As I wrote yesterday’s entry I expressed my nervousness about speaking to the bible study group. Well, it seemed to go well. It was funny to do the phone session I had at 8:00 am. The young man was seeking help to deal with his anxiety and overthinking about things in his life. I told him I felt as though I was counseling him with advise I needed for my own issues. God sure has a way of bringing His Light into what seems as darkness until these issues are brought out into the open by expressing them to someone else.

Last night at Celebrate Recovery we had a couple of new men attending–both young men. Each one of them had recently had their struggles brought into light and now they were reaching out. I had the opportunity to do their 101 (session to acquaint new comers with all that Celebrate Recovery has to offer). I was deeply moved by their needs and their desire to step out of their old behaviors to hopefully find freedom. They both expressed their fear in coming but how welcome they felt and the safety they also felt in sharing why they’d come. Those are critical elements we always want to have in place for any and all who come no matter how long they’ve been attending.

There is nothing like seeing God at work. I don’t care what the issues are which one brings out into the open, if they are doing so seeking God’s help, He is always there ready to offer it. We just need to take that one needed step–seek help. God simply waits for us to knock for the door does open when we do. GOD IS AMAZINGLY GOOD!

Thursdays are usually a day with a quiet morning where I can do yard work/gardening/watering, etc. Not today. I was asked last Sunday to talk to a bible study group this morning at 10 am. They want me to talk to them about Celebrate Recovery connected to my personal story. Just writing this stirs a nervousness inside. There is a reason I was asked due to someone in their group who I don’t know having shared his own need a week ago. So, I’m sharing for his sake. I just want to be a good servant in times like this.

Additionally, yesterday a young man I was seeing for a few months text asking if he could have a phone appointment soon. He has moved to Texas. So, this appointment is at 8 am. It is a good thing actually, it keeps my mind off of the 10 am time. Then, later yesterday I was called that my pickup, which needed some repair work, is ready. Kathy is transporting our two youngest grandkids to VBS so she can’t help with the pickup until it’s almost time to start counseling this afternoon.

Anyway, I write all of this only to tell how God takes care of details. I don’t like lag time when I’m speaking as I am at 10. I just want to get it started so my anxiousness subsides. Well, God has the morning well handled so I don’t have any “lag moments”. It makes me smile just writing this reality. I do love our Heavenly Father and how He cares!

The focus of today–PRAISE HIM! Yesterday’s counseling sessions seemed to primarily center around each one’s need to embrace what they are facing in their own life and praise God for creating themselves the way He did. So often we beat ourselves up for the “weaknesses we possess”. We completely overlook the idea that what we call a weakness has great strength in another realm. Sensitivity is one of these examples.

Men often get beat up emotionally when they are sensitive to others. Sensitivity is suppose to be a feminine characteristic. Why would a man be sensitive unless he is feminine rather than manly? This is what our culture teaches boys and men. Sensitivity is a strength if only we allow God to use the sensitivity He created us to have for His purposes in our lives. There is just nothing better than someone offering help sensitively to one in need. This sensitive person seems to understand just what the need is and how to give accordingly. God’s Holy Spirit is the core to this sensitivity. What could be a greater GIFT than this?

Our culture has done a cruel and destructive thing labeling manhood as it does. God’s sensitivity that He gives generously to some should be praised rather than cursed. How I love God and how I want to learn to thank Him for all He has done and is doing!

“When you’re up against a struggle that shatters all your dreams and your hopes have been cruelly crushed by Satan’s manifested schemes. And you feel the urge within you to submit to earthly fears, don’t let the faith you’re standing in seem to disappear–PRAISE THE LORD!” These words of the song–Praise the Lord, came to me this morning as I was struggling through something before me. I was journaling about this struggle and asking Jesus just what He wanted me to do with it? Immediately these words came to me–Praise the Lord.

The idea of praising God in the midst of a struggle is so counter to our flesh. All I want to do is cry out to God for help and He wants me to cry out to Him in praise. It is not that I haven’t experienced the value of this lesson before. But let some time pass and I have to learn it all over again. Somehow, God uses all of our struggles for His Glory when we finally get our eyes off of the struggle and onto Him.

Only God can take the struggles of our flesh and turn them into His blessings. I’ve had to learn this lesson many times and today I’ve now chalked up another time I’ve learned this same lesson! I’m so glad God is so Patient!

Yesterday at church I was asked by a friend if I’d be willing to come to their bible study this coming week and share my story. Someone in their group last week was talking about his recovery program at his church and he was told about our Celebrate Recovery. In telling him this, my name was brought up which led to me coming to tell my story. It just so happens that their study is in the morning on Thursday’s and I don’t start counseling that day until after lunch so I said I’d be there.

This morning as I was journaling I was wondering who I could give the extra spinach to I have in my garden. It was a good crop this year and I didn’t want it to go to waste. Later in the journaling when I asked Jesus what I was to know from Him for today, I was told it is fine to give what I raise to others, but most importantly is that I share with others what God has done for me. This has eternal value for others while spinach only lasts a meal.

Jesus knew just where my heart was as He told me this. Of course I was going to share my story. Yet, inside I am anxious in so doing. It is one thing to share my story with a group coming for help. I know why they are there. Also, it is easy to share with those who come for counseling help for the same reason. But, when ones are present who are already just fine, well, that’s where I tremble. I needed God’s reminder this morning that our outward appearance is just that–outward. He knows our hearts and He wants me to share from my heart what He has so patiently and gently transformed over the many years. This I want to share. GOD IS SO GOOD!

