I just reread what I had written on the 8th, my last entry.  The past couple of days I was unable to connect.  As I look back on these past days I see why it is important to disconnect from man and connect more fully with God the Creator.  We got back home last early evening.  I felt like I’d been in a time warp.  It is so good to be disconnected for a short time so one can see differently what has been weighing them down and the weight keeping one from seeing what God has wanted them to see.

I found myself at Yellowstone thinking just how magical the place is.  Man has all kinds of evolutionary ideas about the “below the earth” development of the place.  But only God knows what it is truly like below what we see.  Then, this morning while it was still dark and I was having my devotions, God said to look up.  As I did I instantly realized that this minute spot on earth is almost invisible to the immensity of the universe still waiting to be explored.  There is so much to what God has waiting for us if we will just look up.  The issues of man are and can be overwhelming at times.  Looking up to see that this God of Creation has not only created us, but has a mighty plan for each one of us as we are able to find Him.

The other thing that is truly BIG to me this morning is FREEDOM.  Yes, our country’s freedom is immense and so appreciated.  However, I am referencing the freedom which comes only from the GRACE OF GOD.  This recent awakening God has provided me regarding the absence of mom’s intimacy and its connection to my thinking about my value to God and man seems gone.  I’m sure there are times when I’ll have thoughts of this nature again, but I now have the ability to tell its source where He can go for I am not alone any longer.  The intimacy of my God and Savior is also now my Protector.  I not only can claim this, but I now believe it fully as true.  It is true for you too if you ever struggle as I have all my life.  Take whatever time you need to work this through with God and seek help if needed.  The outcome is nothing less than a Miracle of Grace awaiting for you.

Yesterday God pointed out the significance of the term Selah in the Psalms. Today I see why.  As I was reading the Word this am it seemed to clearly define what God has wanted me to know for years. 

In Psalms 68:20 it says that God is to us a God of deliverance AND salvation and to God belongs escape from death (being set free). Later in the same chapter and verse 28 it says that God has commanded your strength (your might in His service and impenetrable hardness to temptation). It then goes on to say, “Oh God, display your might and strengthen what you have wrought for us.”

As I read all of this I couldn’t help but see so clearly what God has wanted me to know for so long. He didn’t just give me salvation, but He has wanted me to know His deliverance from the impenetrable hardness of temptation. My belief system was so confused and compromised from the abuses of my past and the absence of any nurture from mom. Yet, in spite of this, God’s promise didn’t change for me, He has waited for me to finally find the Truth of His promises. What I had thought could only die in me with physical death is now dead and my belief in God’s promise is alive in me replacing the lie Satan had planted so long ago. 

How much I want to help others find this freedom from the lies in their own beliefs of themselves. God has freedom awaiting. Celebrate Recovery says to not quit until the miracle happens. It has happened and I praise God’s Holy Name!

This morning God showed me a lesson I’m sure I’ve needed to learn for many years. It all started reading in Psalms and the word Selah. Joyce Meyer says the word selah means to pause and think about. She brings out that God wants us to read his word not just to know it but to let it sink into our inner being–our soul to impact our spiritual self. It sounds so odd but this is not new information. What is new is awakening to the fact that I’ve spent my whole life wanting to know Gods word and hoping it would impact my living. I’ve seen Selah lots of times in the Psalms. Now this one word has become a command–pause. 

How much I’ve needed to pause and let God speak to my soul. No wonder He wants to have the intimate relationship with us. Only in intimacy can someone reach into the guarded soul of our life. No wonder God tells us to guard how we influence little children. It says in Matthew it is better to be thrown into the midst of the sea with a millstone around our neck than to influence a child to do wrong. Little did I know how much I needed to trust my God and how much I didn’t until He has awakened me to this rich intimacy we are having today. He is the One True God. How grateful I am!  

We are in Yellowstone with our daughters family. This is fun. Yesterday I wrote how much I was stressing over all the work I was leaving undone at home. I said God had reminded me it was His work and not mine. I was to help Him, not to try and take it over. 

Today I see the beauty in serving God and being on His team. He is the One and only True God. He controls His Kingdom work. I don’t want to. I can relax and enjoy our time here. What God wants me doing He will have for me when I return. I do love that.

This is the Lords Day. Let us rejoice and be glad in it! 

