to remove the vicious memories of my childhood abuse so I could “live freely”. Along with these memories I wanted Him to remove all of the tormenting temptations I had which entered in my life and added more shame to whom I thought I was. I couldn’t see or find God’s love and mercy for me when He was unwilling to act on my requests/pleas. Why would He want me to suffer all of it when I knew He didn’t treat anyone else this way?

As I’ve begun to share what I kept inside as my secrets I’ve found that the world is full of people holding secrets. They may not be secrets like my own, but the reason for not sharing them was driven by fear and shame just like mine were. When I share mine, they are willing to begin to share their own. Only then did I begin to find that freedom to “live freely”.

My definition for God’s love and mercy was to grant my pleas. Instead, God was wanting me to begin to respond to His Spirit’s nudges within me. Today, I understand much more fully this love and mercy of God which is fully accompanied with GRACE. It is received when I act on God’s nudges. God’s nudges are given for completing His Purposes. As I’ve awakened to all of this, my desire to share my past rather than hide it has changed completely. In sharing I find the great reward of watching God dismantle other’s shackles just as He has done my own!

It seems some of the messages I write get repeated over and over. Well, there is another one I want to hit upon today. This 90 day focus on one day at a time for finding real freedom from any struggle is a fundamental truth. It is simply impossible for the flesh to be so strong each and every day to never step into an area of struggle and stay clean from it. It is only from the Strength of God that this can be done and it can only be accomplished in the present day for which we are living. This connection to God calling Himself I AM is all about this.

It is easy to read the name I AM and know that it means right now. However, being awake to I AM when one is in the midst of the struggle’s tug is an entirely different thing. Becoming so focused on this truth is a growth any Christian needs to find. My word, I’ve been a Christian a very long time and I’m just now beginning to see this significance for the enormity it is! I’ve always wanted to be free of my past’s torments and from porn for my lifetime. Yet, only now do I begin to see the freedom of what I’ve longed for in today. I don’t need to worry that tomorrow may be a horrible temptation day. Tomorrow will be today when it arrives and I will have the power of I AM with me at that time.

Isn’t all of this AMAZING?! I hope I’m not boring you with these repeated messages, but as this fundamental truth sinks further into deep meaning for me, I want to share it just in case there is a reader needing the same deeper reality for themselves.