Three of the four members of our quartet are reaching the mid 70’s in age. Other than some minor voice adjustments, we seem fine–that is until yesterday. Our organizer and tech person who puts the sound together as we set up each time for events, wasn’t there when two of us arrived. We know how to assemble the big parts, speakers, etc., but the sound board and all that is connected to it is done by this absent one. When he arrived 30 mins late, nothing is said, he just comes in and starts to put this together. With this, we were unable to warm up or sound test. This man’s wife had already told me upon their arrival that he had taken a nap and overslept. Inside I was chuckling as we have been friends for most of our lives. In my emotions I was very uptight. I really need the warm-up to let my spirit get aligned with God’s Spirit so I can truly worship as I sing.

The warm-up and sound adjustments had to be done in front of the audience while we began for we were now into start time. They were very friendly and didn’t even seem to care. Well, this morning we are singing again at church. I’m sure we will all be there on time and God will be glorified once again. These little reminders of growing old are not kind!

Today is a beautiful one. The early morning is cool and the summer heat is forthcoming. The garden is happy to have this temperature as it grows best in days like this so with that–I call this a beautiful day!

Today our quartet sings for the assisted living place I mentioned a few days ago. I’ve always been glad to sing for God’s Glory. As I’ve written so many times, I hoped the singing would not only bring God Glory, but it would also bless Him enough that He would take away my torment buried deep within me by obliterating it. Why wouldn’t He do for me just what He says He does for Himself–removes it as far as the east is from the west never to be remembered? Psalm 103.

Well, all these years later, I better understand why He doesn’t remove them for us. Our past is a good reminder why our present needs to be so much different. Once I began to more fully obey God’s nudges and obey His Word by “confessing one to another” and so on, I can see why. So often my past is my entry point with a client who is struggling. When they know my past they are unafraid to share their own and begin their own walk to God’s Freedom.

Today I look forward to experiencing the joy of worship with others as we sing praises to our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ!

As I began to journal this morning I started to write how much I love Jesus. And, that is true! I then quickly started to reflect onto yesterday to thank Jesus for it. It was then I recalled a couple of instances which had not re-entered my mind as of yet. The one happened to be my last counseling session before I went to our Celebrate Recovery worship practice. This session was intended to be an opportunity for a father who had sexually abused his daughter many years ago, now begin to rebuild a long, sought after, loving relationship which the daughter longed to have. Amends and forgiveness had been stated in previous sessions. What took place, however, only deepened old wounds. Selfishness reared its ugly head. The session needed to end which it did.

The session reminded me of my own attempt 30+ years ago to have my own dad face his abuse to his kids. He had asked me why none of the kids ever came to see him? They seemed only interested in their mom. I opened the topic of his controlling/beatings abuse to us while we were growing up and he should apologize for it. I won’t go into all that happened subsequent to this, but dad did what he’d always done and made me the mockery only deepening the wounds in his kids. One of my brothers had said to me afterwards, “Earnie, when will you ever learn that dad isn’t going to change? You need to accept that and quit trying.”

Yesterday I needed to share with a saddened daughter a similar statement. Yes, nothing is impossible with God. However, we can never lose sight that God granted choice to man. God longs for reconciliation to take place, but God never insists for He has granted choice. This father wanted to determine what his daughter’s forgiveness should look like not taking a look at his own flesh.

God reminded me this morning that I can now let this go. I have done my part and now all of this is in His court. It doesn’t feel good, but then life doesn’t always feel good all the time–a tough reality. Only God in His infinite ways knows how to deal with all of this. I surrender this to Him.

The quartet I sign with is giving a concert for an assisted living place this coming Saturday. The one who takes charge of putting our engagements together also puts the program together for each event. He is wanting us to sing a song entitled “He Didn’t Throw the Clay Away”. I have the lead in the song with a solo for the verses. I will introduce the song as it relates so well with my story. As I was running through in my mind what God would want said, He reminded me of Psalms 139:14–“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

A line in the chorus says: “A vessel of honor I am today all because Jesus didn’t throw the clay away.” In the past I’ve cried this song far more than I’ve been able to sing it. It just hits so much raw emotion for me. But, this time God has aligned this line from the chorus with the scripture–I know this full well.

I spent a lifetime wanting God to obliterate my past so I could be a productive servant for Him. Finally, today, I see why He so patiently has waited for me to come around to His purpose rather than mine. He has wanted me to see the truth in His Word–I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I know this full well–A vessel of honor I am today, all because Jesus didn’t throw the clay away. I had believed the lie that my past had made me so unworthy not allowing the blood of Jesus to cleanse and purify. God wanted me to understand that my past He wanted to use for His purpose. The gratitude I have for all Christ has done–well, I just can’t find the words to portray. I simply end with–God is so AMAZING!

When I was young and came up against a mechanical problem with a vehicle I would get rid of the vehicle. I would use the problem as my sign to replace it. I am not the mechanic my dad was or many of my brothers are. These kind of issues tend to give me much stress. So, today is one of those days. My pickup is losing engine oil which only started recently. It is almost 25 years old so having an issue shouldn’t be anything new. My appointment to determine fixing it or….. is in just over an hour. So, am I anxious? Yes. Have I surrendered it? Yes. Am I still anxious? Yes. Journaling it here as I’ve already done in my earlier journaling helps me see wasted energy in anxiety. I can smile and see why God’s Word tells us to not be anxious.

Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasss all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” So I’ve now taken these steps. It is “funny” to me that all of the anxiety and stress that ones come to me with in counseling sessions are easy to surrender and trust God to take care of them. Yet, a mechanical problem like this wants to overwhelm me.

Thanks for being my morning counselors along with God’s Word. I am much more at peace trusting my pickup to God’s care!