Kathy and I will be leaving  in about 1.5 hrs for our Yellowstone trip.  As I was journaling this morning I was going over all the things needing to be addressed with Celebrate Recovery, Aslan project, another ministry work I’m doing with one of our pastors and….  Just like that The Holy Spirit prompted me to “be still”.  As I paused He said, “I asked you to join Me in My Kingdom Work.  That doesn’t mean taking it over.  Go on your trip and let this go because I’m not leaving it.  You can rejoin it when you return.”  Boy, did that jolt me into a reality I needed to hear and hold on to.  For so long I did everything I could to be “good enough” in all my work so I would be pleasing to God.  Now He is rerouting my thinking and actions so I remember always that the work is His and I am assisting Him with it.

As we are approaching the kick-off of a new year with Celebrate Recovery we always take a look at what has worked well, what needs some overhaul and what may need to be added.  It also is a time when many of the workers become tired and hope that there is someone to take their place for the coming year.  I have always become anxious inside with this time approaching.  I think I have to complete all these assignments in order for CR to be a success.  This morning’s message of God truly helped me see the sinfulness in my own thinking.  I don’t want to try and own the work I do for God’s Kingdom.  Now that I am much more awake, I want to be a good assistant and keep myself in that realm of believing.  All of God’s Kingdom Work, in man’s eyes, seems dependent upon man’s volunteers.  Well, I don’t have to be the one generating the volunteers unless God is nudging me to do so with someone.  His Holy Spirit is a far better nudger.    I’ll let Him do His work and I’ll do what He has asked me to do.  That is very freeing.  Now, off we go!

The fishing trip was a big success.  Everyone was catching fish the entire time.  The boys had a blast.  Last night before heading to a meeting for the Aslan project, I fixed the fish and the one grandson said, “This is rated #5.”  I’m hoping that wasn’t on a 1-10 scale–but I didn’t ask.

God is working with me and I see Him working around me.  Today I sense Him wanting me to complete an assignment He gave me a couple days ago.  A gentleman who, with all good intentions, dominates in a ministry area and has run off some people in a “less than godly way”.  I found, it was actually sent to me, an article that clearly states what he needs to hear.  I have a meeting with him this morning and I’m sharing this with him.  I have prayed for God’s Holy Spirit to be honored as I believe he doesn’t want to be responding to people as he does.  I do want to be obedient to God.

Most of today is prepping to go to Yellowstone Park tomorrow.  Kathy and I are meeting up with our Oklahoma City kids there.  As I say this I know I will be out of routine as far as posting here.  I will do the best I can as I know my journey doesn’t end just because I have a moment of fun in it.  However, we are looking forward to the trip.  I had mentioned at Celebrate Recovery last Wed. eve that I hadn’t been to Yellowstone for 49 years.  One man said, “That must have been when they called “Old Faithful”– “Faithful”!  We laughed and then I hit him.

God is so good.  Hearing and obeying is my assignment for today.  Hearing is the key and obeying is all about hearing throughout the day.  To God be all Glory.

Isn’t it fun when the journey pauses at a lake for a time of fishing?  Today is that day.  My brother is taking 3 of my grandsons and me fishing in his boat.  My grandsons had a difficult time getting to sleep last night due to their excitement.  The two younger ones are 6&7.  They haven’t been in a boat before so this adds to their eagerness.

So, even when there is much going on around us, a time out for fishing adds a moment of soul refreshing.  God is always at work–even with a fishing pole in hand!

If you have read about Moses and God meeting with him regarding the Israelites in Egypt, you know that God told Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.  Tell the Israelites, I AM sent you.”  I’ve heard lots of sermons over the years mostly dwelling on the fact that I AM is a present state name.  God is eternal and yet we know Him in the present–today.  We can trust that He is always the same.

I start with this because God is awakening me to my own “I am”.  In II Corinthians 5:17 it says: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new….”  I have had “New Creation” written on the upper part of my prayer list for well over a year now.  Each time I remake the list I always put it there.  I do this to remind myself to pray that I will live like I am suppose to–a new creation.  Yes, I was striving to do this and it was with good intentions.

Most recently God has pointed out a simple, yet profound truth.  He says that one of His names is I AM.  He then pointed out to me that when I accepted Christ into my heart He made me a new creation.  So when I say this I say, “I am a new creation.”  Look at the first two words of this sentence–I am.  This is so simple but for me it is so profound.  I don’t need to be striving any longer for this.  Accepting the truth of it is what I do.

In today’s devotional time I’m reading Psalms.  Psalms 40:6 says to hear and obey God.  When I read this God instantly pointed out that He wanted me to hear His message of a few days ago–“I am a new creation”.  He wants me to hear it and obey it.  Obey for me means believe it once and for all.  So, I am now a firm believer that not only is each one of you who has accepted Christ into your heart a new creation–I am too!  I don’t mean to be trite about this.  I am very serious in replacing my old thinking with God’s healing.

Today’s journey is all about family, at least as it begins.  It is 6:00 am and I returned 30 minutes ago from taking my daughter and two grandkids to the airport to return to Oklahoma City after being here a week helping with the newest member of our family.  Little Ivy is very sweet but she is still only one week old today and mom has her hands full.  I want to be helpful, but in a supportive way.

All of our kids and grandkids were together for several hours yesterday.  It was so nice to have this happen.  We even got a picture of the 12 grandkids with us.  That is such a treat.  I pray for each of them during my devotional time.  I have to release what I want to have happen for each of them knowing my role as grandpa is not to be the parent and certainly not to be their god.  I want to model a Godly life for them and leave it there.  I catch myself worrying and then I start all over reminding myself of my role to my kids and to my grandkids.

God has been teaching me a great deal about Himself and myself in my most recent journey days.  Being a good student never goes away.  If I am going to be a good model for God, I need to have been a good student and continue to be one.  That is truly a “one day at a time” item.  To God be the Glory!

Today is a very important anniversary for me personally.  It was a year ago today that I began to journal to God rather than to Jesus.  I’ve told bits and pieces of this over the year, but this being the anniversary, I want to be reminiscent and write it out.  I didn’t know at first why God wanted me journaling to Him.  I thought I was doing the right thing journaling to Jesus–after all, Jesus was the one God sent for us to be our perfect example of living out our lives and He was the One who made it possible to come to our Father for eternity.  However, on July 31, 2016 God asked me to journal to Him rather than to His Son.  So, I did.

In a few days of doing this I started one morning feeling very unworthy of journaling to God Almighty.  I told Him so.  Instead of switching back to journaling to Jesus, God said he wanted me journaling to Him.  He said He’d sent Jesus to be my example and to pave the way for me to eternity, but not to replace Him.  Little did I know down deep within me how much I feared God–not a Godly type fear, but genuine fear as I use to have of my dad when I was young.

In the past year God has demonstrated intimacy to me like I never knew possible.  Most of this has come through the journaling.  I always ask at the end of my journaling time what He wants me to know for the day?  Invariably He tells me how much He loves me and enjoys our time together each morning.  There is usually instruction in it too, but what I enjoy most is the intimacy with Him.

Most recently He gave me a gift of healing I never thought I could have.  This I’ve told also in the past few weeks but it ties in with today’s entry so I want to address it here also.  About 4 weeks ago the lesson in our 7-Pillars class was entitled: My Grievance Story.  From it I had to address a hurt I hadn’t ever wanted to face.  This hurt was from my mom.  The pain of hurt caused by dad’s physical abuse and his emotional abuse along with my brother’s sexual abuse pain was faced in the three years, 2009-2012.  But, the absence of mom’s emotional concern for me was never addressed, talked about but now faced.  In this lesson I came face to face with this beast.  I ended up calling my counselor from the three years I’d spent overcoming dad and Rich’s abuse.  She told me she was glad I was now facing this.  She said if we don’t admit the truth of hurt and pain we can never forgive it.  That wise statement sunk in this time.  I was able to talk with mom–even though she’s been gone for 18 years–and tell her I forgave her.  Since this time God has been filling this hole with His own love and care.  I wish I could put better words to this but all I can say is I don’t feel empty anymore.  The yearning to be worthwhile, meaningful, loved is gone.  I actually feel content inside–complete.  This has been the miraculous healing God has presently given me.

Celebrate Recovery talks about,  “Don’t quit until the miracle happens.”  I can honestly say I’ve had several of these moments over the past 9 years.  However, this particular one ties so directly into my trust and faith in the God who created me to be like him–not to have to earn this nature, but receive it and accept it as a Gift from His Son–Jesus Christ when we ask Him into our hearts.  He gives us His Holy Spirit.  I’ve known this for years, now I believe it and can live it–one day at at time, one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to PEACE.